Are you struggling with how to raise a boy right in an ungodly world? To be honest, some days you are probably just trying to keep your son alive. That’s okay. We have all been there.
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But sooner or later, your boy is going to grow up to be a man. More importantly, it’s time to think about how you’re going to help him get to adulthood. Not just to be a mediocre man, but one who is godly.
Last week, I talked about Creative Ways to Raise a Strong Daughter and used Psalm 144:12 as a reference. It is the prayer of a king for victory and blessing.
This week I want to focus on the first part of the verse which is about sons.
Let’s review the verse in case you didn’t read last week’s blog. It says, “May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace” (Psalm 144;12 CSB).
In this post, I am going to talk about how to raise a boy right in an ungodly world. In fact, the goal is for him to be like a full-grown plant in his youth.
Say whaaattttt? I know it sounds weird, but stick with me. This is good stuff.
How Do I Raise My Son to be a Godly Man?
Raising your son to be a godly man is a daily battle.
In fact, expecting him to be like plants full-grown in youth is no small order. Symbolically, plants full-grown produce fruit such as the fruit of the spirit. You know, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, love, joy…(Galatians 5:22-23).
You might be thinking this is asking a bit much from your son. Perhaps you are even looking at him right now and giggling a bit to yourself.
So what is the secret sauce? How do you raise a boy right in an ungodly world?
The answer is more about what not to do.
The Rogue Male
Many years ago, my husband and I worked through a series in our Sunday school class called Song of Solomon by Tommy Nelson.
This was over twenty years ago, but I have never forgotten Tommy’s words. He said, “Don’t let your daughters marry a rogue male. He will abuse her.” Listen to him in this video.
What is a rogue male? Tommy Nelson described this kind of young man as someone who is not willing to submit to authority.
You know the type. The bad boy. A boy out of control or defiant.
Sadly, these kids have become arrogant, proud, and defiant. If you want to know how to raise a boy right, then do not allow him to go to his base nature–rogue. Deal with the pride and arrogance early.
Tips on How to Raise a Boy Right
The best tip on how to raise a boy right is to train him to be teachable while you are working on other character traits. I think many parents do not realize that in order for our young men to be full-grown and sensible they have to first be willing to take instruction.
We have to help our boys get past pride and stubbornness. Girls have lots of pride and stubbornness too. Believe me, I understand this very well.
But boys are different in that they tend to act out in a more violent manner when they are not willing to submit to authority.
Don’t let your boys be disrespectful to an authority figure (you included), have a bad attitude, or display a heart of pride and arrogance. These character traits are the foundation of a rogue male who will only think of himself.
Let your boys (and girls) be accountable for bad behavior. Give consequences. But also praise.
It is good to praise your sons (and daughters) when they listen, act humbly, or have a good attitude. You can start these things when they are a toddler. Encourage a happy heart even when they don’t like something.
Being teachable is the foundation for learning other important character traits.
How Is Raising a Boy Different Than a Girl?
Everyday Health says the following about the differences between boys and girls:
Most experts believe that girls reach initial developmental milestones earlier than boys, such as talking, developing hand-eye coordination, and controlling their emotions. This latter gender difference is the result of hormones. Baby boys have higher levels of testosterone than girls and lower levels of serotonin, which causes them to be more easily stressed and harder to calm down. Infant girls, on the other hand, show a greater tendency to comfort themselves by sucking their thumbs. Higher levels of testosterone are also responsible for boys’ typically more “aggressive” behavior.
When you look at boys and how they act out, you see that the incarceration rates by gender shows there are many more males in prison than females. This is why is it so important to work on your son (and daughter) to be teachable at an early age.
It will keep them from acting out in a violent manner and becoming the rogue male Tommy Nelson warned us about.
What If My Son (or Daughter) Won’t Listen?
It is so important to learn how to raise a boy right because it will come back to haunt you later. I promise. Sadly, a child who is not teachable is called a fool according to the Bible. Check out these verses:
Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes.
Proverbs 21:2 Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord ponders the heart.
Proverbs 13:1 A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.
When you see your child is not in a place to take instruction, back off and give him space. Many times I sent my kids to their room until they were willing to listen and obey. That works in elementary school but doesn’t work so well in the teen years.
If you have a difficult teen who won’t listen to you, keep loving him. You can not force a heart change. The Holy Spirit has to do it.
I would also suggest you start praying and fasting a meal or two a week. Keep holding him accountable for bad choices, and lot’s of praise for good choices. ( This works for girls too.)
Meanwhile, work on a relationship with him. Do an activity together that he likes. Chances are he will start talking while you are doing the activity.
If he is angry, talk through the issue. Whatever you do, don’t give up. Stay consistent. This is the best way to reach your unteachable child so that one day he will grow up to be a godly man.
What advice do you have on how to raise a boy right? Comment below.
Got Family Problems? There is Help!
Are you experiencing family problems or even estranged? Are you feeling shame, anger, or rejection? Check out my book Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart on Amazon or at your favorite digital store.
This book not only talks about my seven-year estrangement from my Christian family, but it also gives solid tips to help you with your own family problems. Break free from your pain. Allow God to heal you no matter what has happened in your family of origin. There is hope when your family falls apart.
Creating Family Memories Book
Get Creating Family Memories. This book will help you manage your family in a way that allows more time to be intentional with your kids. It includes a schedule too. You can get it at your favorite bookstore.
Join Christian Family Living Facebook Group
Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the group Christian Family Living. This is a place for Christian women to share their experiences and get helpful tools to navigate the Christian life. We love to laugh, cry, and encourage each other to live out our faith one day at a time.