Do you want to know how to move on from family estrangement? I understand all too well the pain and isolation you are feeling.
Many of you are hurting deeply because of something a family member did to you, and you think it will never be the same.
Sadly, you hardly talk anymore, and perhaps you are even estranged. When this happens, no one wins.
I am one of many adult children who chose to break off the relationship with not only my parents but my whole family. My husband, children, and I became estranged.
After seven years apart, God intervened miraculously and brought us back together.
Looking from the outside, you would never think this would happen to my family or me. We were the model family—a prominent, well-known Christian family in Dallas, Texas, with deep roots in the restaurant business, real estate, and then ministry.
Yes, Christian ministry. (My dad was the associate pastor of two megachurches in Dallas, TX. At one time, my mom was the pastor’s secretary.) Family estrangement can happen to anyone, even people of faith.
The good news is that you don’t have to stay stuck. You can move out of your pain and heal your heart.
If you want to know how to move on from family estrangement, let’s first look at some of the facts surrounding it.
RELATED: Check out this post in Woman’s World magazine by Kristina Mastrocola called “ 6 Ways to Mend a Family Rift and Find Connection, Love, and Harmony.” It features my book, plus a few comments about family estrangement!
How Common Is Estrangement?
You might be wondering how common family estrangement is. It’s more common than you think, yet no one talks about it. Psychology Today says that one in four people are estranged from a family member now.
There is so much shame and embarrassment because we know better. No one sets out to divorce their family, especially if you are a person of faith.
I’ll let you in on a secret. I became estranged because there are no perfect families, and there certainly are no perfect Christians. Oddly enough, when I started talking to others, I found many other people had family problems just like me.
I wasn’t alone after all.
I had felt so alone for many years. I kept telling myself no one else understood and that I wasn’t even a Christian because I couldn’t get along with my parents. Furthermore, I kept thinking I might go to hell because we were estranged.
I was caught in a web of lies.
God loves you, no matter where you are in the process as an estranged parent or an adult child. And let me tell you, you are not alone by a long shot.
There is hope. You can learn how to move on from family estrangement, even if it seems hopeless.
RELATED: How to Deal with Difficult Family Members and Overcome Hurt
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What Causes Family Estrangement?
There are many reasons families grow apart. Before you can learn how to move on from family estrangement, let’s discuss what is happening in your family:
1. Addiction
Both adult children or parents can get caught in the terrible trap of addiction. Sadly, it is ripping our families apart. Alcohol, drugs, and sexual dysfunction seem to be just some of the culprits.
When your loved one is more interested in medicating pain, it is hard to have a meaningful relationship.
It controls who a person is and how he behaves. It is tough to confront a family member who is abusing a substance without causing a strain in the relationship.
Yet, not saying anything is not good either. It feels like a no-win situation until real change happens.
It’s hard to know how to move on from family estrangement if there is an addict in the family.
2. Mental Illness
Mental illness or personality disorder is another common factor in broken family relationships. Families don’t know how to help their loved ones since they are adults.
We often sweep the bad behavior under the rug and just excuse it as part of their personality.
Meanwhile, everyone tip-toes around, hoping not to trigger a tantrum until they get tired of it. They decide to walk away because it is easier than continuing to appease, apologize, and jump through more hoops.
Perhaps on a smaller level, you fester, ruminate, and continue to obsess on your estrangement. This, too, is a mental battle that can cause horrible ramifications like anxiety, depression, health issues, and even suicidal thoughts. ( I almost lost my colon because I ruminated and festered.)
Mental oppression or illness will keep you from knowing how to move on from family estrangement.
3. Abuse
Abuse can come in many shapes and forms. Each type of abuse –physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, and sexual–is painful and not to be ignored. In many cases, the abuser will deny any bad behavior and blame the victim. It can make a person feel crazy.
Other times, an abuser will admit guilt but refuse to move toward change. Moreover, sometimes change is promised only to conveniently “forget” and then keep repeating the abuse. Sadly, there is a vicious cycle of apologies and then more abuse.
Abuse is a broad path with many avenues. All forms have to stop.
4. Control
Parents often use money or help to keep their adult children within their sphere. It is a way to control them and maintain a foothold in their lives. This becomes even more complicated when there is a family business. When money is involved, people tend to act differently.
In the Bible, Abraham and Lot had money issues because their flocks were together. Eventually, they had to separate to keep their relationships intact.
Abraham realized that relationships were more important than money. That is a good lesson to remember if you want to know how to move on from family estrangement.
If you are confused about your estrangement, I suggest starting with the control issue. This article explains how control manifests in tricky ways.
5. Holiday Stress
Young parents are often pushed and pulled to appear at everyone’s house during the holidays. This causes incredible stress, especially for little kids who miss nap times and are overstimulated with travel, people, and food.
Over the years, the parents have been afraid to speak up to their extended family and tell them they are miserable.
Moreover, they want to stay home, enjoy their family, and rest. Unfortunately, they are scared to talk to their extended family and tell them the truth.
Then, a situation blows up one day, and the young couple is done. Instead of working out a reasonable schedule, they decide not to return. Be flexible if you want to know how to move on from a family estrangement.
RELATED: Estranged From Family at the Holidays: 7 Tips When You Feel Alone
6. Parental Alienation
Parental alienation is when a child is forced to break a relationship with another family member due to the adults not getting along.
In my family, it happened when my grandfather disowned my dad. Therefore, I automatically became estranged from my grandparents.
Unfortunately, kids are forced to take sides, sometimes for life, even though they have nothing to do with the relationship breakdown. It is hard to know how to move on from family estrangement when forced to leave against your will.
7. Sexual Choices
There are many stories of families who split because the adult child has chosen a life of sexual immorality, whether it is sex outside of marriage with the opposite sex or an alternate lifestyle.
In all my research, I have never read a story where estrangement brought an adult child back to a heart of repentance.
If you have rejected or even disowned your adult child because you think this is going to change him, I ask you to reconsider.
You can not control a person and expect him to feel loved or want to return to you when your love is conditional.
You can hate the sin and still love the sinner. You may have to set firm boundaries. This is how to move on from family estrangement.
RELATED: How to Set Boundaries with Family Members the Right Way
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How Do You Move On From Family Estrangement?
If what you are doing is working, then, by all means, keep doing it. But here are some estrangement solutions you may not have thought about trying. These tips are for either the estranged adult child or the parent. It works for both parties.
1. Pray
You may not see results right away, but prayer works.
God showed me what I needed to do to overcome my anger and bitterness. Yep, it was hard at first, but it did the trick over time. Prayer is how I reconciled with my parents and the whole family.
Whether you have an estranged adult child or you are the parent, I suggest you pray for blessings and healing over those who have hurt you. If you are struggling with getting into this mindset, I suggest listening to worship music first.
It will help soften your heart and refocus on God instead of the person who hurt you.
Prayer is how to move on from family estrangement and get healing. You will see a heart change and less anxiety and depression, which will help you function better.
RELATED: 7 Powerful Ways to Increase Your War Room Prayer Strategy
2. Fast
If you want to speed up things, then fast. The sooner you realize that family estrangement is a spiritual battle, the better.
I fasted and prayed on Tuesday and Wednesday, and my dad called two days later, on Friday. He had no idea I had fasted. It was miraculous.
After seven years, God moved, and my prayer was answered. I prayed for God to talk to my dad in a dream, and He DID! Here’s my story.
I can’t say what will happen to you, but fasting breaks generational strongholds that may not otherwise be broken.
If you want to know how to move on from family estrangement, fast.
Read this powerful article on how fasting applies more pressure to the spiritual realm.
Isaiah 58:6 – “Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?
3. Work On Yourself
First, realize you can’t change anyone but yourself. But when you change, it forces those around you to change how they do things.
I know, you probably believe the other party is at fault, not you. I ask you to examine your heart. Do you harbor unforgiveness, feel hate, or bitter? Do you struggle to pray for the person who hurt you?
Are you retaliating? Do you control, manipulate, have tantrums, or use guilt trips to get your way? Are you struggling with an addiction? Do you need to mend things with your ex for the sake of the kids?
Have you threatened or used disowning to force a behavior or control an outcome? Do you find other ways to strike back, like sending messages to your family members through others? (Reexamine the list above to see what part you play in this estrangement.)
Then, there are things you can do to move on from family estrangement.
Sweeping your side of the street is good for preventing further estrangements. In my family, two out of three adult children walked away, which is common.
This is how to move on from family estrangement.
RELATED: Helpful Tips For Estranged Parents Who Want Their Family Back
4. Forgive
Your part may be nothing more than to forgive. Don’t discount this step. It is everything. There will never be real healing without forgiveness. I had to work on this the most while I was away.
It doesn’t matter how bad your situation is; it can be forgiven. That doesn’t mean you have to go back and reconcile if it is toxic and unsafe. ( There is a big difference between toxic and difficult relationships.)
Forgiveness is how to move on from family estrangement. It takes only you to do it. Forgiveness is not earned, nor is it deserved.
Unfortunately, most people don’t realize that they put themselves in prison when they don’t forgive. It is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiveness is for you and your relationship with God.
June Hunt says this is how to move on from family estrangement by doing these things:
- Release the right to hear “I’m sorry” for the offense.
- Release the right to dwell on the offense
- Release the right to hold onto the offense.
- Release the right to keep bringing up the offense.
- My addition: pray and fast for those who have hurt you
RELATED: Supercharge Your Life When You Forgive Those Who Hurt You
5. Get Help
If you can’t work through the issues and completely forgive, you may need someone to help you learn how to move on from family estrangement.
Find a counselor, a pastor, or someone qualified to help you process your situation. Some churches even offer support groups.
If you stay stuck, you poison yourself. Be courageous and leave your comfort zone to deal with your pain and perhaps reconsider reconciling.
Staying away has real consequences. See the post below and read what happened to me when I let my family estrangement last too long; I paid a very high price for walking away.
RELATED: Why You Need to Reconsider a Family Estrangement
How Do You Heal Family Estrangement?
An estrangement is like a divorce. It is not God’s best plan for the family, but it happens.
If you want to know how to fix an estrangement or heal a family rift, check out this video with Dr. John Townsend, the co-author of Boundaries. These powerful tips will teach you what to say to an estranged family member.
Dr. John Townsend is a New York Times bestselling author, leadership consultant, psychologist, and relationship expert. He has written 35 books, selling 10 million copies, including the bestselling Boundaries series.
This is part two: Healing Parent and Adult Relationships Part 2
While these tips are wonderful, they do not guarantee that your estranged child will return. Both sides must come together and be willing to make peace.
If you can’t watch the video now, here is an overview showing how to fix an estrangement:
1. Communicate with the estranged adult child by text, phone, email, or whatever has worked in the past. Tell him your relationship isn’t where you want it to be. You want to make things right. Ask for a meeting. You want to hear the hurts you caused entirely.
There will be no interruptions, explanations, or defense—only questions to explain the hurt further. You want to hear and understand all the feelings.
2. Before you meet, pray. Ask God to allow you to listen, not react, and explain. Approach your family member in a spirit of humility, love, and honor.
3. At the meeting, write down every offense your family member has against you. Ask for details if needed.
4. Go home. Think and pray about all your family members have shared with you. (This is one of the best steps when learning how to fix a family estrangement.)
5. If agreed upon, meet a second time. This meeting is about making amends where you feel you failed. Specifically, name what you did, own it, and apologize.
Tell how you are going to change and stay changed and what you have already done in the past to change. This is not the time to explain, defend, point fingers, or lose your temper!
6. Humbly ask for another chance to have a relationship. (This is how to fix an estranged relationship!)
7. If this request is granted, do your part to change. Keep the boundaries you both set in place. There will be a day for you to explain your part, but it is not now. Once trust is established, you may be able to have a deeper conversation.
Listen to the full interview with Dr. Townsend and Jim Daly (Focus on the Family) on how to fix a broken relationship.
If you have questions, the video gives greater detail. Here is the link to part two.
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Reconnecting With Family After Years of Estrangement
More than anything, I pray for you to reconnect with your family. With God’s grace, you can return even years later.
My estrangement lasted seven years. It was a long time, but God was working through it all. Now that I look back, I can see His hand.
At the time, it seemed like nothing was happening. But God was definitely working on both sides. Check out my book for the complete story. It’s incredible how God moved!
I hope my story will help you with how to move on from family estrangement. With God’s help, you can recover from a broken relationship. Just be willing to follow what He wants you to do.
Do you have tips on how to move on from family estrangement? Comment below.
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Got Family Problems? There is Help and Hope!
Are you struggling with family issues that have resulted in a family rift or a family estrangement? Are you feeling a sense of shame, anger, or rejection? Check out my book Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart on Amazon or at your favorite digital store.
In it, I share my own experience of a seven-year estrangement from my Christian family and how we eventually reconciled. Furthermore, I provide practical advice to help you navigate your family issues. Don’t let the pain of estrangement hold you back.
Allow God to assist you in healing, no matter what has happened within your family. Remember, there is always hope to be found, even when things seem to be falling apart.
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56 Comments
I just read your book. I’m curious to know if your parents tried to contact you through the 7 yrs? Did they send cards, try to call, try to communicate, try to reconcile? Or was it just silence on both ends–yours and theirs? What did you tell your children about why you left the family? Did they want to continue seeing their grandparents? Did your husband every encourage you to try to reconcile? Do you carry guilt or shame as result of the estrangement? In hindsight, do you feel that you & your parents had played equal parts which led to your estrangement? In your book, you state your parents expected you to dog sit, help put up their x mas decor, get to know their friends etc. That doesn’t sound to me like any of the reasons for estrangement that you listed in your book? In hindsight, could these things have been worked out, avoiding a 7 yr rift? Did your sister leave for the same reasons you did? My own family is in the midst of this, so I’d love to hear your answers to these questions. Thanks for writing the book!
My parents contacted me a few times throughout our estrangement. It came in the form of cards and checks. They tried hard to leave us alone, but something came to us every once in a while. Also, I visited my dad in the hospital when he had a heart attack 3 1/2 years in. I wasn’t sure if he was going to live. I wanted closure. For the most part, there was silence. I had an enormous amount of guilt and shame about our estrangement. I just didn’t have the right tools at the time to set good boundaries and follow through with it. Nor did I have a healthy thought life or self-control to keep from falling into self-pity. I believed lie after lie about myself. I don’t think you can assign percentages on who was more to blame. We each played a part. If you look in my book, you will see there are 9 things that can play into an estrangement. Most of those things were operating in the relationship with my parents. I do not give the reasons why we broke off our relationship because it’s not important. It’s all forgiven now. I will say that my counselor said my family was one of the most dysfunctional he’d seen in his 25 years of counseling. There were generational strongholds that had been passed down from my Italian grandparents who had nefarious connections. At the time, I don’t know what I could have done differently. I needed to peace to heal my colon. I needed time to forgive and heal. To change my thinking. I wish we never split though. The ramifications have been horrific. I felt trapped. I did the best I could do. Count the cost before you walk away. I suggest reading Gary Thomas’ book When to Walk Away before you make a final decision. My sister and I left for a lot of the same reasons, but each of us had our own hurts and issues. I hope this answers some of your questions. I would suggest doing all the things in my book: pray, fast, work on yourself, worship, journal, volunteer, go to a counselor. and definitely read Gary’s book! I pray your family can work through your issues. Take care.
I am experiencing estrangement from my dad’s brother, my uncle and his wife (my aunt who has been a long time alcoholic). As soon as my parents passed away, this aunt pummeled me with unprovoked comments about long ago family events. This aunt recalls stories in a version of what she claims happened mixed in with what did not happen. She seems very coherent when she tells her version of the family events. Others in my family know the aunt “drinks”. My uncle and aunt are in their late 80s with no children. Aunt does not talk to her own 4 siblings and has 1 niece living very far away out of state that this aunt hasn’t seen her in 10+ years but they talk daily by phone. Niece sends gallons of vodka to this aunt( yes I the gallon shipment boxes myself).
I’ve made several visits to my uncle and aunt home and after the visit the aunt call me and would criticize and dissect what I had said during the 45 minute visit.
I was to visit them on a Saturday and all was set and prior to me going I left a voicemail (aunt and uncle screen calls) that I would be there about 3:30pm arrival and then was left a voicemail by aunt “how about1:00pm?) I called and it went to voicemail and I left a message “ I have an appointment at 1:00pm Saturday and can’t make it.” I left my home for the scheduled appointment but when I came home a voicemail of screaming, ranting and vulgar language that “ your uncle thinks your lying .. you don’t have an appointment so just ——- it!”
I was both stunned and saddened.
3 weeks or so pass and this aunt leaves me a voicemail “ I love you!! “
I spoke about this in depth with a Dr who recommended I drop this incident and I agreed and have subsequently called their home and it went to voicemail. I did get to call recently and my uncle did talk to me a bit and I had talked about how I had passed him driving on the road and that he didn’t see me because he was in the turn. He said a few things about his grocery shopping and I felt his tone was very strained.
Oh let me say this, they received a letter of notice to cease and desist with quote noise coming from their condo or they would be asked to leave.
Amazingly they attend church every week without fail and I truly believe they do not get it .. attending church is not a way for others to think they are living the Word of God.
I would just like to have peace with this situation.
But I can’t keep getting negative reactions including verbal abuse to my reaching out. I am seeking medical attention and therapy to help and continue to pray.
My grown daughters blame me only for our divorce. They have not backed down and continue to be hurtful and have stopped me from seeing my grandchildren. I am so hurt by their cruelty that I don’t think I can survive. I can’t believe they have turned out this way. I don’t blame myself and I know why I left the marriage but they will never support or accept it. I will try to forgive but they have taken away the only thing I love!
Jody, my heart hurts so much for you. I know you are struggling to forgive everyone involved. I would totally recommend you get my book and work through it. There are questions at the end of each chapter to help you process what happened, and then a guide at the end on what you can do while you are waiting for God to move. You may feel powerless, but you are not. Realize that you can only control yourself, and how you react to their behavior. And then pray and fast, and leave the rest to God. Forgiveness is truly the superpower to helping you survive this huge blow. It sounds so counterintuitive but it is the only thing that really works.
Nobody can understand unless theyve walked in your shoes.
My relatives/family have so much mental illness, you need a program to know whos talking to who. My mother is the Queen Bee of it all. Critical, controlling.. narcissist. Many other members have that as well as other mood disorders. The division is so upsetting.
Im a christian and have had to distance for self preservation, although i tolerated and took abuse for years. Unfortunately, some of this is genetic and some are learned family dynamics.
Ive prayed for years and havent seen much change. I know its free Will but why doesnt God intervene. Im ready to walk away from my faith in such discouragement.
Please pray for healing for this family..
Thank you…
Hi Mia,
I am so sorry about your family. I totally understand your frustrations and hurts. Like you, I prayed for years for God to change the circumstances. It wasn’t until I both fasted and prayed that God did something. I totally recommend reading my full story so you can get some tips to help you. In the meantime, there are things you can do to move the situation. It involves only changing things in your realm. You can only change you, not them. Subsequently, when you change what you are doing, it forces others to change.
Most of all, I pray you will work on forgiveness. You can forgive and not be in a relationship. Forgiveness focuses on the offense. Reconciliation focuses on the relationship.
My prayers are with you. Take care.
Please don’t walk away from the faith you have. I am in your shoes right now too with the same issues. I have walked away from one member of the family and pushed away by the other. The reason I say hold onto faith is because I witnessed how bitterness turns against you and you need to be ok so at the moment hold on for you, while you are working through your feelings. I am really struggling with my situation but something within me is urging me to hold onto faith. I am not particularly religious either of what you would call a practising Christian but I feel grateful to believe there is something much bigger than me out there and by clinging on it will help me through.
Hi Mia,
I understand your frustrations with your family. I asked God some of the same questions. I had to separate myself from my family because the relationship was toxic. During that time I went to counseling and worked on myself. That is the only thing I could change–me. I learned how to change my thinking, set better boundaries, and heal internally from past wounds. Unforgiveness had a hold on me. What I learned is that by changing myself, it changed others. After 7 years, God led me back to my family. It took that long for all parties to heal. Sometimes it is not possible to be in a relationship with someone without sinning. In that case, I recommend time apart. Even if you don’t reconcile, you are commanded to forgive. God is in the business of miracles, but most of the time we have to do the work of changing our hearts. Start with you. There is nothing else you can change but how you behave. I pray God will help you find your way.
I have both sides to this story. I’m writing because yours has touched my heart with its sensitivity and wisdom. So many parents think that a child walks away for “no reason”. Absolutely not true. It takes all parties to have a relationship. I have a son, who walked from us at 19, got married and from the safety of being married, returned to us and we talked through his situation to heal and get on better terms than before. Last week, my mother who is 80 and lives 6000 miles away, had her last meltdown with me. As a Christian and a counselor, I know not to close the door on her but pray and hope for reconciliation. But, I’m thinking this. How can a parent who loves their child, ever be ok with just ending the relationship. It seems to me that you do everything possible to heal the relationship. Not just walk away in offense. My entire family of origin works from one of two states. Deep offense and anxiety, or outrage and anger. No-one will be upfront and transparent. The snipy comments, the passive aggressiveness, the accusations. None of this comes from love. Love is patient, kind, always protects. When I look at the love chapter in the bible, I see the opposite in my parents. Unfortunately, with dad being 90 and with Alzheimers, a wife who hates him but cannot cope, co-dependency on me, a hateful brother who abuses and controls, I am at my wits end with them all. None of this aligns with God’s ways. My husband and I confronted my mum, (I hate the word confronted – it sounds so aggressive). But there is a time for truth to be spoken and I had wanted to reach the ends of their lives in peace, it was not to be. I spent the last year making calls home and being hounded by my brother’s attacks, dispirited by my mother’s accusations and manipulations, threats and drama. When my husband spoke to her, she flat out denied it all and said I was the drama queen. Even in a knee jerk reaction, I am floored by the fact that she hasn’t come into address this and try and put things right. To at least say, “While I’m having trouble seeing this, I will consider it and get back to you”.
So, my heart is broken and I don’t have one relationship with any of the three of them. I pray each day and wait to see what God will do
Tracy, I can totally understand your pain. Things are said in anger, and then no one wants to go back and apologize for their bad behavior and change. At the end of the day, you can only be responsible for your own actions. If you have done everything in your power to make things right, then the rest is up to God.
I’m sure you know all this since you are a counselor. I think this added dimension must make it even more frustrating because counselors are supposed to know everything to do. Alas, you are only one person, even as a counselor.
It is sad that your parents are at the end of their lives and won’t try to get things right before they die. I’m sure your dad is too far gone, but your mom has time. I find it shocking that people can not put down their swords and just try to work together towards the same thing-peace.
I will say prayers for you and your family. Many blessings to you.
thank you so much – the support means everything to me. Jesus was not heard in his hometown. I’m not comparing myself to God, but sometimes I think being a counselor is received well by those outside of family. Family has instead chosen to persecute
Prayers for you and your family
Thanks. We have reconciled; it took seven years. During those years, I had to figure out how to move on from family estrangement so that I could be a productive member of my family, church, and community. It was hard, but God helped me. These 5 tips are what I did while waiting for God to move.
I am in a horrible situation as you, very similar, I don’t know why but you tugged at my heart, Pray for you.
God worked in my situation. We are now reconciled. While this doesn’t happen to everyone, you can still love from afar by forgiving. Forgiving doesn’t mean it was ok, it just means you are okay. It’s a way to make peace with your soul and not let it devour you. Unforgiveness is poison. I hope you can move on from your family estrangement and heal until God works a miracle in your situation.
The role of anger is so destructive.
My in-laws are estranged from my husband and me.
It’s difficult because they accuse me of stealing their son. As their wife, how does one do that?
They tell family members that “she won, we lost.”
But why do I need to apologize for the reality that my husband and I answer to each other and not to his parents?
Just because they feel betrayed and a deep loss doesn’t mean that I am guilty of wrongdoing!
Why do I have to apologize for my husband’s primary loyalty is to me (and vice versa!) and no longer to them?
Our marriage is about love but they see our marital union as competition and loss.
Am I supposed to apologize for having a happy and healthy marriage?
By the way, when my husband communicates these points, his parents accuse him of being spineless and brainwashed!
Sigh. Because we cherish our marriage and want to be able to schedule our own vacations and raise our children without criticism and meddling, his parents have cut him off.
Sometimes anger is part of a personality disorder and you have to give it up to God and pray!
My heart breaks when I read this. You are right to have your marriage as the first priority. When you say “I do” you become one. Such a biblical principle and so many parents feet threatened by this normal union.
In a healthy relationship, you can all make room for each other. So sad they drew a line in the sand and lost all contact because they couldn’t share. They are the biggest losers because they lost their son and any future grandchildren.
I hope you will pray for the situation daily as God can change hearts. Thank you for opening up and being vulnerable about this situation.
Very insightful read. I hope that your relationships with your family can mend over time. Being estranged is never something you can predict to happen as family dynamics continue to change as each individual changes.
xoxo
Annie
It is so much better. Thank you so much for your comment. Working things out is so much better than being estranged.
Today is when the relationship with my 23 year old daughter imploded and ended. I am 51 and she is my middle child and only daughter. I am heartbroken. I have apologized to her, but she will not accept it. She maintains that she has done nothing wrong and has nothing to apologize for. Basically she thinks we are mean to her because we are not giving her something she “deserves because she is our child and if we love her, we will do this” . She told me if I am heartbroken, it is my own fault.
My dad died two months ago, and his loss pained me greatly, but it pales in comparison to what I feel now at losing my daughter. I am faithful. My mom says to pray. My husband says God can bring good out of this. At this point I don’t see how.
You are right, anger is the root of all this and her pride, selfishness, and unforgiveness have brought us to this point. She has been this way her entire life. It is my belief she will never apologize. I can’t believe I raised a child that turned out like this.
My grief is great. I am already mourning for all I will never experience with her, things in her life we will not share. I have lost my dad, and now I have lost my daughter.
It can be so tough when families drift apart to reconcile after a long amount of time. I give you major kudos for making a relationship again.
Thanks and they are nice to let me write about it. Lots of grace. Thanks for reading.
What a very personal, and emotional post. I applaud you for having the courage to share all of this with your readers (and even your family, as they may see it). Wishing you and your family lots of love x
Thanks. Yes, my family has read it. They are very supportive of me talking about it because they know how difficult it is to find people who will share. Once you do get things worked out, it is hard to say anything public about the details for fear it could go awry again. My parents are giving me lots of latitude which I am quite grateful.
Wow. This was such a powerful read. I don’t know anyone personally who this has happened to but I loved your tips on what to do and how to handle it.
Thanks. I am truly grateful you don’t know anyone who has experienced this. Thanks for commenting.
I have a little brother who has written me out of the family. He doesn’t have God in his life and everything is always someone else fault. Including his wife and children. I keep in contact with my sister in law and the kids. I tried with my brother but to no avail.
That’s such a difficult situation. I am so sorry that has happened. All you can do at this point is pray for him. Hopefully, he will come back someday.
I think the key point is that there are no perfect families, this is so true. I’m glad you found your family again, it is a shame you lost so much time with them.
Yes, that is the sad part. 7 years is a long time.
Anger can truly hurt you physically and mentally. Its important to not build up anger, I am glad to have fought through all the arguments my parents. I just had to realize they wont be here forever.
I am so glad, too. It’s sad when things don’t get worked out.
It’s so easy to let anger get in the way of relationships. Glad your story has a happy ending!
Yes, anger seeps in like a slithery snake. One day it bites you.
This is so hard to read; I can’t imagine going through what you have. I’m happy you’ve managed to reconcile, and I hope you are a lot happier for it.
Thanks. God is still in charge. Maybe our pain will help others.
It is good you found a way to work through and reconnect with family, I hope it brings you love in the future. Thank you for sharing.
Sure!
I can totally relate to the situation that you were dealing with, Anger will tear you up and cause all kinds of health issues. We have to get over it and put it behind us in order to start forgiving.
So glad you know this!
I am so lucky to have such a strong family bond. We may not talk much, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love and support each other. And perhaps that’s the key to a STRONG family bond… Not encroaching on everyone’s Territory!
For sure!!
So strong of you to share such a big struggle! I cant imagine how hard it is for you and your family but it must be one of the toughest things…Big hugs!
Thanks!
Ah this is something I can relate to. I am estranged from my parents and it actually was the best decision I have ever made. Not something I would reconcile. I totally understand how hard it can be.
I’m so sorry. It’s such a difficult thing to navigate.
This hit very close to home. My father and I had been estranged for over a year after a big fight the last time I visited him in Europe. I just felt so suffocated by him and his ‘right way of doing things’ that I decided to cut off the relationship for 11 months. Let me tell you, I really needed the time away to just think about our relationship and stop being so angry at him all the time. Now we are back to talking and stronger than ever. Thank you for sharing your story!
I am so glad you were able to come back in the relationship. Kudos to you.
Julie u did a great job with your blog.i am proud of u. Keep up the go work. Dad
Thanks, Dad. I appreciate your support so much❤️
This topic hit home so it had me reading the comments. As I came to this one from your dad, my heart melted!! God is so good and the power of healing restoration is sure a beautiful thing!!
I am proud of you for sharing some of your struggle, as I know it must be difficult to put it all down in black and white. I can only imagine it was even harder for you (and all of your family) to live through. I am thanking our Heavenly Father that the estrangement is in the past.
Thanks. That means a lot. I’m grateful to have my family back!
I love what you wrote. We are estranged from parts of my husband’s family. People urge us to reconcile but the truth is they are very unsafe and cruel. We feel that God has us in a mode of separation. But boy, we do get a lot of condemnation for it.
I’m so sorry. I pray you can get through it with grace and love. No easy answers are there??