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Self Pity: How to Move Past the Hard Times

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Flowers with text of how to overcome self-pity.

Do you struggle with self-pity? Kind of embarrassing to admit, huh?

Perhaps you run every scenario in your head over and over again wondering how someone ELSE could be so insensitive. Or how this or that could have actually happened. Maybe your mind gets stuck on the same people and the same dialogue until it is an obsession.

Truthfully, self-pity can be addicting. Once you start, it is hard to stop.

Unless you decide to stop. And often.

In this post, I will give you 5 tips to help you stop your self-pity for good and move past the hard times. You don’t have to be caught in a cycle of unforgiveness and anger. You can be free again.

Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart

Purchase this book on Amazon or your favorite digital store. 

Changing the Habit of Self Pity

You don’t have to live in self-pity. There are things you can do move on from the hard times in your life. Check out out these 5 tips to help you get free.

5 suggestions to help you stop wallowing in self-pity:

1.) Grieve the pain. Feel the pain and work through the situation. Journal. Talk to a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor. There is nothing wrong with getting professional help when you are stuck wallowing in a situation.

Related: 5 Greatest Lessons You Can Learn From Suffering

2.)  Forgive those who have hurt you. Forgive yourself, others, and God for anything that is still causing bitterness. Don’t leave anything on your side undone. Realize you only have a certain amount of power in a situation. In fact, you are only responsible for you, nothing more.

Related: 5 Important Reasons Why You Need to Forgive

3).  Release the situation to God. The most difficult step is to release everything to God and move on. Decide not to take the problem  out of His hands and worry. Pray for wisdom on how to handle things in the future.

Related: Can God Use a Horrible Failure or Loss?

4). Give back to others. It helps to practice gratitude. Giving back makes you realize there are other people who have had worse things happen to them. This helps move the focus away from you and on to others.

Related: Service Project: How Volunteering Will Change Your Family

5.) Prayer. Every time you start to fall back into a pattern of self-pity, stop yourself. Give it to God instead. Pray for God to calm your heart and soothe your mind. Give Him your pain instead. He knows and understands you deeply and intimately.

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Prayer to Help You Overcome Self-Pity

Here is a prayer to help you stop the constant stirring in your mind:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for loving and caring for me. You alone know my deep hurts, frustrations, and feelings of rejection concerning  (the situation). I ask that you would help me to change what I can, forgive those who have hurt me, and release the rest to You.

Thank you for giving me the power to lay this problem down at the cross. When I am tempted to take it back and worry or churn, please remind me You are in control of the situation. In fact, I can rest in You. Thank you, Lord, that I can trust you to work in ways I never dreamed possible.

Help me to put my mind at ease and claim Philippians 4: 8 which says to think on things that are true, right, pure, noble, and lovely. Let my mind be fixed on You and Your words. Not mine. If I need to think about the situation, give me the right thoughts that include a solution. But nothing more until then.

Thank you that  I can put my mind at ease and move on with my life.

In Your Name,

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Release Self-Pity For Good

In conclusion, releasing self-pity is one of the most freeing things you can do. You no longer have to harbor anger, resentment, or bitterness in your heart. And your mind no longer has to go in circles trying to figure out how to do things differently. It is time to overcome the pain with these five truths and move on with your life for good.

Book on Family Estrangement: A Christian Point of View

Are you experiencing family problems? Perhaps you and a loved one are no longer speaking. Don’t go another day without reading this book. It addresses family problems and estrangement from a biblical point of view. Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart is on Amazon or in your favorite digital store. 

Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart-

Get Creating Family Memories for FREE in exchange for your email. If you get this book, it will help you build a good relationship with your kids so that when the hard times come (teen years), you will be able to weather the storm.

Scroll down or look to the side to sign up. You can also get it at your favorite bookstore.

Facebook Group

Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the group Christian Family Living. This is a place for Christian women to share their experiences and get helpful tools to navigate the Christian life. We love to laugh, cry, and encourage each other to live out our faith one day at a time.

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Julie Plagens


  1. Donna Miller on June 13, 2018 at 11:03 pm

    I love your posts. You could be talking about something serious and I still find myself smiling and chuckling over your sweet sense of humor that is sprinkled throughout your writings. So true! Being free from the sadness is so much better than wallowing! ❤

    • Julie Plagens on March 23, 2019 at 2:51 pm

      Donna, thanks! I try to use a bit of humor to make a point!

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