Looking for some funny mom quotes and sayings? Here’s a list of hilarious mom quotes that will make you laugh out loud and brighten your day. You are not alone, mamma. There are many who have gone before you and feel much like you do today.
So put your kids to bed early (or hide in the bathroom for ten minutes) and read how other mothers feel about bedtime, food, parenting, and mom life. Don’t let parenting rob you of your humor. Some days you just gotta laugh! Especially if you are trapped with them all day.
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Funny Mom Quotes and Sayings For Every Area of Your Life
Check out these funny mom quotes and sayings…especially if you’re having a bad mom day. I bet you’ll laugh out loud by the time you finish reading them!
Funny Mom Quotes and Sayings About Sleeping/Bedtime
“I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.”
“Bedtime is the leading cause of dehydration in children.”
“I slept in until 7:30 am this morning. The sink is clogged, the dog has a purple stripe down his back, and the chocolate cake is gone. So worth it.”
Kid: “Mommy, can I sleep with you? I’m scared.” Mommy: “No, I don’t want the monster following you into my bedroom and keeping me up all night.”
“You’d think after 2, 524 bedtimes, my kids would have this down.”
“It’s Saturday morning. I think I will get up at 5:30 am and make sure everyone hears me play my toys’ says every toddler.”
Funny Mom Quotes and Sayings About Food
“Hiding in the bathroom with the door locked, eating Nutella. Not even embarrassed.”
“The best part of parenting is eating the leftovers on your kid’s plate because anything left is calorie-free.”
“Currently searching for my son’s chocolate I ate last night.”
Kid: “Mom, will you make me something to eat.” Mom: “Get it yourself.” Kid: “I’m not hungry.”
Mom: “Eat your vegetables. There are starving kids in Africa who have nothing to eat.” Kid: “Can we mail them my broccoli?”
“Mommy, will you make scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast?” “Sure,” says mom. (Cooks big meal for child.) Child sits down and says, “I’m not hungry.”
“You have three choices for dinner: frozen, microwave, or take out.”
Good Mom Quotes and Sayings About Parenting
“I just dry shampoo’d, wet wiped, and Febreezed my kids as they ran out the door this morning. So, no, I don’t care about your positive parenting schedule.”
“Teen Boys: Less drama than girls, hard to keep alive. Teen Girls: All drama, hard to keep mom alive.”
“The fastest land animal is a toddler with something in his mouth.”
“I love the parents who are teaching their child French while I am trying to get mine to stop spitting on the coffee table.”‘
“How in the world do you discipline the “you’ out of your child?”
“Talk to a rock. You are now officially certified to parent teenagers.”
“I just yelled, ‘Stop yelling!’ at my teenager. Is that bad?”
“Don’t yell at your kids. Lean in and whisper. It is much scarier.”
“You never realize how weird you are until you have a kid that acts just like you.”
“Check on your friends with strong-willed children. They are probably all in counseling.”
“Take a breath and count to ten. Bust out a dance move at eight. No one expects that.”
“If you don’t know about ‘Baby Shark’ or ‘Let it Go,’ you need to turn in your parent card. You’ve been voted off the island.”
“The most difficult thing about being a parent–the kids.”
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Funny Mom Quotes and Sayings About Mom Life
“My nickname is mom. My full name is mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mommmmeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”
“Being a mom means kids banging on the bathroom door begging for a snack while dad is in the kitchen…eating a snack.”
“If I ever go missing, follow my kids. They can find me no matter where I hide.”
“Is it possible my kids have a buzzer that alerts them when I sit on the couch?”
“You is tired, you is out of coffee, and you is crazy.”
“I used to be cool. Now I just talk about poop most of the time.”
“Million-dollar beauty product: face cream called ‘Before Kids.'”
“I’m a really great mom until my kids get up in the morning.”
“Having kids is just like college. You’re up all night, there is lots of puking, and you’re perpetually broke.”
“Pajama day is the single best holiday on the planet.”
“I am convinced the socks and pencils that go missing turn into Tupperware lids overnight while everyone is sleeping.”
Let’s face it…parenting life is hard. Not just a little, a lot! There are going to be days that feel like a big fail. That’s when you need to look at the big picture and see, overall, how far your child has come.
Most of all, don’t forget to laugh and enjoy these funny mom quotes and sayings. Enjoy all the cute moments. I am convinced that is what keeps our kids from being snatched bald-headed by the time they graduate!
*Do you want more funny mom quotes and sayings? Check out Alice at Mommy to Mom and read some of her kid’s hilarious quotes. 33 Strange And Hilarious Husband And Kid Quotes
Do You Have Family Problems? There is Help and Hope!
Are you experiencing family problems or even estranged? Are you feeling shame, anger, or rejection? Check out my book Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart on Amazon or at your favorite digital store.
This book not only talks about my seven-year estrangement from my Christian family, but it also gives solid tips to help you with your own family problems. Break free from your pain. Allow God to heal you no matter what has happened in your family of origin. There is hope when your family falls apart.
Creating Family Memories Book
Get Creating Family Memories. This book will help you manage your family in a way that allows more time to be intentional with your kids. It includes a schedule too. You can get it at your favorite bookstore.
Join Christian Family Living Facebook Group
Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the group Christian Family Living. This is a place for Christian women to share their experiences and get helpful tools to navigate the Christian life. We love to laugh, cry, and encourage each other to live out our faith one day at a time.