If you are raising a teenage girl, you know she can be difficult sometimes…Okay, more than sometimes.
For some reason, God thought it would be fun to put teenage daughters and mothers together in the same house, each with unbalanced hormones, deep emotional feelings, and differing opinions about, well, everything.
When there is a flare-up, it is enough to send the rest of the family running to grandma’s house until the coast is clear (which could be a long time).
So, how do you manage a teenage girl who is pushing every button and, at the same time, finding her own identity as a person?
If you need help with raising a teenage girl, keep reading. You may just find some good pro tips to help you survive the hardest years of parenting.
Don’t worry, the teenage girl problems with parents don’t last forever. One day, you will be close again, and it will be great!
How to Survive Raising a Teenage Girl
Check out these 15 tips for raising a teenage girl (or raising a defiant teenage girl). As a teacher and a mom who has raised a daughter, I can give you some pro tips to help you along the way.
While I can’t get you out of this phase anytime soon, I can reassure you that this is normal teenage girl behavior; it won’t last forever. In the meantime, these survival skills will help:
- Don’t take rejection personally– you might be thinking, “Why is my teenage daughter so mean to me?” Or “I really dislike my teenage daughter.” I get it. It’s a phase.
Your daughter is in the process of finding her own identity by exercising her independence through separation. Sometimes that means totally rejecting who you are as a person for a time. Be patient.
Pro tip: It’s okay to admit to yourself that the rejection hurts. In the meantime, know who you are as a child of God so that you can withstand the rejection from your teenage daughter.
2. Love never fails-love your daughter no matter what she says or does. She needs your constant love and support through thick and thin. In fact, when raising a teenage girl, love is the most important thing you can do.
Pro tip: Your daughter is testing you to see if your love is unconditional. This is one test you need to pass every time when parenting a teen girl!
3. Listen– your daughter needs you to listen to her. Let her know you are there for her no matter what she has done. It is better to have an open door than have no idea what is going on in her life.
Pro tip: Don’t overreact when she tells you something you don’t want to hear. If you do, she will think twice about ever telling you anything else again because she doesn’t feel safe.
RELATED: Check out the Crazy Cool Family podcast to teach you how to listen to your daughter.
4. Communicate clear expectations-set boundaries with your daughter. She needs to understand what is expected of her as far as grades, curfew, friends, etc. This is a hard balance to maintain because being too strict is just as harmful as having no rules at all.
Pro tip: You won’t always get the balance right when raising a teenage girl. Give yourself grace. You’re gonna need it when learning how to talk to a teenage daughter.
5. Pray for wisdom-prayer is the most important thing you can do as a parent. There were many times we had no idea what to do, so we prayed. God somehow showed us the right answer when we needed it.
Pro tip: Prayer is your lifeline as a parent when raising a teenage girl. Satan will tell you that you must have big, long prayers for it to count. Don’t worry about time, just start. Over the years, your prayer life will grow if you stick with it.
6. Manage the phone and social media-make sure you have the passwords to all your daughter’s accounts and keep an eye on what is posted. Put blocks on the phone and don’t allow it overnight in her room. Pornography is pervasive. In the meantime, keep dialoguing about how to handle the phone. You can’t possibly catch everything. Ultimately, she has to take ownership. ( We did allow our daughter to keep the phone at all times her senior year.)
Pro tip: Ignore any protests about digital privacy. She is your daughter, in your home. Furthermore, you are paying for the phone. This is no different than a stranger coming into your daughter’s bedroom to wreak havoc on her.
7. Be a parent, not a friend– your daughter needs you to be her parent, not her buddy right now. She has plenty of friends but only one parent. One day you will be close friends. The object is to maintain a great relationship that is loving, open, and respectful both ways.
Pro tip: God has commanded you to train up your daughter in the way of the Lord (Prov. 22:6). This is not a suggestion. Don’t forget you are accountable to Him, not your teenage girl.
8. Create a healthy environment-the best thing you can do as a mother raising a teenage girl is to work on yourself. Be aware of unhealthy behaviors that you may be passing down to the next generation.
Pro tip: It is important to say you are sorry when you have done something wrong. This sets a good example for her and lets her know that you are not God.
9. Go to church/ youth group-make sure your family attends church and your teenage girl attends a youth group or Bible study so she is plugged in with other Christians.
Pro tip: Making Christian friends is one of the best things your daughter can do during her teen years. It is easier to make good choices when she is surrounded by believers who love Jesus.
10. Reward-reward your daughter for good choices. Give extra privileges, extra time out, later bedtime, money, or whatever reward is important to her. Let her know that you see all the good things she does.
Pro tip: bribery is promising a reward “if she does something.” Rewarding is giving something after good behavior is chosen. Bribes work, but they are not sustainable. You want to move into internal motivation as quickly as possible.
Get your FREE printable CELL PHONE CONTRACT PDF for you and your teen!
11. Give consequences-it is better for you to give consequences at home before your daughter grows up. Otherwise, she will think she is the center of the universe and will be shocked when the world doesn’t cater to her.
Pro tip: When you call out bad behavior, you let her know she is sinful and needs a Savior. Otherwise, she will be stuck in pride and never be aware of herself.
12. Give chores-it is important to help around the house. Doing dishes, cleaning up, and laundry are good ways to train her for when she goes to college. FYI: She is not a princess.
Pro tip: You are not the maid; it is okay to ask for help. Your daughter needs to know it takes the whole family working together as a team to get the job done.
13. Be consistent-when raising a teenage girl, you need to clearly think through what consequences you are going to give for poor choices and then stick with it. Additionally, you need to be firm but loving. Mean what you say, and say what you mean.
Pro tip: If your daughter knows you hate conflict, she will learn to manipulate you and throw a fit to get her way. Stay strong even when she acts horribly.
14. Say “yes”- try to make as many of your answers be a positive “yes.” For instance, “Yes, you can go to your friend’s house after you do your homework.” Or “Yes, you can stay out twenty minutes longer as long as you will still get up for church tomorrow.”
Pro tip: Your three biggest “no’s” need to be anything related to drugs, sex, and alcohol. Most of this centers around friends. Encourage good friends.
15. Give choices- Give choices for two acceptable things so your teen feels in control. Example: “Do you want to do your homework before or after dinner?” Or “We have ____ or ____ for snacks. What do you want?”
Pro tip: Strong-willed kids want to be in control of everything. Remember this when you are dealing with them. Choose your battles wisely. There are some hills not worth dying on.
What Is the Worst Age For Teenage Girls?
It’s funny because my gut answer to this question was junior high to early high school. (I taught junior high). I looked up this question on the internet and many sites said age 14.
I asked my daughter and she said ages 13-16 were the worst for her.
This doesn’t mean it’s going to be the same for your teenage girl, but it’s good to keep this in the back of your mind as you walk this journey.
Pin it now!
How to Deal with Teenage Daughter Attitude?
Your teenage daughter is going to have an attitude; it comes with the territory. Teach her how to express her feelings appropriately. Remember, she is learning conflict resolution skills that she will take into life.
Decide what you will and will not tolerate. We never allowed yelling, but we never yelled. We didn’t allow disrespect, but we were respectful.
If she can’t get a hold of herself, let her cool down. Try again later. You may need to do the same thing.
Raising a teenage girl is a blessing. One day, you will have a friendship with her, and she will rise up and call you blessed. More than anything, remember that more is caught than taught. Be the godly example she needs so she has someone to look up to.
The typical disrespectful behavior in teenagers doesn’t have to be what your teen does with you. You can do things differently if you make an effort to keep the relationship intact. That is the most important thing when it comes to parenting.
What tips do you have for raising a teenage girl? Comment below.
Got Family Problems? There is Help and Hope!
Are you experiencing family problems or have a family estrangement? Do you feel shame, anger, or rejection? Check out my book Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart on Amazon or at your favorite digital store.
This book not only talks about my seven-year estrangement (and reconciliation) from my Christian family but also gives solid tips to help you with your family problems. Break free from your pain. Allow God to heal you no matter what has happened in your family of origin. There is hope when your family falls apart.
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