We had only been married a week when our first marriage conflict hit—and it was a doozy. What started as a casual conversation quickly escalated into our first serious argument as a married couple.
Before I knew it, my husband was laying down rules about the health regimen for our future, nonexistent children. Finger in the face and all. No discussion, no room for negotiation—just his way or the highway.
One of his grand declarations was that we’d give our hypothetical kids cod liver oil.
Naturally, I pushed back. I wasn’t interested in debating the benefits of cod liver oil or reading up on it. I didn’t need to—I already knew he was wrong without hearing him out. And who would dare to point a finger in your face? Bad delivery.
I refused to be part of his horrible plan to give my (faux) babies such a putrid liquid. That wasn’t the kind of mother I envisioned myself being, and I certainly wasn’t going to let him dictate how we’d raise our imaginary children.
Who did he think he was? I was a teacher, after all—an expert! While the finger-wagging was highly inappropriate, it didn’t compare to my next move. I decided to turn it up a notch.
In a fit of frustration, I grabbed my husband’s finger, bit it hard, then bolted to our bedroom, which wasn’t far from the living room—maybe seven feet away. I slammed the door and locked it behind me.
Yes, I bit my husband. Let that sink in…What was I thinking?
Christians Handling Marriage Conflict
As a Christian, I thought I knew how to handle conflict. However, I was defaulting to biting, storming off, and slamming doors.
Those tactics made for a rocky beginning. Looking back, neither of us had any idea how to resolve marriage conflict.
If you are struggling with how to resolve conflict in marriage, I can help! I have learned quite a bit in my 32 years of marriage.
Check out these 15 tips to help you and your spouse resolve marriage conflict in a biblical way. First tip: don’t bite…
(Check out podcasts featuring Julie’s story.)
What Are the 5 Signs of a Strained Marriage?
Is your marriage feeling off?
Perhaps you are not talking, don’t have the intimacy you used to, and don’t feel like trying anymore. Here are five common signs of a strained marriage:
1. Marriage Communication Breakdown
Marriage communication is one of the clearest signs of a strained marriage.
Couples may stop talking openly or only communicate through arguments, avoiding meaningful discussions. Misunderstandings become frequent, and conversations are more about blame than solutions.
RELATED: How to Set Boundaries with Family Members the Right Way
2. Emotional Distance
When one or both partners feel emotionally disconnected, it’s a sign of trouble.
The relationship might feel more like cohabitation than a partnership. Couples may stop sharing their feelings, dreams, or concerns, leading to a growing sense of loneliness in the marriage.
RELATED: Why Does God Allow Pain and Suffering: 6 Undeniable Reasons
3. Constant Criticism or Contempt
If interactions contain a lot of criticism, sarcasm, or contempt, it’s a red flag.
Rather than addressing issues constructively, partners may resort to belittling or demeaning comments, which erode trust and respect over time.
RELATED: How to Change Your Husband Without Saying a Word
4. Lack of Intimacy
A significant decrease in physical or emotional intimacy, such as a lack of affection, closeness, or sexual intimacy, often signals that the marriage is strained.
Intimacy is the thermometer of marriage. It is essential to maintain connection; when it fades, it can deepen the divide between spouses.
RELATED: Christian Marriage Advice To Make a Marriage Last Forever
5. Avoidance of Marriage Conflict
Avoiding conflict may seem like peacekeeping, but in reality, it can signal a strained marriage.
When couples stop addressing their issues and start ignoring or avoiding important conversations, unresolved problems pile up, leading to resentment and emotional distance.
These signs can help identify when a marriage is struggling, and recognizing them early is key to working toward a resolution. Learn how to deal with marriage conflict in a healthy way rather than avoiding it.
Keep reading as we identify marriage problems and solutions!
(Check out podcasts featuring Julie’s story.)
Get your FREE CONFLICT RESOLUTION (PDF) TIPS to help you and your spouse navigate difficult conversations.
How to Deal with Marriage Conflict Using Biblical Marriage Advice
Marriage conflict is inevitable, but how we handle it makes all the difference.
Healthy conflict resolution is not about avoiding disagreements but about navigating them with respect, patience, and understanding.
With these 15 marriage conflict tips, couples can create a stronger, more resilient bond by addressing issues calmly and working through them together. Check out these biblical marriage advice tips and start practicing today!
- Approach marriage conflict as two adults. Put away childish responses and behaviors such as tantrums, yelling, rolling eyes, pouting, and the silent treatment.
- As you discuss the problem, quietly pray for God to give you both humble hearts so that you can work through the differences.
- Resist the urge to leave the room in the middle of marriage arguments or withdraw and ignore your spouse, otherwise known as stonewalling.
- If you feel the situation escalating, communicate that you need a time-out. Take the time to calm down before you lose your temper. Bookmark to discuss your marriage conflict within 24 hours.
- Ask for a “redo.” When you notice a conversation declining, ask to start over with an appropriate attitude. This is a great tactic when dealing with marriage conflict.
- Instead of negatively interpreting what your spouse is saying (colored by your own past experiences), listen and ask for clarification.
- You don’t have to agree with your spouse, but you must respect, validate, and understand what your spouse is saying.
- Instead of people-pleasing, learn to state your thoughts honestly, with love and grace. If you are scared to express them, say so.
- Keep reminding each other that you are on the same team when you are in the middle of a marriage conflict. The goal is oneness.
- Remember that your spouse is not the enemy. Satan is the real enemy when fighting in marriage.
- Put your spouse’s needs before yours.
- Forgive. Overlook minor offenses and extend grace when you have marriage conflict.
- If possible, don’t wait until late evening to start a difficult discussion. It is hard to practice these tips when you are tired.
- Not everything can be resolved in an hour. In particularly hard situations, emphasize that you still love each other. Ask for more time to think through and pray about a situation. (Within 24 hours.)
- If you cannot resolve the marriage conflict on your own, get help from a wise couple or pastor, join a marriage conflict support group, or find a counselor. Go to the counselor even if your spouse won’t go.
Dealing with marriage or family issues? Purchase your ebook or paperback on Amazon or buy Marriage Interrupted or Estranged at your favorite digital store.
Scriptures Dealing with Marriage Conflict
These scriptures will guide you when resolving conflict in marriage by practicing love, patience, forgiveness, and understanding. God wants us to respond to our spouses with grace, not giving in to our flesh.
I Peter 3: 8-9 (NIV)
“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate, and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
This is a great scripture to help you learn how to resolve conflict in marriage biblically.
Romans 12:17-18 (NIV)
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
This scripture calls for peace and reconciliation in relationships, discouraging retaliation or holding grudges.
Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
This scripture reminds us that how we respond in conflict matters. Gentle communication can de-escalate tension, while harsh words can fuel arguments.
Colossians 3:19 (ESV)
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
This is an excellent scripture for learning how to resolve marriage conflict!
Proverbs 14:29 (NIV)
“Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.”
In marriage conflict, this verse urges couples to listen more and react less, controlling anger to avoid hurting one another.
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Communicating effectively, listening actively, and finding common ground can strengthen a marriage relationship rather than tear it apart. The key is to approach each marriage conflict with a biblical mindset and to realize it is an opportunity for growth and a way to better understand your partner and yourself.
Take it from me: the childish tactics don’t work! Show up as adults and work through the marriage issues as two mature people who love God and love each other.
What tips do you have on how to resolve marriage conflict using biblical marriage advice? Comment below!
(Check out podcasts featuring Julie’s story.)
Are You Struggling with Marriage Conflict? Do You Want to Change Your Spouse?
Get Marriage Interrupted: How to Deal with Unexpected Conflict as a Couple and Stay in Love on Amazon or any digital platform. This book has humorous and impactful insights for anyone experiencing marriage conflict.
Included is biblical advice to help couples develop new behaviors and strengthen their marriage with healthy boundaries. With over 30 years of marriage experience, there are practical tips to overcome old behavior patterns and rekindle a marriage relationship rooted in God’s love.
Got Family Problems? There is Help and Hope!
Are you struggling with family issues that have led to a rift or estrangement? Are you feeling a sense of shame, anger, or rejection? Check out my book Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart on Amazon or at your favorite digital store.
In it, I share my own experience of a seven-year estrangement from my Christian family and how we eventually reconciled. Furthermore, I provide practical advice to help you navigate your family issues. Don’t let the pain of estrangement hold you back. Allow God to assist you in healing, no matter what has happened within your family. Remember, there is always hope to be found, even when things seem to be falling apart.
Join the group Christian Family Living on Facebook
Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the Christian Family Living group. This is a place for Christian women to freely talk about parenting, marriage, faith, family, and culture. Being a Christian is hard! Let’s do it together. Most of all, a sense of humor is required. Got memes? Bring it on!
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