Why I Teach My Kids to Wait Until Marriage [Infographic]
In this post-Christian era, teaching your kids to wait until marriage to have sex is not normal. In fact, it is archaic by most standards. Most parents have opted for the “safe sex” talk instead of going for abstinence.
They figure their kids are going to do it, so it is better to use protection than teach morals. Morals are out-dated and inconvenient.
Morals take time and are hard to teach consistently. It requires the parents to be moral, too. Otherwise, the parents are hypocrites. Also, parents are too busy working, attending sports events, and are too tired to reinforce something they may or may not believe themselves.
A long talk about sex and a condom or birth control pills is quicker and gets the job done.
Unfortunately, your kids aren’t listening to the “safe sex” talk. And they don’t understand the real consequences of premarital sex and why they should wait until marriage.
Related: The Best Way to Change Your Teen
You Are Short-Circuiting the Process
Parents don’t realize they are short-circuiting the process by promoting birth control instead of abstinence.
Birth control is an efficient method if your teen is not going to wait until marriage. Something has to be done to prevent pregnancy. But this alone will not protect your kids from harm.
This is the fallacy most parents don’t realize about birth control. Did you know almost half of all pregnancies in the US are unplanned? 45% of the 6 million pregnancies a year are unplanned whether married or unmarried.
Many women get pregnant while using birth control. From a behavioral economics standpoint, the most widely used forms of birth control in the United States — the pill and condoms — are pretty terrible. They require frequent and specific action, offer little room for error, require action in times of emotional distraction, and have comparatively high rates of failure: For every 100 women who rely on the pill for one year, nine will get pregnant; for every 100 women who rely on condoms for one year, nearly 20 will get pregnant –Washington Post
If you read the article from the Washington Post, it talks about using an IUD as a better form of birth control. Yes, it is better, but then you risk STD’s and AIDS.
They failed to mention that part. Neither did they mention the emotional cost to your teen when the break up comes.
Teaching birth control instead of morals is not working. Birth control, whatever form, has liabilities. The only real way to make sure complete safety is to wait until marriage.
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Parents Don’t Know What They Believe
The problem is many parents today don’t know what they believe. This makes teaching abstinence next to impossible. They can’t give a reason to wait until marriage without going back to the Bible. Many parents don’t know the Bible or even believe the Bible to be true.
Because of this, there are no beliefs or values to pass down to their children. Parents don’t realize they are missing the truth. The truth about premarital sex. The kind of truth that never changes. The truth is teens and young adults should wait until marriage to have sex.
But parents are blinded to this truth.
Now we have several generations of people who don’t know what they believe other than what you feel is right. Unfortunately, feelings don’t make for a good moral compass.
Feelings change hourly. There is no stability or absolute truth with feelings. They are unpredictable and can be deceiving at best.
Related: How to Approach God as Parents
The Bible and Church
In the last 40 years, the Bible and church have become inconvenient and judgemental. It is viewed as antiquated. Irrelevant. For several generations now, families have stopped attending church. Somehow doing the right thing is wrong.
Today, only around 23%-25% of families regularly attend church in America. Originally, Gallup thought it was around 35-40%. This statistic shows parents are not interested in any real kind of faith or belief system.
This is why parents are unsure about how to parent. They don’t know what to teach their kids in regards to sex.
What Are Our Kids Learning?
If nothing other than birth control is being taught at home, then what are our kids learning? If you watch TV, go to the movies, or get online, you know what our kids are learning.
Sex without consequences. If it feels right, and you are old enough, then experiment. (And what age is “old enough.”)
They are told nothing bad is going to happen. It always works out in movies, TV, and social media. In fact, it is glamorized. The Kardashians are one example.
After the TV or movie is turned off, and the computer is shut down, the harsh reality is hitting our teens and young adults. And the reality is tragic.
The facts show premarital sex is harming, if not destroying, our kids. Many of you think this won’t happen to your child someday, yet these statistics show differently.
Related: How to Get to Your Child’s Heart
What Are the Facts?
Let me give you the facts. You can not argue with these. They are in black and white. No feelings, just truth.
1. 50% of all pregnancies in the US are unplanned. 8 out of 10 teen pregnancies are unplanned.
2. 43% of all unplanned pregnancies will end in abortion.
4. 18% failure rate of condoms – CDC.
5. 9% failure rate of the Pill -CDC.
6. 25% of Americans have an incurable STD.
7. 85% of Americans with herpes don’t know it.
8. 43% of teens did not use a condom the last time they had sex-CDC.
9. 41% of teens admit to having sexual intercourse-CDC.
10. 21% of teens used drugs or alcohol before the last sexual intercourse-CDC.
11. 1 in 4 girls will be pregnant at least once before the age of 20.
12. 1 in 4 teens will contract an STD every year.
13. $16,000- the cost to taxpayers for every teen birth
14. About 750,000 teens get pregnant each year.
15. The U.S. has the highest teen pregnancy rate and abortions in the world.
Why You Should Teach Your Kids to Wait Until Marriage
My husband and I have taught our kids to wait until marriage. You may wonder if I regret it. I don’t. I would go back and do it again in a heartbeat. It was the right thing to do. These are the reasons why we taught them to wait:
1. No fear of pregnancy.
2. No fear of sexual diseases or AIDS.
3. No emotional heartbreaks or rage over a betrayal.
4. No abortions.
5. No fear of getting caught or guilt.
6. No regrets.
7. No corruption of character.
8. Ensures the future of their unborn child to have a father at home someday.
9. Less stress on the family.
10. No ruined relationships.
11. No fear of raising a child as a teen.
12. No financial cost for birth control, abortion, or raising a child
13. No Post-Abortion trauma.
14. No risk of children “popping up” years later.
15. No risk of misunderstandings or rape charges.
We go overboard in protecting our kids so they are mentally, physically, and emotionally safe in all other areas of life. Don’t forget to protect your kids spiritually with biblical principles. Teaching your kids to wait until marriage to have sex could be the one thing that protects them the most.
If you as a family do not teach values and morals, I invite you to start reading the Bible or even going to church. God is waiting for you to reach out to Him. It is never too late to start a spiritual journey.
Related: 13 Easy Ways to Screw Up Your Kids
Living on feelings is not enough for your kids. They need stability and boundaries that are tried and true.
I can tell you as a parent with adult children, we are grateful for the wisdom of the Bible. We would not be able to parent without it. It has helped us direct our family in the way of Truth.
What do you teach your children?
Book on Family Estrangement from a Christian Point of View
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Get Creating Family Memories for FREE in exchange for your email. If you get this book, it will help you build a good relationship with your kids so that when the hard times come (teen years), you will be able to weather the storm.
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Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the group Christian Family Living. This is a place for Christian women to share their experiences and get helpful tools to navigate the Christian life. We love to laugh, cry, and encourage each other to live out our faith one day at a time.
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