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Are you yelling at your kids all the time? It is easy to do when you are a mom. One minute you are fine, and the next minute you’re so angry you could snatch your kid bald-headed.
You can not take one more minute of your kids fighting, the dog barking, and the phone ringing all at once.
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Many times, it is that one little thing at the end of the day that sets you off. Before you know it, even the dog is running for cover.
As moms, we are constantly pulled at all ends. We are expected to do it all, and act like we have everything under control. Sometimes it is too much, and we snap. In fact, we feel we are not enough.
In this post, we are going to talk about yelling at our kids, and how to stop for good.
What Is Yelling? When Is It Okay?
Webster defines yelling as to cry out in a loud, clear sound or shout.
Yelling or screaming should be saved for times of emergency. If your child is about to touch the stove, walk out in the street, or do some other harmful behavior then it is okay.
Yelling on a daily basis is not good for behavior management. If you overuse your loud voice it loses its potency and becomes ineffective. In fact, it starts to have a negative outcome.
Is Yelling Wrong?
I think most of us know screaming and yelling is wrong, yet we still do it. It feels good to get that release out. It is almost like the valve on an Instant Pot.
Unfortunately, I don’t think we realize when we yell at our children there is a mess to clean up afterward. The words we spew on to our kids drop like poison in the air and contaminate their hearts.
The worst feeling is when you know you have gone too far. You can see it in their eyes. And you hear it in their cries.
Regret sets in. You realize you have broken that sacred trust as a protector. Now you have become the verbal abuser you swore you would never be.
We have probably all lost it once or twice as moms. But when you are yelling at your kids daily, that becomes a different story.
Many of you may not even know you are yelling at your kids. It is important to start watching yourself so you can stop. What you don’t realize is that you could be making things worse when you raise your voice.
How Does An Angry Parent Affect a Child?
Here are 5 things that may happen when you are continually yelling at your kids:
When you are yelling at your kids, they want to withdraw from you. Hide. Runaway. Anything to get away from the noise. They are scared of you. They don’t want to be around you.
When you are yelling at your kids, they can develop a deep sense of hate and not even know it. Yelling is nothing more than verbal and emotional abuse. Sadly, the hatred may stay with your child for years.
When you are yelling at your kids, they feel powerless. There is nothing they can do but sit there and take it. Once a child is old enough to be in charge, there will be retribution.
Kids tend to lie sometimes. If you start yelling at your kids, then there is more of a chance they will say anything to keep the peace. They would rather take their chance on a lie than to hear you screaming.
It is easy to develop a habit of lying when you live with a person who yells.
When you yell at your kids they tend to scream back at you. This is the way they have been taught to deal with their problems. This pattern gets carried over to the next generation.
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How Do I Stop Yelling at My Kids
Pause. Take a deep breath. Calm yourself down before you say anything. Count to ten in your head to get your mind off the situation. If you can’t talk in a calm voice, then close your mouth. You are practicing self-control.
2. Step Outside Yourself
Pretend like a videotape is recording you. Would you be embarrassed if you played it back and watched yourself yelling at your kids? Or if others watched you? In fact, someone is watching you. Your kids and God.
Listen to your child explain the situation. This will give you more time to calm down and think. You don’t want to overreact because you didn’t know all the details. This has been one of the hardest things for me to do. I am not a big yeller, but I like to get in my words…in lecture form.
4. Measure Your Words
Carefully speak your words in a way that is neutral instead of yelling at your kids. State the facts and calmly give the consequences. Try to keep your emotions out of it. Make sure your child knows you love him with your not only your words but your tone of voice.
5. Step Away For a Minute
If you can’t control yourself, excuse yourself for a couple of minutes until you can calm down. Go to your room and think about what just happened. Start again at step one and breathe. Repeat the process over until you have control over yourself.
6. Pray For God to Help You
Go before God and confess your impatience, anger, and frustration to Him. Ask Him to give you a heart for your children that is loving, kind, and slow to anger.
Write down scriptures on notecards that are pertinent to your anger. Put in a place you will see every day. Renew your thinking with the truth. Remind yourself daily that God loves your kids, and He can help you raise them in a home that is full of love and peace.
7. Get Help
If you continue yelling at your kids, you need help. Find a counselor. There are very few times when you truly need to raise your voice at your kids. Your kids deserve a parent who is in control.
Instead of yelling, catch your kids doing good things. Praise those behaviors over and over. This is a tactic I use in the classroom, and it works beautifully every single day at home too.
Is Yelling Effective Parenting?
Yelling at your kids is not effective. As a society, we have bought into the lie that yelling is okay because it gets results. You may get compliance short-term, but long-term it is a parenting tactic based on fear.
Fear-based parenting is destructive. It destroys the overall relationship. Years and years of yelling rot the foundation for a friendship when your child is an adult.
You can parent your child using logical and appropriate consequences without ever raising your voice. You are the parent. Act like one. Be reasonable and fair, but enforce your family rules calmly.
For more help, check out this article on Three Important Steps to Take After Yelling at Your Kids. It will help you go back and heal the relationship.
Are you yelling at your kids all the time? What do you do to stop?
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