School Safety: The REAL Reason For School Violence

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If you are a parent, sooner or later you are going to deal with school safety. It is a terrible subject no one really wants to talk about, yet it is becoming a weekly occurrence.

The frequency of school shootings is an ugly reminder that we don’t have control. In fact, we don’t even know why it is happening.

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Pencils with one sticking up and pointed. School Safety: The REAL Reason For School Violence

I can’t begin to give you all the reasons why it is happening,  but I can point you to two undisputed facts about most of the shooters.

The two things most mass shooters have in common is they are boys, and they come from fatherless homes or a broken relationship with the father. If you are a woman reading this, you might be thinking, “Those sorry men. They just need to get their stuff together.”

Perhaps you blame it on the usual suspects-guns, mental illness, or politicians. Yes, they are part of the problem, but I would ask you to expand your thinking.

In this post, we will explore the real reason for school violence and ways women can help reverse this trend. You will be surprised how your actions can make a difference long term just by your choices. 

RELATED: Teacher Secrets to Help Get to Your Child’s Heart

Who or What is to Blame for School Violence?

Are guns or mental illness the problem of school violence?

Heaven knows the gun laws could be tweaked, and anyone who shoots up a school has serious mental issues.

But my question to you is a simple one: Once we add more laws for guns and rules for mental illness, do you think the school violence will end?

We already have an enormous amount of laws about guns to make people behave, yet shooters don’t care.

Frankly, I don’t think the genie is going back in the bottle unless we change our values as a society. The gun doesn’t shoot, it is the shooter and his moral compass.

The real problem with school violence is the moral shift in our country. Frankly, we lack morals and values as a society.

I have observed this decline slowly in the classroom as a teacher and in our culture over the last thirty years. (In my research, I found it’s actually been going on longer than thirty years.)

In order to look at this gradual shift, it is important to go back and review the legislation and social issues that have changed in the last sixty years.

Specifically, let’s work backward and ask why we have so many fatherless children and are now dealing with school safety. 

RELATED: The Biggest Secret to Raising Boys Who Are Kind

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What Happened 1960-1980?

  • The Sexual Revolution

Two things happened to push us into a new “sexual revolution.

First, in 1960, the birth control pill came out.

This gave men and women new freedom to have sex without consequence or so we thought. We no longer had to be married to enjoy the “forbidden fruit.”

Sex became more of a recreation than a commitment.

And the product…many more children born out of wedlock.

Second, there was a major shift with the legalization of abortion.

In 1973, the Supreme Court decision of Roe v. Wade made abortion legal. This allowed a woman to abort a baby before giving birth, devaluing the sanctity of life.

Unfortunately, most states allow abortion up until about 24 weeks or viability, although the laws are changing. As of 2019, New York laws allow an abortion all the way to full-term. Sadly, they also made it legal for a nurse or PA to perform an abortion. This is especially convenient for women in New York where one out of three pregnancies is terminated.

RELATED: 15 Life-Altering Reasons For Kids to Wait Until Marriage

Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart book.

Purchase your ebook or paperback on Amazon or at your favorite digital store. 

  •  No-Fault Divorce

In 1969, Ronald Reagan signed a bill making California the first state to allow couples to divorce without proof of any fault on the part of the other spouse.

The laws used to make a spouse list a reason such as abandonment, adultery, cruelty or some other acceptable term as a reason for the divorce to be granted.

Since the California ruling, many other states have followed suit.

Some states even offer a No-Fault Divorce and No Waiting Period.

This has made divorce quick and convenient. It is almost treated like a drive-through McDonalds instead of a covenant for life.

Most of the time, the mother gets custody, and the father gets visitation rights on the weekends, summers, and holidays thus removing the father from a child’s daily life.

How does this all tie together and affect school safety? Read further and you will see the thread.

What Has Happened in Our Schools?

  • Prayer Removed

On June 25, 1962, the US Supreme Court decided in Engel v. Vitale to take prayer out of the public schools.

In 1963, the Court no longer allowed Bible readings before class due to two lawsuits, Murray v. Curlett and Abington School District v. Schempp.

In 1971, there was a religious test called the Lemon test (named after the case Lemon v. Kurtzman) which further separated God from the classroom. It stated 3 criteria for sponsoring state activities.

This closed even more loopholes in the system making it difficult to be a Christian practicing anything religious such as prayer on a school campus. 

Prayer is powerful and Satan knows it. No prayer, no God. No God, no morals. 

Related: How to Pray for Your Kids (really pray)

  • 10 Commandments Removed

In 1980, the Ten Commandments were banned from the classroom with the lawsuit Stone v. Graham. Since then, schools have become more anti-God instead of neutral.

It is pretty clear from these laws God has been eliminated from our schools. He is no longer welcome.

But…somehow teachers are still supposed to make sure kids do not cheat, lie, steal, or even kill without talking about values or reinforcing them with any type of curriculum.

Hmm. Craziest lesson plan on the planet. Don’t teach it, but expect them to know it!

If we had that philosophy teaching science, math, or English…they would throw every teacher out the door…pronto.

Sadly, this digression in school safety is because we have removed morals. No morals, no truth. No truth, no conscience.

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School Safety: The REAL Reason For School Violence text with a picture of blue lockers down a hallway.

School Safety: The REAL Reason We Have School Violence

Now let’s look at the statistics for the laws that have been put in place in the last 50-60 years.

  •  The Sexual Revolution

In 1960, only 5 percent of children were born out of wedlock. As of 2016, the statistics by state go all the way up to 53.2 percent of children are born to unmarried mothers. This is according to the CDC.

Most likely, the father plays a minor role in the child’s life when the couple is not married. Hence, our boys have no daily interaction with a father to teach them how to be a man.

Before abortions were legal, there were only about 12,000 of them from 1969 to 1973. From 1973 until now, there have been an estimated 60 million babies aborted in America.

That’s 3,657 abortions daily and 152 an hour. Whether you believe in abortion or not, this is a lot of babies terminated. 

We have aborted about 18% of our American population.

The abortion-rights activists have given us permission to devalue life.

And so we have.

Life is no longer precious.

Unfortunately, most abortions are used as a method of birth control for “accidents.” Only a small number(1%-3%) are actually done to save a mother’s life or in the case of rape.

STD’s are at a record high, according to the CDC. An epidemic is accelerating in multiple populations. In 2017, there were 1.59 million new cases of chlamydia, 468,514 new cases of gonorrhea, and 27,814 new cases of syphilis.

628 babies were born last year with congenital syphilis. (The mother transferred syphilis to the baby.) Also, in 2017, HIV infections jumped by more than 50% in some states.

Sadly, all of this would be avoided if we still believed in waiting until marriage, but that thought is too archaic and prude. In fact, many think there is something wrong with you if you haven’t indulged.  It all about what I want now. 

  • School Safety Problems

Since faith in God and prayer guidance have been removed from our schools, school safety has become an issue in America.

In fact, last year ( 2018 ) was one of the worst years for school shootings. This year (2019) will break last year’s record. So far the count is 44 shootings in 46 weeks. That’s almost once a week.

Over 228,000 kids have been affected by a school shooting since Columbine in 1999.

If we aren’t teaching any morals or values in the classroom or acknowledging God, then why would we expect our kids to have any morals, values, or beliefs? It is no wonder school safety has become an issue. 

  •  Divorce Rate In America

The divorce rate in America as of 2017 is between 40%-50%. The statistics are hard to measure because there are fewer people getting married, so there are fewer divorces. Most people just live together…until they don’t.

Often women get caught in a bad relationship and don’t know how to get out. These unwise decisions directly affect her children.

The result is our families are now fractured. There is no male role model in the home.

Most of the time the father only gets to see the kids on the weekends. And the parents are no longer working together to raise the child on a united front. Family values are antiquated.

Because of divorce, you will often find the parents one-upping each other, kids manipulating the parents, different rules at each parent’s house, and entitlement issues.

Check out this infographic that shows the overwhelming statistics connecting fatherless children with violence, drugs, mental illness, suicide, prison, and dropping out of school. So how can women help fix this problem of school safety? I am glad you asked!

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School Safety: The REAL Reason For School Violence


RELATED: The Best Way to Raise a Smart Child Who Is Wise

There Are 5 Ways Women Can Help With School Safety

1. Wait until marriage to have sex.

Don’t click off yet. Be open-minded here…If you wait until marriage to have sex, you will avoid STD’s (and other diseases), pregnancy, or a possible abortion.

I don’t think women realize they have most of the liabilities, and men have most of the rewards when it comes to sexuality. Women are the ones left “holding the bag” when things don’t go as planned.

This is why God designed sex for marriage. When you step out of those boundaries there will be consequences in some way.  Waiting is the only safe way to avoid great harm to yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Unfortunately, once two people have started being intimate, the emotions are too hard to untangle and reverse. It is possible,  just difficult.

RELATED: 15 Life-Altering Reasons For Kids to Wait Until Marriage

2.  Choose your man wisely when you marry

Choose a godly man for your life partner. He will not only be your soul mate, but he will be more involved with your kids. Not waiting risks the future of your unborn child.

I am sure most women don’t want the dude who was a one-night-stand to be the father of her child, yet many women make that gamble every day.

Even a committed but unmarried relationship is not really committed.

Your man has not committed financially to help you if you get pregnant. He can walk away anytime. Pretty big risk if you think about it. Ask yourself if you deserve better. I believe you do! You are worth being protected in every way.

RELATED: The Best Marriage Advice for Struggling Couples

3. Teach your children morals and values.

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” Raise your children to have morals and values. Live by these principles as a family.

Say “no” to your child when you think he should not be at a party or with certain people. He or she needs you to be the adult here, and do the right thing.

Hanging out with the wrong crowd leads to drugs and alcohol, and it opens the door for casual sex and unwanted pregnancy.

RELATED: 25 Super Tips to Help You Be Good Parent

4. Encourage the father role so it will ensure school safety.

The role of dad cannot be stressed enough in your children’s lives. He is the stabilizing factor in the family. Boys especially need a father as a role model on how to be a man.

If you are divorced, do not try to cut the father out of your kid’s life unless he is absolutely unsafe. You will be sorry if you do this. If the father is not available, find a good male role model for your kids.

Most of all, pray for the father of your children. It doesn’t matter if you are married to him or not. He still has a vital impact on you and your kids.

RELATED: How to Break Free From Family Problems For Good

5.  Stay married, if possible

It’s more beneficial if both parents live in the home. Get help if you have marriage problems. Try to work through your issues instead of just giving up immediately. I realize this may be impossible for some people due to infidelity or physical abuse.

Start praying for your marriage. Ask God to change your spouse.

It may mean a time of counseling or separation, but it is worth it to hang in there and work on the issues.

Related: Marriage Challange: How to Change Your Husband in 30 Days


You Can Reverse the Trend

What is more important is to reverse this fatherless trend. Pray for your husband, the father of your children. And pray for protection over your kids every day.

Our families are under attack.

It’s time to stand up and do everything we can to raise our sons to be godly men and our daughters to be godly women.

Teach your kids morals and values. Help them follow Jesus so the next generation can reverse the problem of school safety.

RELATED: How to Pray for Your Kids in Your War Room

What things do you do to ensure school safety?

Do You Have Family Problems? There is Help and Hope!

Are you experiencing family problems or even estranged? Are you feeling shame, anger, or rejection? Check out my book Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart on Amazon or at your favorite digital store. 

This book not only talks about my seven-year estrangement from my Christian family, but it also gives solid tips to help you with your own family problems. Break free from your pain. Allow God to heal you no matter what has happened in your family of origin. There is hope when your family falls apart.

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Creating Family Memories Book

Get Creating Family Memories. This book will help you manage your family in a way that allows more time to be intentional with your kids.  It includes a schedule too. You can get it at your favorite bookstore.

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Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the group Christian Family Living. This is a place for Christian women to share their experiences and get helpful tools to navigate the Christian life. We love to laugh, cry, and encourage each other to live out our faith one day at a time.

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Julie Plagens


  1. Chanell Gardin on December 4, 2019 at 12:01 pm

    I like articles that match in your knowledge gaps.
    This is of that kind. I also enjoy how the writer organized his ideas as well as
    the visual part.

    • Julie Plagens on December 17, 2019 at 9:48 pm

      Chanell, thank you for your comment. I definitely did a lot of research. You can’t deny that kids need a father and a mother. Both roles are important. School shooters especially seem to be lacking a father or male role model. I hope others will see how important it is to take parenting seriously.

  2. Guadalupe Girton on November 25, 2019 at 9:36 pm

    I found something like a couple of weeks before, but
    you did in-depth research, along with your post seems to be much more compelling than the others.
    I’m astounded with the arguments you provided in addition to the type of your post.
    I enjoy when posts are both informative and interesting, when even boring facts are presented
    in an interactive manner. Well, it’s surely on your article.

    • Julie Plagens on December 1, 2019 at 2:59 pm

      Yes, I have been working on this post for a long time. A lot of reading and research went into this. So sad to see boys who do not have a strong male influence in their lives.

  3. Tracy on March 9, 2018 at 5:55 pm

    Thanks for being brave enough to write about this. It was really interesting to read, and while I don’t necessarily agree with every point, I do think family is extremely important and that better gun laws aren’t the magic answer here.

    • Julie Plagens on March 10, 2018 at 3:39 am

      I totally respect your opinion. I appreciate your comment and glad we can agree on a strong family as a good foundation for our kids.

  4. Tami @ The Inspiration Lady on March 8, 2018 at 10:58 pm

    Yes! I totally agree with everything you said and I’m so glad to finally see someone pointing to these issues! <3 Gun control isn't the only argument to be made and thank you for having the courage to speak to problems that aren't being talked about!

    • Julie Plagens on March 9, 2018 at 2:44 am

      Thank you so much for your encouragement . I am actually shocked at the amount of positive feedback. It’s been a huge confirmation that someone needs to speak out.

  5. Sheree Dawn on March 8, 2018 at 10:25 pm

    It is refreshing to hear someone say that yes, we need gun control and yes, we need to make mental health care more affordable/available, but no neither of these will put a stop to ALL gun violence. I agree that as parents we have a responsibility to teach our children morals and values – we need to be involved in our kids lives and not hand them over to social media. Thank you for your willingness to speak on such a controversial topic.

    • Julie Plagens on March 9, 2018 at 2:45 am

      Thank you so much for your comments. I am so thrilled to have people agree with my points. Many blessings to you!

      • Unconvinced on November 18, 2019 at 4:29 pm

        There are very serious flaws with these unsubstantiated claims. This doesn’t happen in countries that are far less religious and right wing than the US. This doesn’t happen in other countries with high rates of divorce and no prayer in schools for even longer than the US. Sorry, non of this makes sense.

        • Julie Plagens on November 18, 2019 at 4:38 pm

          Most other countries put a high value on respect, honor, and loyalty to family and those in authority. Our society has devalued life, authority, and respect. You can’t deny that the one thing that connects all these kids is the father relationship. Do some reading. This is not a right-wing issue. This is a moral issue. It’s a God issue. We have traded truth for “freedom.” Freedom to do as we please. And there is a price to pay for no boundaries. It’s like driving on the highway with no speed limit. Cars are gonna crash.

  6. Liz Chapman on March 8, 2018 at 10:04 pm

    First let me say you are very brave to even approach this topic. This topic is a hot button and people have very strong feelings about it so kudos to you for putting your opinions into writing. I agree with many of the points that you made and having a strong family value is so important.

    • Julie Plagens on March 9, 2018 at 2:48 am

      Thanks so much for your kind words. It is controversial, but I think the fact so many people have been positive says something. I know not everyone agrees, but the stats are pretty shocking.

  7. Brooke on March 8, 2018 at 1:46 pm

    There are some points I don’t agree with but I do agree with the importance of family on this issue.

    • Julie Plagens on March 9, 2018 at 2:48 am

      I totally respect that and value your opinion. Thanks for reading.

  8. Cha on March 8, 2018 at 5:28 am

    Its interesting to read and informative. You’re right women has a responsibility in the society for developing the youth and even if a child has to be raise without a father, that child can still be good person as how her mother or family raise him.

    • Julie Plagens on March 9, 2018 at 2:50 am

      Absolutely! Lots of great people have been raised by a single mom. I’ve never met a single mom who didn’t wish for some help though. It’s a rough job going at it alone. Kudos to single moms for being there always.

  9. Tara on March 7, 2018 at 7:26 pm

    very interesting perspective. I don’t necessarily agree with every point but I think encouraging family and communication overall is key!

    • Julie Plagens on March 9, 2018 at 2:52 am

      Totally understand. I knew it was controversial when I wrote it. Thanks for you opinion.

  10. Jen @ Jenron Designs on March 7, 2018 at 3:34 pm

    Those statistic are down right staggering. While I do not have children, I can completely relate to all of your points via family members, friends and neighbors. The core family value are complete skewed these days and are a huge contributing factor to these violent acts with our youth. I also think America should really focus on metal health and providing screens in schools for kids that may not be diagnosed anywhere else.

    • Julie Plagens on March 9, 2018 at 2:53 am

      Oh! I agree totally. We need better screening. The counselors at our school mostly did schedules and college counseling. No mental health help that I knew about.

  11. Bobbi on March 7, 2018 at 3:18 pm

    This is such a powerful post! We have so much that we can do to help and deter this school shootings from happening. It is becoming way too much of a norm that is frightening.

    • Julie Plagens on March 9, 2018 at 2:54 am

      Yes. It is. Thanks for your sweet comments.

  12. David Elliott on March 7, 2018 at 2:57 pm

    I do understand where you are coming from. The coarsening of our culture has made people’s view of life change. This in turn has lead to people not caring as much when they commit these horrific acts unfortunately.

    • Julie Plagens on March 9, 2018 at 2:55 am

      So right. Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate you reading this.

  13. Jenny from the Blog on March 7, 2018 at 3:07 am

    Not sure I agree with you. Yes a lot needs to be done so we do not have to endure anymore of these tragedies but I do not think blaming women is the key. I also do not think that divorce causes a child to be “fatherless”. I feel like there is a lot of misinformation here but I also say “whatever helps!”

    • Julie Plagens on March 9, 2018 at 3:03 am

      I respect your opinion. If you go back and read my blog you’ll see I never blame women. I say that women can help by doing certain things. Our behaviour can help or further aggravate the situation. I believe in women being empowered. Nothing leaves a women more powerless than to be pregnant and no one to be there to help financially and physically to raise the child.
      In the long run, biblical principals work best. Just by waiting to have sex until marriage it cuts out abortion, STD’s and single parenting.

    • Unconvinced on November 18, 2019 at 4:33 pm

      Incorrect. Many married women get abortions. Many married women are cheated on and get STIs. Even religious ones.

      And divorce helps free women from abuse and mistreatment. It doesn’t make a child fatherless. The father not being involved makes the child fatherless. It has nothing to do with the woman.

  14. Nicole Caudle on March 7, 2018 at 12:27 am

    This is a very interesting viewpoint. I’m not sure that I am in 100% agreement with everything you say, but you have presented the information in a good way.

    • Julie Plagens on March 9, 2018 at 3:06 am

      Thanks for finding something nice to say despite your disagreement. I respect your feelings and know not everyone is going to agree.

  15. Kristyn on March 6, 2018 at 8:36 pm

    It’s sad to wake up almost every day hearing about another school shooting. It saddens me that it keeps happening across the nation. These are all meaningful tips that can help.

  16. Praansh on March 6, 2018 at 3:26 pm

    I think need improvement in this US open culture some points are as under
    Banned gun culture & improve security
    Teach every child moral values with love & kindness
    Have to be family every parents & live together as a joint till death & develop family culture & support each other in any problem even if in neighborhood also
    Every parents have to live long as a companions & get compromise by forgetting ego in life
    To be develop culture of help & device was as well as security
    Society have to decrease ratio of divorce by understanding couples & help children’s life improvement & good developing
    Faith in god & spiritual values
    Respect parents & family avoid hating
    May be develop a good society.

    • Julie Plagens on March 6, 2018 at 6:09 pm

      Thank you so much for your comments. You have some excellent points.

      • Yaa Attobrah on November 18, 2019 at 7:53 pm

        Thank you for having the courage to write about this issue. We live in a time now where moral values seem to have gone the way of the dodo bird. We need to sit up and make some changes before society sinks into further decline – lots of freedoms but no responsibilities to go with it. Bless you.

        • Julie Plagens on November 18, 2019 at 8:06 pm

          Yaa, thank you for your comment. I hate that we are dealing with school violence. I do fear it is not going away anytime in the near future unless we turn to God.

  17. Shaheen Khan on March 6, 2018 at 10:10 am

    I totally agree with your viewpoint and so comforted by the fact that someone openly acknowledges all this. I think it is rather unfortunate that religion, the institution of marriage and saying no to sex before marriage have become taboo topics. People actually look down on anyone who brings religion or anything sacred to the discussion room. I believe Gad created these rules for our benefit and when we stray from the right path , we end up with anxieties both emotional and physical. Schools and governments need to work together to get religion and a strong value system back in the forefront to ensure that our future generations have more stable support and upbringing. Thank you so much for posting this.

    • Julie Plagens on March 6, 2018 at 6:10 pm

      Beautifully written. I don’t think I could word it any better. Thanks for commenting.

  18. Diana on March 6, 2018 at 4:06 am

    Woah. so much misinformation and so much blame on women! It is not the mom’s fault if the father chooses not to present! Why aren’t you blaming dads for not staying in their child’s life?

    Also, just because you get divorced doesn’t mean your child is suddenly fatherless, many parents co-parent just fine. No one should stay in a marriage for the sake of the children. Children with unhappy parents have unhappy childhoods, I for one wished my parents would divorce, to this day they are still together and I am in therapy trying to get over my anxiety of not turning into my mother.

    Gun control is not just an American problem. You don’t see other countries like the UK, Australia, Canada having gun issues. They have just as many divorces and abortions as we do. The key is GUN CONTROL! The USA is severely lacking in it. It is easier to get a Gun in our country than it is to vote!

    • Julie Plagens on March 6, 2018 at 4:31 am

      I hear your point of view. I clearly state we need to address guns and mental health, but the stats show children who are fatherless are at a much higher risk for mental health issues, violence, drugs, etc.Many issues in society are because of the breakdown of the family. My title is how women can help. Not how women can be blamed.
      We bear the responsibility of who we choose in the first place to sleep with. Waiting until marriage to have sex would practically eliminate abortion, STDs, and birth out of wedlock. Kids weren’t shooting up schools 30 years ago. They haven’t all the sudden gone crazy. It’s the father is not there anymore to mentor the son.

    • Unconvinced on November 18, 2019 at 4:35 pm

      This is absolutely correct

  19. blair villanueva on March 6, 2018 at 2:25 am

    I felt sad and worried about the increasing school shooting in US. School should be the safest place for all of us, and now it is gone. My friends are now thinking of moving their kids out of US and transferring back to Asia for safety reason.

    If this doesn’t solve, it will be a domino effect.

    • Julie Plagens on March 6, 2018 at 4:32 am

      Thanks for your comment. It’s definitely a terrible problem.

  20. Suzanne on March 5, 2018 at 5:10 pm

    I believe that we can make a change. I agree, teach the children moral values and be present in their lives is a starting point but there is so much more we can do other than that.

    • Julie Plagens on March 6, 2018 at 4:33 am

      Absolutely, but the family has got to be strong to help with the rest of the measures. Thanks for your comment.

  21. Sara-Jayne Jones on March 5, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    We don’t have a right to bear arms over here in the UK – and I’m so glad that we don’t. I can’t imagine the pain or the loss felt in the USA and the fear parents must experience in sending their children to school.

    • Julie Plagens on March 6, 2018 at 4:33 am

      It’s definitely a big problem. Thanks for your comment.

  22. emman damian on March 5, 2018 at 9:10 am

    I believe that we can reverse the trend! I agree, teach the children moral values and how to be good.

  23. Deb Dutta on March 5, 2018 at 2:23 am

    Its painful to see where we’ve come as a society. My mom is a retired school teacher, and I think she’d agree to most of what you’re saying.

    • Julie Plagens on March 6, 2018 at 4:35 am

      Yes. 90% of my discipline issues were from kids without a father at home. Thanks for your input.

  24. AnnMarie John on March 5, 2018 at 12:43 am

    As the years pass we keep letting go of the values that used to matter to us. The school shootings won’t end with gun laws and all that. We have to do something about it ourselves. There is so much that women can do about this and I love all your suggestions.

  25. Alice on March 4, 2018 at 9:37 pm

    you really touched a very sensitive subject not many seem to understand or want to talk/hear about. Congratulations on your article and the way you exposed the problem.

    • Julie Plagens on March 6, 2018 at 4:36 am

      Thanks. I know it’s a hot button. I appreciate your comment.

  26. LAKATWOMAN on March 4, 2018 at 6:28 pm

    Very insightful article right here and I love the take you have in terms of this gun issue we have. Thanks for sharing and I will definitely consider your recommendations

  27. Agentszerozerosetter on March 4, 2018 at 3:21 pm

    I think all can do the difference to fight against this. Sure education and family have an important role, laws (no arms for everyone)… More control on teenagers, it’s so sad when similar events happens, so many lives ruined, why?!:(

    • Julie Plagens on March 6, 2018 at 4:37 am

      Thanks so much for your comment. We have a long way to go before this is under control,

  28. Akila Wickramasekara on March 4, 2018 at 3:07 pm

    Relay good one for the time… keep the good work..

  29. LavandaMichelle on March 4, 2018 at 2:01 pm

    I hope we can all work together to fight for whats right. A group is better than being solo, when trying to make change. Thanks for sharing such an important post.

  30. Dee Jackson on March 4, 2018 at 7:11 am

    I can understand the information that you’re presenting. I do think that parents have an incredible responsibility for raising great children but the child themselves are also responsible

    • Julie Plagens on March 6, 2018 at 4:39 am

      You bet. Kids have to be responsible for their actions. Thanks for your comment.

  31. Agnes Vazhure on March 4, 2018 at 4:49 am

    This is such a great post. There are some things that we can do to end the school shootings. and we need to work on it.

    • Julie Plagens on March 6, 2018 at 4:40 am

      Yes. I fear my suggestions will fall on deaf ears. The trends don’t lean to family values.

  32. KC Puentespina on March 4, 2018 at 1:57 am

    I was a single parent to my 2 older kids before I met my husband. Although they grew up without a father they had father figures in their lives in the form of my dad and brother. And I’m so thankful that they filled up the missing pieces in the puzzle. And I thin that’s very important. I had so many regrets in my life, if only I waited and if only I listened to my parents I wouldn’t be in that situation. Like you, I believe that the foundation of morals and values start at home. But in my case, with all honesty I can say that my parents did everything to raise me right. The problem was within me. That only proves that as parents, we can only do much. But that doesn’t mean, we don’t try hard enough.

    • Julie Plagens on March 4, 2018 at 4:01 am

      Thank you for such an honest reply. The thing about your situation is you made a full circle. Your parents did do a good job. You may have strayed a while but because your family stayed in there, you came back. I wish you many wonderful years together.

  33. Tanya Gioia on March 3, 2018 at 11:12 pm

    The stats are heavy in this area. I am in complete agreement that this is not just a ‘man” issue. We are designed by God to live in families and to build communities. I think one of the things the birth control pill, abortion and easily dissolvable marriages provided was an individualism that is not sustainable.

    Single parents without extended family are faced with some tough decisions for everyday survival.
    I whole heartedly agree with your suggestion for single mothers and single fathers to find strong value based christian community to help with the raising of cildren.

    • Julie Plagens on March 4, 2018 at 4:05 am

      Thank you for your comments. Yes, we were designed to live together with a mother and father. I know that’s not possible for some, but making good choices in the beginning ensures a much better chance for future children to succeed.

  34. Cornelius Longbottom on March 3, 2018 at 10:50 pm

    I don’t think any of the reasons you cited have any relationship to mass shootings. Divorce rates have risen across the world and we don’t see anything on the same level as in the US. It is far better for a woman and her kids to leave a terrible relationship than to stay in it. There is no stabilizing effect in just having a man around.

    What we do have a problem with is the toxic way that men see themselves in the US that is not seen anywhere else in the world. Just listen or read what mass shooters if they left anything behind and you will see that they were all entitled and felt that the world owed them something. It’s not an issue with religion or morality as many of them were devout Christians or their families said they all were. It’s all them and their view on the world. Couple that with access to guns and the inevitable will happen.

    • Julie Plagens on March 4, 2018 at 4:12 am

      I hear you. There are a lot of factors that go into this. I added an info graphic that gives 10 more statistics about the connection to crime, mental illness, drugs, and high school dropout rates with those who are fatherless children. The numbers are staggering.
      You’re right. These boys are angry, entitled, and revengeful. My theory is a lot of that rage is because of what has happened at home first and then the rejection at school.
      Thanks for commenting. I know my thoughts are controversial, and not everyone will agree with me.

  35. Holly on March 3, 2018 at 7:16 pm

    This is great…awesome actionable tips to make a difference!!

  36. dogmomseanna on March 3, 2018 at 5:04 pm

    I can def see where you are coming from but I dont think those are the reasons for school shootings. I am from a split home and me and my siblings do not have the desire to shoot anyone. We had some church in our life but very very little. I personally believe a lot of it has to do with mental illness but that is just me. I did not come here to argue with anyone on the fact I just think it was a weird excuse that you chose to talk about.

    • Julie Plagens on March 4, 2018 at 4:22 am

      I appreciate your comments. I know this is really controversial and not everyone will agree. I added an info graphic that gives 10 more statistics which includes the percentage of children who are fatherless and have mental illness, commit crimes, get into drugs, and drop out of school. The numbers are staggering. Most of the numbers are over 70%.
      Of course, not everyone is going to do these things if they are fatherless. But the ones who do, most have this in common.
      I’m glad you do not suffer with any of this in your family. You are blessed.

  37. Melissa on March 3, 2018 at 1:54 pm

    You bring up some really valid points Julie. When the family system breaks down, the children are the ones that struggle the most. This is a complex topic as you described. An area that I would add on to would the be devaluing of life in multiple ways. You described abortion which I completely agree altered people’s view of life. In addition, our children are being bombarded with more and more violence in media – tv shows, movies, and video games. The addition of virtual reality gaming makes this all the more dangerous. When we add the desensitization of violence to boys without father figures and/or a life of neglect and abuse, the results are incredibly high for mental health issues. There also needs to be greater education in the foster care system.

    • Julie Plagens on March 3, 2018 at 1:59 pm

      You are so right. I didn’t even go into media. This is another huge component. Yes, the mental health issues are caused by what are children are being exposed to. Kids who are left to themselves and are not monitored on their phone, social accounts and what they play on videos are much more likely to commit violent acts.

  38. Stacy Sitarski on March 3, 2018 at 12:52 pm

    Love this! Seldom do you see any solutions that actually get to the core of the problem. Thank you for this. Oh, and I remember a conversation I had with my grandma one time. She was saying many of the same things as you did on how and why our world was changing…not for the good. That always stuck with me and changed my view on life and what my priorities should be. 🙂

    • Julie Plagens on March 3, 2018 at 1:42 pm

      Thank you so much for acknowledging this. I feel like there is such a disconnect with women. They can’t see that their choices make a difference for good or bad. When we take the time to choose our men wisely the outcome is so much better. If a man can’t wait, then his intentions are to use you more than love you. That’s not the best way to start a relationship-with a selfish man.

  39. Kiwi on March 3, 2018 at 7:59 am

    Number #2 is important to me! I am single and I am purposely not having kids until I am married and I want a strong family. I didnt realize the statistic for these school shootings are angry little boys without fathers, boys need there fathers and they are definitely lashing out without that male influence to balance them out.

    • Julie Plagens on March 3, 2018 at 1:51 pm

      I’m so glad you are able to see the connection. It is so important to wait, think, and choose wisely. Picking a husband and father is one of the biggest decisions in a woman’s life yet we do it sometimes on a one night stand. How have women come so far yet been blinded so easily??

  40. Ingrid on March 3, 2018 at 1:43 am

    Why blame this on the women though. It is a society with shifting values that contributes to this situation

    • Julie Plagens on March 3, 2018 at 4:19 am

      If you look at my title, it says, “5 ways women can help.” I’m not blaming women. I am saying we can make healthier choices for ourselves and our future children. When you become connected with a man sexually, you have to consider if he would be a good husband and role model for future children. There is always a chance of pregnancy. There are 60 million other women who didn’t think they would get pregnant and they did only to choose abortion as a way out. Or there are the other 30%-50% who chose to have their baby alone. A child needs a father just as much as a mother. Women have gotten the idea they don’t need a man to raise children. It’s just wrong.
      These concepts have been pulled out of school for so long that we have one to two generations who are disconnected with cause and effect. I’m trying to tell women they can do better than they are doing when picking a man. I’m going to the root of one of the issues.
      And you’re right. Society has changed its values. WE are society.

  41. Alison Rost on March 3, 2018 at 1:34 am

    There are so many things that we can do to end the school shootings. It’s good to look back on our values and stick to them as much as we could. It’s really important that the kids grow in a nurturing and loving home with both the parents. Only if it’s possible, because there are unavoidable situations wherein separation is healthier.

  42. Julie Plagens on March 2, 2018 at 10:56 pm

    I love this. What a wonderful story of love. I realize mistakes will be made. You acknowledged it and moved to better choices. So glad you have a great marriage, and your son has a fabulous role model. Thanks for your comment.

  43. Sarah on March 2, 2018 at 10:42 pm

    Love this! I do think that more folks need to wait for sex till they find the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I didn’t, I wish I had but my folks were divorced and my father was not as active as he should have been in my life so I was always looking for the male attention I wasn’t getting and needed. My husband has only ever been with me and doesn’t seem to regret it at all and we have been together 17 years. I pray daily that our son will follow in his footsteps in that aspect. Change starts at home and if you don’t have a stable home you can’t expect to have stable teens and adults.

    • Julie Plagens on March 9, 2018 at 3:11 am

      What a sweet response. You have turned your life in a positive direction. I’m sure your son will be a wonderful young mom with two wonderful parents. Thanks for reading.

  44. Amber Stanfield on March 2, 2018 at 8:54 pm

    Who knew that posts like this would not only be relevant, but also needed?!!! Sad times we live in. I agree with many of the reasons behind the uptick in school shootings, as well as what women can do to help stem the tide. I’m not an abstinence only person, because I think its unrealistic in many aspects, but I do agree that women have to make better choices with regard to who they procreate with, and that father’s have got to step up to the plate and be present, and a moral compass to guide the family.

    • Julie Plagens on March 2, 2018 at 10:47 pm

      Thank you so much for the validation. I knew the abstinence part would be quite unpopular. Most people think it’s ok to experiment. It kinda reminds me of the pot issue. Just as pot is the gateway to drugs, premarital sex is the gateway to sexual diseases, emotional trauma, and abortion.
      I heard there was another shooting today. I wonder if it is a fatherless boy?

  45. Kristi Ann on March 2, 2018 at 8:38 pm

    Love is all these kids need!! To just know they are loved unconditionally!! A kind word can go a long way. Great post!

    • Julie Plagens on March 2, 2018 at 10:49 pm

      Yes, these kids are angry because they don’t feel loved. They haven’t gotten the attention at home they need, so they are going to get someone’s attention one way or another. Thanks for your comment.

  46. Amber Myers on March 2, 2018 at 5:48 pm

    I am not religious at all, but I think I did choose a good man for a husband! I don’t agree with staying married if it’s not working though. Kids would prefer to have happy separate parents than ones who fight all the time.

    • Julie Plagens on March 2, 2018 at 10:52 pm

      I totally get that. I was just recommending the parents try counseling before they give up. I think a lot more marriages could be saved if divorce weren’t so easy to get. There are times when it’s so toxic that divorce is necessary.

  47. Bill Lane on March 2, 2018 at 5:27 pm

    Very wise counsel, Julie.

    • Julie Plagens on March 2, 2018 at 5:38 pm

      Thanks, Bill. That means a lot! Thanks for reading it.

    • Julie Plagens on March 2, 2018 at 10:58 pm

      Thanks, Bill. That means a whole lot. I appreciate your support!

    • Julie Plagens on March 9, 2018 at 3:12 am

      You’re a doll! Nothing like family support.

  48. Annie Cho on March 2, 2018 at 4:45 pm

    The increase in school shootings is really heartbreaking. I think it’s important to create positivity and love to our children (boys and girls).

  49. Jessica Joachim on March 2, 2018 at 1:10 pm

    The shootings are so terrible and heartbreaking. I feel like it really is a deep rooted issue and there is a lot that needs to happen to effect change.

    • Julie Plagens on March 2, 2018 at 3:03 pm

      Totally agree. I wish we could stop it today!! Thanks for reading.

  50. Joanna on March 2, 2018 at 12:04 pm

    I don’t believe that there is a stereotype of the “school shooters”. I think they are just mental unstable, and that has nothing to do with women having sex before marriage or staying married! Staying married when the relationship doesn’t work anymore can create more stress on the child than getting a divorce because of all the fighting! As an example, there has been a school shooting in the UK in ’96. That’s when all the guns have been banned. There hasn’t been a shooting ever since!

    • Julie Plagens on March 2, 2018 at 3:46 pm

      My issue is the fact we have so many fatherless children who are shooters. This is a pattern . The stats back my claim. If you work backwards, you can trace the poor decisions made long before the child becomes a teen.
      It starts many years earlier when kids are born out of wedlock (no father), absent fathers due to divorce, or fathers who just randomly walk away because they are tired of being a dad.

      To further my point…as a teacher, I can say 90% of the time, when I contact a parent because of discipline problems in the classroom, there is not a father in the home. It is a single mom trying to do her best to raise her kids.
      I hope you will reconsider your position because you could be one of the stats I listed. One day you wake up, and you realize you are the one in the mess. Not someone else.

  51. Emma Steve on March 2, 2018 at 6:11 am

    This post is very relevant and meaningful and this is a social concern. Let’s all work together.

    • Julie Plagens on March 2, 2018 at 3:49 pm

      Thanks for your comment. We have a choice every day to do the right thing and influence others to do the same. Thanks for reading.

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