Looking for some funny mom quotes and sayings? Here’s a list of hilarious mom quotes that will make you laugh out loud and brighten your day. You are not alone, mamma. There are many who have gone before you and feel much like you do today.

So put your kids to bed early (or hide in the bathroom for ten minutes) and check out these funny mom quotes and sayings. Read how other mothers feel about bedtime, food, parenting, and mom life. Don’t let parenting rob you of your humor. Some days you just gotta laugh!

Funny Mom Quotes and Sayings For Every Area of Your Life

Check out these funny mom quotes and sayings…especially if you’re having a bad mom day. I bet you’ll laugh out loud by the time you finish reading them!

Funny Mom Quotes and Sayings About Sleeping/Bedtime:

“I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.”


“Bedtime is the leading cause of dehydration in children.”


“I slept in until 7:30 am this morning. The sink is clogged, the dog has a purple stripe down his back, and the chocolate cake is gone. So worth it.”


Kid: “Mommy, can I sleep with you? I’m scared.”

Mommy: “No, I don’t want the monster following you into my bedroom and keeping me up all night.”


“You’d think after 2, 524 bedtimes, my kids would have this down.”


“‘It’s Saturday morning. I think I will get up at 5:30 am and make sure everyone hears me play my toys,’ says every toddler.”

RELATED: How to Create a Family Schedule and Keep Your Sanity

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Funny Mom Quotes and Sayings About Food:

“Hiding in the bathroom with the door locked, eating Nutella. Not even embarrassed.”

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“The best part of parenting is eating the leftovers on your kid’s plate because anything left is calorie-free.”


“Currently searching for my son’s chocolate I ate last night.”


Kid: “Mom, will you make me something to eat.”

Mom: “Get it yourself.” Kid: “I’m not hungry.”


Mom: “Eat your vegetables. There are starving kids in Africa who have nothing to eat.”

Kid: “Can we mail them my broccoli?”


“Mommy, will you make scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast?” “Sure,” says mom. (Cooks big meal for child.)

Child sits down and says, “I’m not hungry.”


“You have three choices for dinner: frozen, microwave, or take out.”

RELATED: How to Deal with Picky Eaters: 3 Easy Tips That Really Work

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Good Mom Quotes and Sayings About Parenting:

“I just dry shampoo’d, wet wiped, and Febreezed my kids as they ran out the door this morning. So, no, I don’t care about your positive parenting schedule.”


“Teen Boys: Less drama than girls, hard to keep alive.

Teen Girls: All drama, hard to keep mom alive.”


“The fastest land animal is a toddler with something in his mouth.”


“I love the parents who are teaching their child French while I am trying to get mine to stop spitting on the coffee table.”‘


“How in the world do you discipline the “you’ out of your child?”


“Talk to a rock. You are now officially certified to parent teenagers.”


“I just yelled, ‘Stop yelling!’ at my teenager. Is that bad?”


“Don’t yell at your kids. Lean in and whisper. It is much scarier.”


“You never realize how weird you are until you have a kid that acts just like you.”


“Check on your friends with strong-willed children. They are probably all in counseling.”

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“Take a breath and count to ten. Bust out a dance move at eight. No one expects that.”


“If you don’t know about ‘Baby Shark’ or ‘Let it Go,’ you need to turn in your parent card. You’ve been voted off the island.”


“The most difficult thing about being a parent–the kids.”

RELATED: Facts About Parenting: 3 Insider Secrets You Need to Know

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What Are Some Funny Mom Sayings?

“My nickname is mom. My full name is mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mommmmeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”


“Being a mom means kids banging on the bathroom door begging for a snack while dad is in the kitchen…eating a snack.”


“If I ever go missing, follow my kids. They can find me no matter where I hide.”


“Is it possible my kids have a buzzer that alerts them when I sit on the couch?”


“You is tired, you is out of coffee, and you is crazy.”


“I used to be cool. Now I just talk about poop most of the time.”


“Million-dollar beauty product: face cream called ‘Before Kids.'”


“I’m a really great mom until my kids get up in the morning.”


“Having kids is just like college. You’re up all night, there is lots of puking, and you’re perpetually broke.”


“Pajama day is the single best holiday on the planet.”


“I am convinced the socks and pencils that go missing turn into Tupperware lids overnight while everyone is sleeping.”

RELATED: 50 Easy School Readiness Skills To Teach at Home [Printable Checklist]

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Funny mom quotes and sayings

Parenting Life

Let’s face it…parenting life is hard. Not just a little, a lot! There are going to be days that feel like a big fail. That’s when you need to look at the big picture and see, overall, how far your child has come.

See also  5 Reasons to Forgive Those Who Hurt You (Even If They Don't Deserve It)

Most of all, don’t forget to laugh and enjoy these funny mom quotes and sayings. Enjoy all the cute moments. I am convinced that is what keeps our kids from being snatched bald-headed by the time they graduate!

What funny mom quotes and sayings have your kids said to you? Comment below. 


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Got Family Problems? There is Help and Hope!

Are you experiencing family problems or have a family estrangement? Do you feel shame, anger, or rejection? Check out my book Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart on Amazon or at your favorite digital store. 

This book not only talks about my seven-year estrangement (and reconciliation) from my Christian family but also gives solid tips to help you with your family problems. Break free from your pain. Allow God to heal you no matter what has happened in your family of origin. There is hope when your family falls apart.

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Creating Family Memories Book

Get Creating Family Memories. This book will help you manage your family in a way that allows more time to be intentional with your kids.  It includes a schedule too. You can get it at your favorite bookstore.

Join the group Christian Family Living on Facebook

Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the group Christian Family Living. This is a place for Christian women to freely talk about parenting, marriage, faith, family, and culture. Being a Christian is hard! Let’s do it together. Most of all, a sense of humor is required. Got memes? Bring it on!

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There are tips on building a Christian home, parenting, marriage, family issues, and faith. Learn how to get back to the things that matter most in your life and the life of your family. It’s time for a revival!


Julie is a wife, mom, author, and blogger. She writes about Christian family living, marriage, and faith with a touch of humor.


  1. So much truth in so many short quips.

    And if anyone figures out what happens to the pencils, please let me know. I miss mine. 😀

    • Kathryn, they are all in the same place. The same place as the Tupperware lids and socks! I am glad you enjoyed the hilarious mom quotes. They remind us that we are all human and have crazy days.

  2. These were hilarious! As a mom of two boys this was one of my favorite, “Teen Boys: Less drama than girls, hard to keep alive. Teen Girls: All drama, hard to keep mom alive.” So funny. My oldest is only 20 months old and I feel like every day is an adventure of him doing something dangerous.

    • I have a son too. I remember one day he decided to “weld the wall” with one of his toys. He had seen his dad welding so he wanted to be like him. That was pretty funny. I think every mom can identify with these mom quotes in one way or another. Thanks for your comment.

    • Thanks, Donna. I love mom quotes. They make me realize I am not the only one who struggles to live day to day as a mom. So days I don’t know if I am going to survive!

  3. These brought back so many memories! Parenting is wonderful, but it is also really exhausting and worrisome. Humor always helps!

    • I’ll say. I had no idea how hard it would be when I started this journey. I’m so glad I did it, but it is painful some days! Those are the days you need to just laugh.

  4. I don’t have kids yet, but these made me laugh. These are hilarious. My favorite is “Bedtime is the leading cause of dehydration in children.” LOL.

  5. jalisa harris Reply

    Love these all. We’ve said a similar starving kids one and my son always has something to say back lol

  6. Oh my gosh- these are great! The fact that so many of them are true to my life right now make them even funnier 😀

  7. Hahaha – Made me laugh…how true. Shared the one about the teen and talking to a rock – to my sister who just now has a new “teen” I’m wishing her “safe” times – but it’s rather like being in a boat and it gets rocky there for awhile!

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