If you have had a hard week with your kids, you may enjoy some helpful facts about parenting from an experienced mom who has raised two kids. These parenting secrets are not so much about what you need to do as a parent; it is more about encouragement for your own parenting style.
Looking back, I realize how much I worried about some of my parenting decisions. Even though most days I felt confident about my ability to be a good mom, there were other days, not so much…I felt like a total failure.
Frankly, I wish I had more people telling me the real facts about parenthood. Perhaps some encouragement the day my son accidentally poured a bottle of maple syrup over his head might have been nice. Or the day my daughter came home with lice. That was fun…
For those of you who have had a “maple syrup or lice” kind of day, this is for you.
Here are a few pieces of wisdom I have gleaned along the way. Perhaps I can enlighten you on the difference between parenting myths and facts. Oh, by the way, vaseline kills lice. That’s true. I learned that on the third round of washing my daughter’s hair.
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3 Facts About Parenting I Wish I Knew Earlier
Here are three facts about parenting I wish I knew when I first started having kids. I think it would have helped if older moms let me know that I didn’t have to be perfect in parenting a child. And my kids didn’t have to be perfect either.
Remember that kids all develop differently. Each one is unique and special in their gifts and talents.
1. Parents Compare Their Kids
One of the first facts about parenting you need to know is that parents like to compare their kids in every way possible. It is natural and can be okay, but sometimes it crosses into bragging and over-inflated egos. If our kids look good, we look good too.
I remember I would often hear about how little “precious” did this or that and how amazing he was. Their child was perfect in sports, school, musical abilities, or even potty training. It starts early. I was constantly wondering if I was doing things right if my kids weren’t number one.
Or doing number 2.
I promise you that your friend’s kids have faults. They just aren’t telling you. Learn to ignore “braggy” mom or dad. Some parents just don’t want to be transparent about their life or their kids.
It is a real blessing when you can find a friend with whom you feel safe enough to talk about parenting struggles. If you can’t find a friend, MOPS is a great avenue to find like-minded moms who want to talk honestly about parenting and mom life.
Better yet, join a prayer group where you can pray about your struggles and share your deepest concerns with safe people.
In the meantime, remember one of the greatest facts of parenting is other kids may have special talents, but your kids have special talents too. Celebrate your child’s talents and gifts–just don’t brag about it.
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2. Peer Pressure From Other Parents
Second, you need to be aware of the peer pressure you are going to feel from other parents. Over the years, I have felt an enormous amount of pressure from other parents to conform to what everyone else was doing.
It permeated sports, social activities, grades, church, clothes, and even social media standards. At the end of the day, you and your husband have the responsibility of raising your children.
You alone are accountable to God for how your family conducts their affairs. Don’t let other parents pressure you into allowing your kids to do things they are not ready to do or allowing your kids to do things you know are not right.
Sadly, this is one of the facts about parenting that is hard to swallow.
I never thought this is where I would be persecuted the most in my Christian walk. You would be surprised what parents are letting their kids do now. Even Christian families have become dangerously permissive with drugs, sex, and alcohol.
This article from Crosswalk goes into further detail on how to deal with peer pressure from other parents.
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3. Parenting Styles Differ
The third, and one of the greatest facts about parenting, is to remember that parenting styles differ. Eventually, it all works out in the end, so just keep on the path you know is right for your kids.
For instance, both of my kids were highly social and didn’t love school work. They were both “B” students (gasp). And I am here to tell you they are fine. The world did not come to an end.
I think my kids would both say they are happy with their efforts in school; it got them where they wanted to go. My husband and I are happy with them too.
I am relieved to say they both were accepted into all the colleges they applied to when they were a senior in high school.
My best parenting secret is to lean into your kid’s gifts and pray God will get them where they need to be. I had my doubts some days. FYI: Getting maple syrup and vaseline out of hair is awful.
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What Is the Hardest Part of Parenting?
I wish I had known these three facts about parenting when I started out as a mom. It would have helped me to know that being a parent is a mental game. The hardest part of parenting was overcoming the worry, fear, and doubt over things that were mostly normal parts of growing up.
Now that my kids are older, I see how God worked in their lives to get them where they are now. It is only by His grace we made it through some of the rougher patches.
Looking back, I realize the disappointments and trials are when my kids grew the most. And so did I.
Don’t give up. If you have had disappointments, you will make it through. It all does come out okay in the end. Maybe not what you thought, but through their struggles, they do find their way.
What facts about parenting do you want to share? Comment below.
Got Family Problems? There is Help and Hope!
Are you experiencing family problems or even estranged? Are you feeling shame, anger, or rejection? Check out my book Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart on Amazon or at your favorite digital store.
This book talks about my seven-year estrangement from my Christian family and also gives solid tips to help you with your own family problems. Break free from your pain. Allow God to heal you no matter what has happened in your family of origin. There is hope when your family falls apart.
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Get Creating Family Memories. This book will help you manage your family in a way that allows more time to be intentional with your kids. It includes a schedule too. You can get it at your favorite bookstore.
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Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the group Christian Family Living. This is a place for Christian women to freely talk about parenting, marriage, faith, family, and culture. Being a Christian is hard! Let’s do it together. Most of all, a sense of humor is required. Got memes? Bring it on!
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So true! I wish I could have told myself back then (and told my girls) that everything was going to work out just fine. Alot of anxiety would have melted if I could have just trusted God more.
Donna, so true! I am trusting God more now than I did back then. I can look back and see his faithfulness even in the storms.
it all works out eventually is really the key. I laugh now but, boy was I worried that I didn’t know what the heck i was doing back then.
Rain, so true. We don’t always know everything. But God sure does. And we can run to Him everyday with our new problems.
I think everyone has to go through these things only to realise later the reality if things. I’m pretty sure no one knows it will be eventually all okay until it actually is. And when it is, it’s like why were we worried in the first place! This is a fantastic parenting piece! 🙂
Aishwarya, we do have hard things at times, but somehow we survive them. It is all in the trusting of God’s hand with the good and the bad.
Potty training is no joke. Its not like it is a school to teach children how to potty train its literally trial and error and lots of reptition. I will say my mom does it as she is a home daycare provider to infants and toddlers is to get them early…like 14 months try to get them in the habit before 2 because by two those terribles are kicking in and its harder for them to focus on such a serious task.
Kiwi, that is really good advice. Maybe I should have started earlier. Hope people read this! Thanks for your comment.
This is a great post for new parents to read especially if they plan to have more then one child. Having 4 kids, I had to learn to stop comparing my kids to each other and learn each one is different and develops differently. It took #3 FOREVER to potty train so I feel the pain of that.
Meagan, that is so true! Comparing is really hard to stop doing when you have multiple kids. There is a certain balance as you don’t want to miss a real developmental delay, but then you want to give your child space to develop naturally.
I think as long as they are getting regular check-ups at the Dr., things are probably on track.
Thanks for your comments.
Parenting is so hard but so rewarding! I always hated other judgey parents, I just think do you and I will do me x
Charli, so good. I think you can’t really judge as everyone is on a different track. And kids are so unique. I found that my child would have great skills in one area and not so much in another but all was good. I learned to accept their gifts with great peace. Thanks for your comments.
Am not a parent yet, but I’ve been closed to my Mom and her Momma friends, and I think each parents have its own unique technique in racing their kids. Its not good to give comparison, because each techniques doesn’t suits to everyone. But all MOMS are great!
Blair, that’s true. We are all different trying to do the best for our kids. Prayer always helps when confused about what to do. Thanks for your comment.
It is really hard to go through that. I am so glad that everything worked out for you there.
Berlin, thanks. That’s sweet of you to say. Thanks for reading.
Great post! I am not a parent yet but I have such empathy for parents and caregivers! I agree that you have to be careful with comparisons with all aspects of life. It’s so unneccesarily stressful.
Vanessa, I think I still do it with life. I have to stop myself often and stick to what I know I am supposed to do. I even compare blogs. EEK.
Thanks for your comments.
I loved reading this because you don’t often hear this perspective from a mother who no longer has young kids. I suppose you have a lot of wisdom to share with us all! I will definitely refer back to this when I have kids!
Chloe, thanks for your sweet comments. I hope my wisdom as well as mistakes will help others. Take care.
Wow. This is something I will definitely keep in mind when I start to have kids. I never even knew this was something parents felt.
Ada, you will be surprised at how crazy your feelings get when you are a mom. The mother bear comes out. And a bit of crazy. Ha ha.
Thanks for your comment.
This is something that a lot of parents do, I’ve gone through the same thing, comparing myself to others as a parent and how bad it felt when my children didn’t reach a milestone as soon as another child did. It’s important that we realize that all children are different and that they develop on their own pace. Comparing ourselves just isn’t healthy.
Alison, yes, it is hard to stay focused on where your child is at the time. I’m sure it is really hard for parents who have kids with special needs. You compare and pray to God your child reaches those same milestones some day.
You will see your child grow and change in ways you never dreamed whether special needs or not.
Thanks for your comment.
Totally feel for you. Love your post! I had a similar experience and I still remember one thing which I din’t like was the pressure from other parents. I like their advises but sometimes can be overwhelm in a big way and I lost a few of them along the way…
Ouch, I am so sorry. I think that is the great thing about blogging. If you don’t like what you read, you can click it off! No hard feelings. Hope you do well with your kiddos.
Yep, Yep and Yep. You’ve touched these topics spot on!!! OMG the comparison and pressure from other parents is killing me!!! Every family is different!!!
I am so glad I hit a nerve. I am not the only one who felt discouraged at times. The pressure to have your kid in the right school, the best classes and the right extracurricular activities is overwhelming. What happened to just being a child!?
Thanks for your comments.
Once we learn that each child is different things tend to go easier. Of my 4 boys only one got the potty training thing down right away.
Yeah, that’s the way life is, huh? Only 1 out of 4. Haha! They all have their own timing. I am sure they were all learning other things at the time.
Thanks for your comment.
Thanks for sharing such a great message to teach people.
Thanks for the comment.
Loved the article. Never read a blog talking about parenting in deep before. Helped me relate with parents deicisions. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Nik, I am glad you took the time to read it. That means a lot. Have a great summer.
I don’t have children so I can’t relate to this, but I do understand that each child develops in his own time and parents shouldn’t rush or worry about it. Comparing with other children is not healthy at all.
Joanna, comparing with anything is difficult not to do! Thanks for your comment.
My kids are still rather young, but I totally feel this post! Comparison is the thief of joy, and we cannot compare ourselves to other moms and can’t compare our kids. We are all different, and that’s good!
Such a good saying. I still have to make sure not to compare even though my kids are old. Everyone has their own talents and gifts. Thaks for your comment.
I so agree: it does all work out in the end. Parenting can be stressful though, that’s for sure. I try to never compare myself to others–I parent in my own way!
Amber, I am glad you parent your kids the way you need to for their needs. I would always add prayer helps! Thanks for your comment.
This is a lot of great information. Thank you for sharing. I am not a parent yet but I often like to read these articles for my sister. She is in the same predicament with her son not peeing or using the restroom where he should.
OH, Andrea, tell her I can feel her pain. My mom used to say that they won’t graduate wearing diapers. Tell her she will get through it eventually. It is hard, but you just have to be patient and keep trying.
Thanks for reading.
Although my children are now grown, these are some great pointers for all parents. I should pass this along to my son, who is now Dad to two beautiful toddlers!
Julie, thanks. I hope you will pass this blog along. I pray you will enjoy being a grandma. I can’t wait! I bet it is fun. Thanks for reading.
You have mentioned some amazing and so realistic points in this post. Parenting is such a learning curve and one piece of advice may work for one kid and not for other. Comparing and pressuring the kids is something I do not believe in, it is difficult to not but yet again, no two kids are same even in the same household and of same parents, we should appreciate and advise of their individualities and interests.
Preet, I see so much of this in Dallas. It is a big problem pushing kids too much. There is an enormous amount of depression and anxiety to keep up. It is important to push our kids to reach their highest potential and balance it with common sense. Thanks for your comment.
These are great tips, because parenting isn’t always easy it is refreshing to read information that reassures it will all work out somehow.
Xx, Nailil
thirtyminusone.com
Nailil, thanks for your comment. It does seem to work out most of the time. Maybe not how we thought, but you do find God has a plan!
I wish I knew that my wonderful, behaved kids, would turn out to be stubborn, frustrating teen boys! LOL I agree with everything you wrote. I think we all compare ourselves to other parents constantly and it really does need to stop.
Anna, oh the teen years. They do turn back into humans after they go to college. Hold on. The good years are coming back! Thanks for your comment.
I don’t have kids but I think that parenting is hard! There’s no right and wrong or any must rule when it comes to parenting. Whatever works best for you and your kids is just incredible!
Ana, I would agree mostly. It is never wrong to go to God and raise them biblically. It will not return void. And lots of prayers. Thanks for your comment.
Valuable information from parenting point of view. I loved reading your emotional journey with your adorable kids.
Indu, thank for saying that. They were good kids and I am glad to be their mom. Not perfect, but wonderful! Thank for reading.
Such wisdom in this post. Thank you for sharing your beautiful journey. It is amazing that as we raise our little Ones, we deepen and mature in the process. How circular it is that we feel like we are the adults when they are our spiritual teachers. ? Xo, Evelyn, PathofPresence.com ?
Evelyn, thanks for your sweet comment. Oh, my. How my children have taught me so much about God and His love. I am a better person for having them in my life.
I really value advice like this from moms who had been through what I’m going through now!! I appreciate your raw honesty! <3 We struggled with potty training the first time we tried, but he excelled the second time! Not worrying about other people's opinions or standards is so important but definitely hard to practice!
I am so glad you realized this early on. I still struggle with this, but my kids are both doing fine. They have their struggles, and no one is perfect. Keep up the good work. Thanks for reading.
#3 It all works out eventually is the best piece of advice you could have given in my opinion. Parenting is such a learning curve, no two children are the same but as parents all you can do is your best. Which it looks to me is exactly what you are doing.
Yes, it does work out. I still have to remind myself not to compare. I definitely pray about things a lot faster now.
The points you brought up are so real! I’m not a parent yet but I’ve noticed there’s this unspoken amount of pressure and outright judgment if you or your kids don’t fall in line. It’s quite sad. Glad you were able to overcome all of that.
Yes, it is hard not to pressure your kids to do things to match up with the “Jones'” I have had to realize they all develop at a different rate.
So glad you were able to overcome those challenges, and be able to share them with us today. Thank you for sharing these valuable secrets with us!
This is really great advice Momma, I literally did all of it when I was a new mom. Moms constantly have so much guilt about how they are parenting or if they are doing it right and then on top of that other parents come in with their own ways on how we should be doing things. Pray, Less Stress, and Love and we will be fine! httpss://www.blyssyourheart.com
You sound like a seasoned momma. We need a t-shirt! We survived.
Ooo done!
So much to think about. Thank you for sharing.
You’re welcome.
Oh man this was good. I personally have struggled with other people who will critique or question what I am doing etc. It’s natural to want to explain yourself and I have had to learn to not. It’s not their child. Thanks for this!
You bet! You are the best parent for your child!
I get so tired of the parent comparison! Each child will learn and develope in his/her own time. My son was around 3 when he finally decided he was ready to talk and potty train all in the same week! He also didn’t walk till he was 14 months. I can’t tell you how many tricks and unwanted advice I was given and suggestions to have him tested because he was behind. He is now almost 10 and you would never be able to tell we struggled with those issues. Great post!
Thank you so much! I am so sorry you had to go through that. That’s kinda funny that he talked and potty trained all in the same week. I’m sure you were shocked. Its so hard for parents to know if it’s a learning issue or just developmental timing. Glad it worked out for you.