Are You Dying Inside As a Mom? 5 Ways to Get Free
Are you dying inside as a mom? Are you looking for ways to get free? I can relate. There have been days in my life I hurt so badly for my children, and no one knew. If you are like me, you are good at acting like everything is okay when it really isn’t okay.
Meanwhile, you continue through the motions, day after day, smiling and holding your head high like you have it all together. The truth is down deep inside you know you don’t have it all together. You constantly wonder if you are being the best parent possible because there are problems you can’t solve.
In fact, you don’t even have a clue on how you are going to get through the next day without crumbling into pieces. You are lost in worry over your child who is either desperately hurting or not making good decisions. Or both.
You know if you start crying just a little, it may not stop. And you fear you will never be able to put yourself back together to function at a normal level if you let one tear drop from your eyes.
This kind of pain is too much to bare mentally, physically, and/or emotionally. Yet, you won’t tell anyone you are dying inside because you don’t think anyone else could understand.
We Don’t Want to Talk About It
Sadly, most of us can’t talk about our children when it comes to all of their pain and struggles. There are things you can not share with others for fear of it embarrassing or hurting your child.
When there is no one to talk to, you start thinking about it all the time. Mulling situations over and over again; trying to figure out a good solution.
After a while, if nothing changes, you push the pain deep in your heart, hoping it will all go away.
This is when all the weird stuff starts happening. We think our coping mechanisms are ways to get free from the pain. Unfortunately, it only makes it worse.
Bad Coping Behaviors
Here are a few things we may do when we are upset about something with our children. These coping behaviors work well for the short-term, but they are not a sustainable solution long-term. They are not ways to get free.
1. Sit in front of the TV late at night and eat…a lot. And not carrots and celery. (This is the Baptist go-to method.)
2. Become irritable, short-tempered, or angry.
3. Wallow in pain, complain, or become depressed.
4. Work. Stay so busy volunteering, or whatever to keep from thinking.
5. Run from the situation. Hope it all goes away.
6. Give up. Quit trying.
7. Or addictions…we won’t go into this.
Whatever is your way of coping-it all ends up at the same destination. A dead end road. There is no substance or behavior that is going to fix the pain. In fact, what works the best is to deal with it.
5 Ways to Get Free
Here are some ways to get free and deal with your problems appropriately:
1. Acknowledge the pain and address it.
Manage to eat (drink, shop, etc.) in a way that is balanced. Not out of control. If you do binge on that bag of potatoes chips-stop and ask what’s bothering you. Then try to find a way to discuss it. The eating, drinking, etc. is a band-aid covering the pain.
2. Deal With the Fear.
Chances are there is a lot of fear that is making you upset about the pain your child is experiencing. Deal with your fear by doing what you can to make the situation better, and then acknowledge that you do not have the power to fix the rest.
This is where you have to trust God with the rest.
Related: How to Stop Living Your Life in Fear
3. Start praying.
Instead of wallowing in pain or complaining, do something about it. Start praying. I have used books such as Stormie O’Martin’s The Power of a Praying Parent as one of the ways to get free.
You can take the prayer at the end of each chapter and insert your child’s name. Another suggestion is to insert your child’s name directly into scripture verses. This way you are directly talking to God about the problems and laying it at His feet.
If you are powerless to change the circumstances, pray more not less. Eventually, God opens or closes the right doors. He delivers in His perfect time. Every time.
Related: How to Pray for Your Children
4. Stop running.
Stop yourself before you run away from a situation. Ask yourself if you are purposely too busy or if you are in denial. If you find you are running away, stop and deal with it.
Many parents are stuck in the “friend” mode with their kids. They don’t want to enforce consequences even though they know it is the right thing to do. They ignore their child’s bad behavior thinking it will go away.
Many parents are shocked when bad behavior is still there years later. Yet, they didn’t deal with it. Bad behavior doesn’t magically go away; it usually morphs into something worse.
Related: The Most Powerful Parenting Tips
5. Don’t give up.
Don’t give up on your child! Many times God will show you a way through the situation. Other times you may need to get help if you in over your head. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Whatever you do, stay in there. Your child needs you to go the distance.
These Strategies Work
These strategies have worked to help me with the deep pain and worry over my children. They are appropriate ways to get free. I still use some of them even though my kids are now adults. I never stop praying!
It is important to take the time to learn how to parent your children while acting as the adult, not as your child’s friend. When you parent as an adult, you train your children to become functional adults. You are modeling good behavior.
Your kids will learn appropriate coping mechanisms they can repeat with their own children. This is the kind of legacy you want to pass down to the next generation. A legacy of putting God first and dealing with issues especially when the pain seems more than you can handle.
Book on Family Estrangement from a Christian Point of View
Are you experiencing family problems? Perhaps you and a loved one are no longer speaking to each other. Don’t go another day without reading this book. It addresses family problems and estrangement from a biblical point of view. Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart is on Amazon or at your favorite digital store.
Get Creating Family Memories for FREE in exchange for your email. If you get this book, it will help you build a good relationship with your kids so that when the hard times come (teen years), you will be able to weather the storm.
Scroll down or look on the side to sign up. You can also get it at your favorite bookstore.
Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the group Christian Family Living. This is a place for Christian women to share their experiences and get helpful tools to navigate the Christian life. We love to laugh, cry, and encourage each other to live out our faith one day at a time.
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