Bad Parenting Fails: 11 Hilarious Confessions From a Mom

Have you had some bad parenting fails lately? C’mon. Fess up. I know you have!

If this hasn’t happened to you, just wait.

It’s coming.

Perhaps you have had a few bad parenting fails stories you don’t want to share. That’s okay. But I bet you will secretly giggle at someone else’s epic fails.

So go hide in the bathroom with a candy bar and check out this list. See if you can get through this post without laughing to yourself. You know you feel the pain…

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11 Hilarious Bad Parenting Fails From a Mom

Check out eleven epic parenting fails that will make you laugh out loud. I bet you can identify with some of these mishaps.

1. Vomit

Vomit is the first thing that comes to my mind when thinking about mom fails because I am the first thing that came to my children’s minds when they were sick. They always ran straight to me when they started heaving. Not the toilet. Me. Every. Single. Time.

And guess who got covered in it?  And by “it,” I mean yesterday’s lunch.

True story: One of my children, who I won’t name, called me on the phone just as they were throwing up. I happened to be driving in the car when I got the call, so I got all the lovely sound effects going through the speakers of the car. Nothing like surround-sound-heaving. (I’m not sure why they think I need to experience every single nuance of the illness.)

2. Skipping baths

Baths are overrated. I must admit, sometimes I have been too tired and waited until the next day to bathe my kids. Swimming counts as a bath, right? Or a water hose? Sprinkler?

Has anyone ever used wet wipes to bathe your kids? I know, gross. But it works. (This tip is a freebie.)

3. Germs

When your first child is born, you sterilize everything. Blankets, toys, stuffed animals, and the pacifier. Any dropped food goes straight into the trash. It’s unsanitary.

The next child? Eh. Blankets get washed every week or two. Toys and stuffed animals don’t really have germs. And the pacifier gets wiped on your jeans if it has been dropped in the dirt. Food? The five-second rule is in full effect.

The truth is your firstborn probably has a mild case of bleach poisoning. And every child after has probably eaten at least one dead roach.

4. That other mom who “causes” bad parenting fails

Beware of that  “other mom” who does everything to cause your bad parenting fails. She jumps out of the classroom corner when you least expect it.

She’s everywhere. She’s not only on a mission to make you look bad (mom guilt) but she’s also going to create more work for you.

She’s the one who will start the yearly talent show, end-of-year swim party, elaborate costume design for each child in the play, and decide each mom needs to bring three dozen homemade baked goods for the class bake sale–by tomorrow.

When you see her first grader’s “Ferris Wheel” Science Fair project located in the parking lot, run.

Don’t be fooled by her sweet demeanor; she will pull you into her vortex and then WHAM!

Failure.

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 5. Unplanned disasters

I hate being late, but when you are trying to dress yourself, your kids, and get breakfast on the table, it is inevitable.

Some of the delays (unplanned disasters) can be blamed on a full bottle of maple syrup poured on a child’s head, diaper cream as hair gel, a Superman outfit instead of school clothes, a spitting contest, a spoon (expensive flatware) throwing contest into very thick bushes, and a watermelon seed spitting contest at a sibling. (I stopped that one pretty quickly.)

Unfortunately, a lot of things have happened before school or church. Kid’s have impeccable timing.

6. The snacks

I used to hide the “good” snacks because every time I wanted a piece of something sweet (chocolate), it was gone.

If the coast was clear, I would grab “the forbidden merchandise” from my spot, shove it under my shirt, and then run to my bathroom. After that, I would shut the door and lock it so they couldn’t get in.

Then I would, gleefully, eat it. Piece by piece. Unfortunately, the kids kept finding my hiding places. I would have to keep re-hiding it somewhere else. After a while, I couldn’t remember where I moved it.

I hid the chocolate from myself. The joke was on me. ( Worst parenting ever.)

Have you ever seen a mom looking for her own hiding spot when she wants chocolate? Not a good look. Definitely have to repent for some of the words under my breath.

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7. Clothes and hair

How many times have you sent your kids to school with the wrong outfit? Like if it’s Western Day, you send them in PJs? Or it’s crazy sock day and you think it’s crazy “sack” day. Nothing like wearing a sack to school…

The worst was remembering when to dress up your kids for picture day. One year, one of my kids decided to cut (his or her) hair and make “bangs” (unbeknownst to me). It was so short that the “bangs” just stuck out like an arrow coming straight from this child’s head. Hair gel and hairspray just made it look like a greasy arrow.

Now it is preserved for all time and recorded as the official first-grade picture.

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 8. Lost keys

I can’t tell you how many hours I have wasted wandering around my house looking for the darn keys or cell phone. The keys were always lost in the morning right before school.

I would be running around the house hollering at everyone to look for them.

Most of the time the keys were already in the car or in some pocket in my purse. I swear to you, I am not blonde. Do you have some of the same bad parenting fails?

9. The Tooth Fairy

I don’t know what it is about the tooth fairy, but I could never seem to remember to put money under my kid’s pillow. They would wake up the next day totally devastated because there was no money left, and the tooth was still there.

After so many years of forgetting things, I have gotten pretty good at recovery.

I would tell my kids that they just missed it. We would look again together. Then I would run and grab a dollar (Or a five. Mom guilt.) and slip it under the pillow as I was looking. And take the tooth.

Lo and behold, the child would discover the money and all was well again. I had a hard time explaining why the tooth was gone, but whatever I said worked.

Now I realize they probably felt crazy. Sorry kids if you are reading this…

Have you ever forgotten tooth money?  Oh boy. You are batting 1000.

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10. Cooking

Where do I even begin?  I have been married for 25 years now. In those 25 years, I have done everything you could possibly do to a piece of meat other than what you are supposed to do to it.

I still can’t seem to make it taste like a restaurant or just good.

Both of my children have learned to quietly pick at their food during dinner or dig through the fridge for something else to eat at a later time.

Things changed when they got their license. At about 8 pm, they would mysteriously disappear for a burger run. I tried.

My kids probably aren’t laughing at these bad parenting fails…

RELATED: How to Deal with Picky Eaters: 3 Easy Tips That Really Work

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11. School Lunches

I really hated making school lunches. I was tired of it by the time my firstborn hit 5th grade.

My kids got peanut butter because, well, because… (I’m still trying to think of a reason.) Major parenting fail, I know.

Again, there is that “other mom” who does everything for her kid ( See # 4). She brings “Johnny” lunch Every. Single. Day. from Chicken Express, McDonald’s, Steak and Shake, etc.

I wish I could have met “Johnny’s” mom and had a  conversation with her. I feel I could have convinced her as to why peanut butter would be better for everyone’s sanity. Maybe a little “Steak and Shake’ would have helped her see the light.

Confessions From a Tired Mom

From one tired mom to another, take a little time to laugh at your failures. Perfection is not realistic. Not even Farris-Wheel-baked-goods-swim-party-mom has it all together.

Both of my kids have survived my bad parenting fails. They are now adults and seem to be okay (mostly). And we have some very good family stories to share that always seem to cause lots of laughter, especially the bottle of maple syrup that ended up all over my son’s head.

For more laughter, check out these parents’ epic fails.  I laughed out loud when I read this post! It’s good.

What bad parenting fails have you had lately? Comment below!