Do You Yell At Your Children?
Do you yell at your children? It is easy to do when you are a mom. One minute you are fine, and the next minute you’re so angry you could snatch your child bald-headed (southern saying).
You can not take one more minute of your kids fighting, the dog barking, and the phone ringing all at once.
Many times, it is that one little thing at the end of the day that sets you off. Before you know it, even the dog is running for cover.
As moms, we are constantly pulled at all ends. We are expected to do it all, and act like we have everything under control. Sometimes it is too much, and we snap.
In this post, we are going to talk about yelling, what it does to your kids, and how to stop.
What Is Yelling? When Is It Okay?
Webster defines yelling as to cry out in a loud, clear sound or shout.
Yelling or screaming should be saved for times of emergency. If your child is about to touch the stove, walk out in the street, or do some other harmful behavior then it is okay.
Yelling on a daily basis is not good for behavior management. If you overuse your loud voice it loses it potency and becomes ineffective. In fact, it starts to have a negative outcome.
Is Yelling Wrong?
I think most of us know screaming and yelling is wrong, yet we still do it. It feels good to get that release out. It is almost like the valve on an instant pot.
Unfortunately, I don’t think we realize when we yell at our children there is a mess to clean up afterward. The words we spew on to our kids drop like poison in the air and contaminate their hearts.
The worst feeling is when you know you have gone too far. You can see it in their eyes. And you hear it in their cries.
Regret sets in. You realize you have broken that sacred trust as a protector. Now you have become the verbal abuser you swore you would never be.
We have probably all lost it once or twice as moms. But when you yell at your children daily, that becomes a different story.
Many of you may not even know you are yelling. It is important to define yelling so you know if this is something you do.
Related: Should You Apologize to Your Child?
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What Happens When You Yell at Your Children?
1. Withdraw Due to Fear
When you yell at your children, they want to withdraw. Hide. Runaway. Anything to get away from you. They are scared of you.
When you yell at your children, they will develop a deep sense of hate for the one who is yelling. Yelling is nothing more than verbal and emotional abuse.
Children feel powerless when a parent is yelling at them. There is nothing they can do but sit there and take it. Once a child is old enough to be in charge, there will be retribution.
Kids tend to lie sometimes. If you add yelling, then there is more of a chance they will say anything to keep the peace. They would rather take their chance on a lie than to hear screaming.
It is easy to develop a habit of lying when you live with a person who yells.
When you yell at your children they tend to scream back at you. This is the way they have been taught to deal with their problems. This pattern gets carried over to the next generation.
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What To Do If You Yell at Your Children?
Pause. Take a deep breath. Calm yourself down before you say anything.
2. Step Outside Yourself
Pretend like a videotape is recording you. Would you be embarrassed if you played it back and watched yourself? Or if others watched you?
Listen to your child explain the situation. This will give you more time to calm down and think.
4. Measure Your Words
Carefully speak your words in a way that is neutral. State the facts, and calmly give the consequences.
5. Step Away For a Minute
If you can’t control yourself, excuse yourself for a couple of minutes until you can calm down.
6. Get Help
If you find you can’t control yourself, you need help. Find a counselor. There are very few times when you truly need to raise your voice at your kids. Your kids deserve a parent who is in control.
Instead of yelling, catch your child doing good things. Praise those behaviors over and over. This is a tactic I use in the classroom, and it works beautifully every single day.
Related: How to Get to Your Child’s Heart
Does Yelling Even Work?
Yelling is not effective. We have bought into the lie yelling is okay because it gets results. You may get compliance short-term, but long-term it is a parenting tactic based on fear.
Fear-based parenting is destructive. It destroys the overall relationship. Years and years of yelling rot the foundation for a friendship when your child is an adult.
You can parent your child using logical and appropriate consequences without ever raising your voice. You are the parent. Act like one. Be reasonable and fair, but enforce your family rules calmly.
For more help, check out this article on Three Important Steps to Take After Yelling at Your Kids. It will help you go back and heal the relationship.
How do you communicate with your kids?
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Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the group Christian Parenting and Family. This is a place for moms with preschool age kids or older to talk about their struggles with parenting, family life, education, or marriage.
You will find biblically based advise from other moms who want to raise godly kids.
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