Are You the Hot Mess Mom?
Are you a hot mess mom?
I will admit there have been phases in my life that fit this description. I don’t think I would have admitted it at the time, but looking back there were some moments.
Thank goodness there are no videos.
Maybe you have had days, okay, years, where you would like to pull the covers up over your head and hope it will all go away.
It might be you haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in 8 months because your baby is colicky or you are too busy to do everything a “good” mom is supposed to do. I get it.
You are not having it today, tomorrow, or next week. Check back next year.
Maybe you can identify with some of the same things that would make you like me, a hot mess mom. Sometimes. Not all the time.
Hot mess mom moments:
It is the first thing that comes to my mind because I am the first thing that came to my children’s mind when they were sick. They always ran straight to me when they started heaving.
Not the toilet. Me. Every. Single. Time.
And guess who got covered in it? And by it, I mean yesterday’s lunch. This is the ultimate definition of a hot mess mom.
2. Skipping showers.
Showers are overrated. I must admit, sometimes I have been too tired and waited until the next day to bathe. Swimming counts as a shower, right? Or a foot bath?
You just wash your feet in the sink. I think I can count that as biblical or something. Has anyone else ever used wet wipes for a shower? I have not only done that, but I have wet wiped my children. I know, gross. It works though.
3. The clothes.
There is no use wearing something cute during the day. It is a t-shirt and shorts or leggings. Perhaps even sweats. Whatever you wear, it is going to have food or a paint stain on it by noon.
My advice is to wear a cheap t-shirt. My husband’s favorite line when he came home was always, “What’s that on your shirt?” Most of the time I would just shrug my shoulders. Who knew?
4. The hair.
I have long, wavy hair. It takes me a long time to curl or straighten it because my waves neither look ” beachy” nor “fresh.” It has a frizz factor of about 7 out of 10. My remedy is the hair clip. It hides all sorts of sins. It is my standard uniform. Did I mention dry shampoo? It’s awesome.
I hate being late, but when you are trying to dress yourself, two kids, and get breakfast, it is inevitable. It was especially pronounced when going to church on Sunday morning.
My family started singing this stupid song every time they were waiting for me in the car. It goes like this: “Here we sit like birds in the wilderness, birds in the wilderness…” I hate that song.
Related: 13 Easy Ways to Screw Up Your Kids
6. The snacks.
I used to hide the “good” snacks because every time I wanted a piece of something sweet (chocolate), it was gone. When I did want to eat it, I had to carefully look around for wandering children in the kitchen. I didn’t want them to see my hiding place. Then I would go to my secret stash.
If the coast was clear, I would hide it under my shirt and run to my bedroom. After that, I would shut the door and lock it so they couldn’t get in.
Then I would, gleefully, eat it in peace. Unfortunately, the kids kept finding my hiding places. I would have to keep re-hiding it somewhere else. After a while, I couldn’t remember where I moved it.
It was hidden from myself.
Have you ever seen a hot mess mom looking for her own hiding spot when she wants chocolate? This is not one of my better moments in parenting. Watch this video. It explains how I feel.
Christmas is the worst time for me. I am always last to find out the trends have changed. Our first year in a new city, we decided to host the Christmas party at our house.
I had it all planned out. I would wear my really cute Christmas sweater on the night of the party. As the guests arrived, I noticed no one else had their Christmas sweater on. I was the only one.
It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later I realized they were out of style. I heard a comedian on TV making fun of them. It only took 3 weeks for me to figure it out. Hmm. Hot mess mom-yep.
8. The keys and phone.
I can’t tell you how many hours I have wasted wandering around my house looking for the darn keys or cell phone. The keys were always lost in the morning right before school.
I would be running around the house hollering at everyone to look for them.
Most of the time the keys were already in the car or in some pocket in my purse. I swear to you, I am not blonde. FYI: I got a Tile for Christmas.
Best thing ever. I can now find both my keys and my phone. (I’m not an affiliate.)
9. The Tooth Fairy
I don’t know what it is about the tooth fairy, but I could never seem to remember to put money under my kid’s pillow. They would wake up the next day totally devastated because there was no money left, and the tooth was still there.
After so many years of forgetting things, I have gotten pretty good at recovery.
I would tell my kids that they just missed it. We would look again together. Then I would run and grab a dollar (Or a five. Mom guilt.) and slip it under the pillow as I was looking. And take the tooth.
Lo and behold, the child would discover the money and all was well again. I had a hard time explaining why the tooth was gone, but whatever I said worked.
Now I realize they probably felt crazy. Sorry kids if you are reading this…
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Where do I even begin? I have been married for 25 years now. In those 25 years, I have done everything you could possibly do to a piece of meat other than what you are supposed to do to it.
I still can’t seem to make it taste like a restaurant or just good.
Both of my children have learned to quietly pick at their food during dinner or dig through the fridge for something else to eat at a later time.
Things changed when they got their license. At about 8 pm, they would mysteriously disappear for a burger run. I tried.
11. School Lunches
I really hated making school lunches. I was tired of it by the time my firstborn hit 5th grade. Both of my kids had to make their lunches some of the time. Is that bad?
What is even more irritating is that mom who brought up her child’s lunch every day from Chicken Express or some other fast food place. My kids would tell me in detail about what “Johnny” would get every day just to “mom guilt” me.
I did not fall for that trick.
They were stuck with their lunch unless it was their birthday. One day a year they had a hot lunch. I would like to meet “Johnny’s” mom sometime soon.
I just want to see if she is human. And ask her why in the heck she’s bringing her kid a fast food lunch. Every. Single. Day.
For more laughter, check out these funny mom tweets.
What “hot mess” mom moments have you done lately?
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