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The Best Mom Quotes Ever

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Looking for the best mom quotes ever? Here’s a list of funny mom sayings that will make you laugh out loud and brighten your day. You are not alone, mamma. There are many who have gone before you and feel much like you do today.

So put your kids to bed early (or hide in the bathroom for ten minutes) and read how other mothers feel about bedtime, food, parenting, and mom life. Don’t let parenting rob you of your humor. Some days you just gotta laugh!

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Funny Mom Quotes

Check out these funny mom quotes…especially if you’re having a bad mom day. I bet you’ll laugh out loud by the time you finish reading them!

Funny Mom Quotes About Sleeping/Bedtime

“I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.”

“Bedtime is the leading cause of dehydration in children.”

“I slept in until 7:30 am this morning. The sink is clogged, the dog has a purple stripe down his back, and the chocolate cake is gone. So worth it.”

Kid: “Mommy, can I sleep with you? I’m scared.” Mommy: “No, I don’t want the monster following you into my bedroom and keeping me up all night.”

“You’d think after 2, 524 bedtimes, my kids would have this down.”

“‘It’s Saturday morning. I think I will get up at 5:30 am and make sure everyone hears me play my toys’ says every toddler.”

Related: How to Create Family Memories with a Crazy Schedule

Funny Mom Quotes About Food

“Hiding in the bathroom with the door locked, eating Nutella. Not even embarrassed.”

“The best part of parenting is eating the leftovers on your kid’s plate because anything left is calorie-free.”

“Currently searching for my son’s chocolate I ate last night.”

Kid: “Mom, will you make me something to eat.” Mom: “Get it yourself.” Kid: “I’m not hungry.”

Mom: “Eat your vegetables. There are starving kids in Africa who have nothing to eat.”  Kid: “Can we mail them my broccoli?”

“Mommy, will you make scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast?” “Sure,” says mom. (Cooks big meal for child.) Child sits down and says, “I’m not hungry.”

“You have three choices for dinner: frozen, microwave, or take out.”

Related: How to Get a Picky Eater to Eat Everything

Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart book with a single tree on the cover

 Purchase your ebook or paperback on Amazon or at your favorite digital store. 

Funny Mom Quotes About Parenting

“I just dry shampoo’d, wet wiped, and Febreezed my kids as they ran out the door this morning. So, no, I don’t care about your positive parenting schedule.”

“Teen Boys: Less drama than girls, hard to keep alive. Teen Girls: All drama, hard to keep mom alive.”

“The fastest land animal is a toddler with something in his mouth.”

“I love the parents who are teaching their child French while I am trying to get mine to stop spitting on the coffee table.”‘

“How in the world do you discipline the “you’ out of your child?”

“Talk to a rock. You are now officially certified to parent teenagers.”

“I just yelled, ‘Stop yelling!’ at my teenager. Is that bad?”

“Don’t yell at your kids. Lean in and whisper. It is much scarier.”

“You never realize how weird you are until you have a kid that acts just like you.”

“Check on your friends with strong-willed children. They are probably all in counseling.”

“Take a breath and count to ten. Bust out a dance move at eight. No one expects that.”

“If you don’t know about ‘Baby Shark’ or ‘Let it Go,’ you need to turn in your parent card. You’ve been voted off the island.”

“The most difficult thing about being a parent–the kids.”

Related: 25 Things You Must Do to be a Good Parent

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Mom in the background with a pot on her head and her hands in the air. Close up of a child looking shocked.

Funny Mom Quotes About Mom Life

“My nickname is mom. My full name is mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mommmmeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

“Being a mom means kids banging on the bathroom door begging for a snack while dad is in the kitchen…eating a snack.”

“If I ever go missing, follow my kids. They can find me no matter where I hide.”

“Is it possible my kids have a buzzer that alerts them when I sit on the couch?”

“You is tired, you is out of coffee, and you is crazy.”

“I used to be cool. Now I just talk about poop most of the time.”

“Million-dollar beauty product: face cream called ‘Before Kids.'”

“I’m a really great mom until my kids get up in the morning.”

“Having kids is just like college. You’re up all night, there is lots of puking, and you’re perpetually broke.”

“Pajama day is the single best holiday on the planet.”

“I am convinced the socks and pencils that go missing turn into Tupperware lids overnight while everyone is sleeping.”

Related: Are You the Hot Mess Mom?

Parenting Life

Let’s face it. Parenting life is hard. Not just a little, a lot! There are going to be days that feel like a big fail. That’s when you need to look at the big picture and see, overall, how far your child has come.

Most of all, don’t forget to laugh. Enjoy all the cute moments. I am convinced that is what keeps our kids from being snatched bald-headed by the time they graduate!

Related: When You Feel Like You Have Failed as a Parent

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Book on Family Estrangement from a Biblical Point of View

Are you experiencing family problems? Perhaps you and a loved one are no longer speaking. Don’t go another day without reading this book. It addresses family problems and estrangement from a biblical point of view. Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart is on Amazon or in your favorite digital store. 

Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart book with a single tree on the book

Get Creating Family Memories for FREE in exchange for your email. If you get this book, it will help you build a good relationship with your kids so that when the hard times come (teen years), you will be able to weather the storm.

Scroll down or look to the side to sign up. You can also get it at your favorite bookstore.

Facebook Group

Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the group Christian Family Living. This is a place for Christian women to share their experiences and get helpful tools to navigate the Christian life. We love to laugh, cry, and encourage each other to live out our faith one day at a time.

Check Out Pinterest

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Julie Plagens

13 Comments

  1. Tara Adams on November 5, 2019 at 10:10 am

    These were hilarious! As a mom of two boys this was one of my favorite, “Teen Boys: Less drama than girls, hard to keep alive. Teen Girls: All drama, hard to keep mom alive.” So funny. My oldest is only 20 months old and I feel like every day is an adventure of him doing something dangerous.

    • Julie Plagens on November 18, 2019 at 11:42 am

      I have a son too. I remember one day he decided to “weld the wall” with one of his toys. He had seen his dad welding so he wanted to be like him. That was pretty funny. I think every mom can identify with these mom quotes in one way or another. Thanks for your comment.

  2. DONNA MILLER on November 5, 2019 at 7:21 am

    This is hilarious Julie. Love your sense of humor. Brought back many memories for me, lol … ❤

    • Julie Plagens on November 18, 2019 at 11:44 am

      Thanks, Donna. I love mom quotes. They make me realize I am not the only one who struggles to live day to day as a mom. So days I don’t know if I am going to survive!

  3. Beth on August 28, 2019 at 11:47 am

    These brought back so many memories! Parenting is wonderful, but it is also really exhausting and worrisome. Humor always helps!

    • Julie Plagens on August 29, 2019 at 9:53 am

      I’ll say. I had no idea how hard it would be when I started this journey. I’m so glad I did it, but it is painful some days! Those are the days you need to just laugh.

  4. Gina Abernathy/ homeatcedarspringsfarm.com on August 27, 2019 at 8:30 am

    “Don’t yell at your kids. Lean in and whisper. It is much scarier.” I love this quote and it is so true! 🙂

  5. Disha Smith on August 27, 2019 at 7:01 am

    I don’t have kids yet, but these made me laugh. These are hilarious. My favorite is “Bedtime is the leading cause of dehydration in children.” LOL.

  6. jalisa harris on August 26, 2019 at 10:28 pm

    Love these all. We’ve said a similar starving kids one and my son always has something to say back lol

  7. Patricia @ Grab a Plate on August 26, 2019 at 9:53 pm

    So funny! Speaking from experience, eh?! 🙂 I love, “I just yelled at my teenager to stop yelling!”

    • Sarah on August 27, 2019 at 3:02 am

      Some of these are brilliant, I love the monsters in the bedroom one

  8. Holly on August 26, 2019 at 9:03 pm

    Oh my gosh- these are great! The fact that so many of them are true to my life right now make them even funnier 😀

  9. Deborah Hunter Kells on August 26, 2019 at 7:50 am

    Hahaha – Made me laugh…how true. Shared the one about the teen and talking to a rock – to my sister who just now has a new “teen” I’m wishing her “safe” times – but it’s rather like being in a boat and it gets rocky there for awhile!

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