Raising teenage girls is as about as difficult as deciphering the Book of Revelations in the Bible. And although both subjects are a mystery, at least with the book of Revelations you know who wins in the end…
The battles with your teenage daughter…not so much! Every day is a new “adventure.” Clothes (or lack thereof), messy room, makeup (too much), boys, homework, and the phone are just a few of the subjects you will encounter along the way.
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As a mom who has just raised a teenage daughter, I want to give you a few Christian parenting tips on how to raise your teenage girl.
And while no one has the perfect formula for raising teenage girls, I can give you some godly advice and encouragement to get you through the hard years.
Thankfully, there are also plenty of fun times along the way, so enjoy the wild ride!
What Is Normal Teenage Girl Behavior?
I’m not sure there is such a thing as “normal” when raising teenage girls, but there are a few things you should probably expect along the way. Like me, you may think that if you are a family who follows God, you will be exempt from worldly drama. Or most of it.
Hahahahah! Reality check, anyone?
Your kids are in the world, and unless you live under a rock, you are going to be forced to deal with things like clothes (modesty), phone time, moodiness, friend issues, crying, irritability, rejection, arguments, grades, withdrawal, embarrassment, bad attitude, chores, sibling rivalry, etc.
This is pretty much normal stuff, Christian or not, you are going to have some conflict in these areas.
The world would also like to tell you drugs, alcohol, sexual encounters, cutting, pornography, and other issues are normal when raising teenage girls.
They are not, although they are part of today’s world and you will probably have to deal with it in one way or another. Don’t kid yourself…homeschooling or private school won’t keep your kids from being exposed to these issues.
BEST TIP: Whatever the issue, it is crucial to lovingly establish clear rules and enforce them while keeping the overall relationship intact when raising teenage girls. It’s a delicate balance, I know, but you need to hold the line while you swim upstream in this moral deficit climate.
Your job as a mom is to not have a meltdown and overreact when things go awry. I know it is hard! I have failed too.
Screaming, over-punishing, intimidation, threats, withdrawal, silent treatment, manipulation, abusive language, cussing, put-downs, etc. will only destroy your relationship and undermine what you are trying to accomplish in the long run.
It is your job to love your daughter and show her Jesus (especially when she doesn’t deserve it), so she will want to follow Him too. Passing faith to the next generation is the long-term goal.
Keep reminding yourself of this when you are raising teenage girls. Love, love, love even though you want to explode!
How Can I Be a Better Parent To a Teenage Girl?
There are no required manuals or mandatory classes when learning how to raise a successful teenager. Sadly, we are left bumbling around hoping to figure it out.
Ahhhhh. Kinda scary, huh?
In all honesty, many times we default to what our parents did with us.
That may help some if you had a healthy role model, but even that may fall short as “we ain’t in Kansas anymore, Dorthy.”
There has been a significant moral decline since then. Our parents probably never dealt with half the things our kids deal with now.
Raising teenage girls in a post-Christian world requires work. You can’t just slide by on your gut instinct anymore. You are going to have to learn how to talk to a teenage girl with some understanding of her world.
BEST TIP: Read, read, read!
Get educated so you can talk to your daughter about what is going on in her life. Check out blogs, books, and listen to podcasts regarding technology, social media, morality, and all the other current issues plaguing your teenage girl.
There are even Christian parenting classes offered online and at churches. If you can, get your spouse involved too.
Many times, when raising teenage girls, we feel fearful because we are out of control and don’t understand everything
You can’t let that fear keep you from being approachable either.
In fact, be willing to have lots of open conversations with your teenage girl about anything and everything going on in her world. It is all about the relationship. And pointing all solutions back to what God says in His word.
This is not the time to be her best friend. That part comes later. She needs a mom who is willing to tell her the truth in love and hold firmly to the values you have set for your family.
How Do I Reconnect With My Teenage Daughter?
There may be a time when you are going to have to repair the relationship with your teenage daughter. I’m not talking about the petty disagreements with the phone, a bad attitude, or not doing the dishes.
I am talking about months of disagreements, ill feelings, and genuine hurt feelings on both sides. The kind of turmoil where it is hard to live under the same roof…Like the wallpaper is about to peel off the wall because there is so much tension.
Honestly, when a teenager is hurt, everyone in the house knows about it.
BEST TIP: It is time to stop and reassess. Pray and ask God to show you why you have an angry teenage daughter. I would recommend even fasting. Don’t be too proud to apologize for your part, even if the part is small.
Pray for the Holy Spirit to convict your daughter of her bad behavior. You cannot force a heart change; it has to be in her time. Conversely, you can hold her accountable to acting kindly to everyone in the household, including you. Bad attitudes are not acceptable.
More importantly, remember you are the parent. It is up to you to be kind too. Do you have a bad attitude?
In the meantime, work on your relationship. Do fun and meaningful things together as she allows. Make some happy memories. Laugh. Figure out what she likes and make it happen.
Listen more and talk less. Did I mention love her? Accept her despite your underlying disagreements. Find a good counselor if things don’t improve. It’s worth getting things resolved so they don’t continue into adulthood.
Dealing With a Difficult Teenage Daughter
Ok, so what teenage girl isn’t difficult at one time or another? Let’s get real here…you were probably difficult too. And what did you want when you were acting badly?
Someone to come down on you more and criticize you?
You wanted love.
You wanted someone to hold you and tell you that you were going to be okay. Or that your hair would grow out, boys are stupid, and acne wouldn’t last forever. You also wanted respect, space, and a little freedom.
And while these things are earned, you can listen to your daughter and work together to reach a common goal. Give your teenage daughter a path to success. Continue to encourage her, pray for her daily, and stand firm on the things that matter.
BEST TIP: What I didn’t realize is that on the “other side “of all the hard times would be a best friend waiting for me. I know you can’t possibly envision it now, but if you will continue to nurture the relationship you will reap dividends when she becomes an adult.
You will not be in this phase forever. I promise.
Raising Teenage Girls To Be Godly Women
Raising a godly teenage daughter will not happen overnight. In fact, Satan will lie to you and tell you that you are a bad mother. Or that your daughter is never going to follow Jesus in such a godless society.
Don’t believe it. The world may pull on your daughter, but your prayers are stronger. In fact, God is stronger. He loves your daughter more than you do. And he has a good plan for her life.
BEST TIP: If you want your teenage daughter to be a godly woman, then you be one first. You are her biggest role model. More is caught than taught.
It is your responsibility to grow in your own faith and model how to behave appropriately (even if she doesn’t). It is not about being perfect. It is about doing the right thing and owning up to it when you don’t. It is about humility, surrender, prayer, and sacrifice.
Not glamourous, but it works.
All of these organizations offer great support for parents of teenagers. The podcast hosts are great and fun to listen to as well.
Do you have some great advice on raising teenage girls? Comment below.
Got Family Problems? There is Help and Hope!
Are you experiencing family problems or have a family estrangement? Do you feel shame, anger, or rejection? Check out my book Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart on Amazon or at your favorite digital store.
This book not only talks about my seven-year estrangement from my Christian family but also gives solid tips to help you with your family problems. Break free from your pain. Allow God to heal you no matter what has happened in your family of origin. There is hope when your family falls apart.
Creating Family Memories Book
Get Creating Family Memories. This book will help you manage your family in a way that allows more time to be intentional with your kids. It includes a schedule too. You can get it at your favorite bookstore.
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Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the group Christian Family Living. This is a place for Christian women to freely talk about parenting, marriage, faith, family, and culture. Being a Christian is hard! Let’s do it together. Most of all, a sense of humor is required. Got memes? Bring it on!
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