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Are you raising a teenage daughter who is difficult?
How about helping her to be like a graceful pillar in the Bible? I am sure you are wondering what in the world I mean by this. No, I have not gotten into the cooking wine.
This is a real question.
You may be wondering, “What is a graceful pillar?” Is it referring to fashion, modeling, or faith? You never know these days. Teen fashion is so weird.
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Raising a teenage daughter like a graceful pillar has to do with faith. Let me give you the verse I am talking about so you can understand a little better.
Psalm 144:12 says,” May our sons flourish in their youth like well-nurtured plants. May our daughters be like graceful pillars, carved to beautify a palace” (NLT).
In this post, I will dissect the second part of the verse that focuses on daughters. I will give you tips for raising a teenage daughter so she can stand as a graceful pillar fit for a palace when she is grown.
I probably wouldn’t go telling her that you want her to be a graceful pillar though. Let’s just keep that secret between you and me…
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Table of Contents
What Should I Do With My Teenage Daughter?
If you want to know what to do with your teenage daughter, I suggest you start with a blessing. You know–encouragement!
Psalms 144 “may be described as the prayer of a king for victory and blessing.” In the Bible, a verbal blessing was a big deal. Words had great power back then.
If you remember the story of Isaac and Jacob then you know Jacob was willing to deceive his father and usurp his brother to get the coveted blessing.
Men lived and died because of blessings and curses.
The fact that daughters were mentioned in the Bible as part of a blessing says it all. Your daughter adds a dimension to the family that is unique and special.
She is a blessing to those around her.
As a parent, it is important to speak a blessing over your daughter daily. What you say to her matters. She will play your words in her head over and over again.
The best tip for raising a teenage daughter is to keep encouraging her. Participate in her life.
Go to her plays, sporting events, and awards ceremonies. Catch her doing good things and praise her for it. Let her know what a blessing she is to you and your family.
Keep pointing her back to Jesus. Not to herself…
You may not know how to bless your daughter. Finding the right words can be difficult. For more help on blessings, Dr. Dobson has some good tips on how to bless your child.
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Raising a Daughter In a Sexualized World
Sadly, raising a teenage daughter in a sexualized world is difficult because the media, friends, and boys mostly focus on the outside rather than the inside. The truth is beauty is not about being “hot” or “sexy.
Psalms 144:12 talks about the kind of beauty that encompasses good character traits.
Studylight.org says, “The comparison [to a pillar] is a very beautiful one, having the idea of grace, symmetry, fair proportions: that on which the skill of the sculptor is most abundantly lavished.”
God lavishly sculpted your daughter with grace, symmetry, and fair proportions. She is a graceful pillar standing with just the right dimensions.
She was fearfully and wonderfully made. Your daughter was not an afterthought. God took His time to make her beautiful.
In this day and age, being known as beautiful can be offensive. Women don’t want to be treated as an object or only known for their beauty.
I agree with this.
But this scripture is not talking about something so one-dimensional.
If you have ever been to a museum or seen an ancient column, you don’t think “that is one ‘hot’ column or ‘sexy’ piece of artwork.” Beauty is much deeper than that.
Beautiful art is inspiring. It makes you want to do great things, to be a better person. It defines who we are as a society.
Most of all, when you look at a piece of art you realize you could never create that kind of masterpiece. It makes you appreciate the creator.
You start to wonder, “Who is the artist?” You want to know more about who designed such a great work. The goal for your daughter is to reflect the Creator.
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Raising Godly Teenage Daughters
As a mom, raising a teenage daughter to reflect the original artist, God, is not easy. It is important to help her see her beauty should point to God in every way, shape, and form. Not just on the outside but on the inside. Both dimensions are important.
If your daughter is dressing in a way that calls attention to herself sexually, she is missing the “awe factor.” She is missing the depth, balance, character, and light that is so beautiful from within.
This is not a reflection of the Artist. It is a reflection of herself.
Your goal as a mom is to get your daughter to call attention to the Creator, not the creation (her body). You want all of her beauty to show, not just the external. And it won’t if all the attention is on the wrong outer parts.
After all, she is a graceful pillar.
That doesn’t mean she can’t look fashionable or adorable. There is nothing wrong with being in style. The point is to not forget the whole package when raising a teenage daughter.
Mom, you have control over the money. Make sure your daughter buys clothes that you and your husband approve of her wearing. Furthermore, make sure you are setting a good example for her so that you raise a godly teenage daughter.
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Raising a Teenage Daughter
Psalms 144 refers to your daughter as the corner pillar. It is the most important pillar in the building. It is the one that helps hold up the structure. Everything goes back to that point for strength.
It has to withstand pressure. And it needs to be designed to stand the test of time. It is built to last centuries.
It is important to raise a strong daughter who will withstand pressure. Not just once or twice but consistently withstand pressure over time. This kind of character takes time to develop.
It is also important to point out that the pillars were beautiful in the palace (temple) which means it has had more cutting and polishing than a plain one. It takes a lot of time and energy to cut a piece of stone.
Stone is hard and stubborn. Oh, is it ever hard and stubborn! It is not malleable or teachable. Uh, sound familiar?
Stone has to be cut with a sharp object and then polished by rubbing. The artist has to know how to best cut the stone so it does not crack or break. It can’t have fissures either.
Your daughter is the same way.
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How Do You Deal With a Difficult Teenage Daughter?
Are you raising a teenage daughter that is difficult, then molding her into a graceful pillar is not going to be easy. Your job is to cut the stone (her) in a way that will not crack and break. It takes great skill and balance.
You have to understand the stone and its ridges. That means getting to know your teenager. Spend time together with her. Constantly reinforce your love with your actions. Talk about faith. Do devotionals as a family, worship together, and pray for her. I suggest fasting too.
Don’t forget to hang in there for the rubbing and polishing. Many parents give up at this point because they are so tired of reinforcing their values year after year.
Raising a teenage daughter that is difficult means not giving up. You need to stay in there until the end and finish the job.
Don’t let your daughter wear you down to the point that you compromise your core values. Know which battles to pick.
And, yes, there are going to be failures. This is when you need to love her the most. You are the graceful (corner) pillar of the family right now. Let her fall into your lap when she can’t stand on her own.
Here is a great video on how to survive a teenage daughter. It will help you know what are the core issues.
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How To Be a Godly Parent
If you are raising a teenage daughter, you need to look at yourself first. Are you a godly parent? She is looking to you as her example. Live a life of faith she can model. Your actions speak much louder than your words.
If you are not living in a way that reflects your faith, neither will your daughter. If you have books, TV shows, movies, or behaviors you don’t want her to watch or do, make sure you don’t do them either.
She knows who you are more than anyone else. She is watching you and may repeat your behaviors one day. I know, ouch!
In fact, more is caught than taught. Be the person you want your daughter to be.
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Encouragement for Raising a Teenage Daughter
I am so blessed to raise a strong daughter. She has been the light of my life. I’m sure you feel the same way about your daughter too. Getting through the teenage years is tough though.
They do outgrow the uh, stone-like (difficult) behavior eventually. Sorta. One day, you will see her determination more focused on goals instead of you. That may not be until college.
In the meantime, keep loving her. She is a work in progress just like you were at that age. If you will not lose heart, you will see her flourish and reflect the Corner Pillar and Great Artist, Jesus Christ.
Are you raising a teenage daughter who is difficult? What do you do? Comment below.
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This was a timely article, and wonderfully written. As a mom of 2 girls who are not yet teens, I am encouraged. Thank you for sharing this insight!
Hannah, I am so glad this post on how to raise a strong daughter has helped you. Parenting is a marathon. A longggg marathon. All the kinks aren’t worked out when they become adults. We still need to pray more than ever!
This is an awesome post! Will apply these tips in raising my daughter. Raising a child in the way of the Lord is a great blessing. Thanks for sharing this, so useful ❤
Olawunmi, raising a strong daughter takes a lot of prayer and creativity. Trying to reach one who needs lots of polishing is especially hard. Truthfully, we can all use some extra polishing.
Thank you for these great insights. I have two young adult girls and I totally relate. It is never easy but we certainly cant give up. Our strength is in the Lord. Our girls are to reflect their creator.
It is not easy to raise a strong daughter. I have had my share of bumps and bruises, but she is an amazing person. It has taken lots of prayer and faith to get to the other side.
This was such a great read! As an expecting mom, I find myself praying ALOT that I would be able to be a good mom in order to raise God-fearing, loving, and caring children. I’ll be bookmarking this and coming back to it often.
Melanie, congratulations! As a mom of two adult children, I can say that you have such a wonderful road ahead of you waiting. There will be lots of twists, turns, and bumps, but it is always mixed with love and kisses that make it all worth it. I pray you will raise a strong daughter or son to love Jesus all the days of their lives.
This! I don’t have any daughters, but I wish I would have had this kind of raising while growing up. To this day, I shudder when I replay scenes of my teen years. It is so important to be raising strong but yet graceful girls.
Lori, I am so sorry you had some difficult years as a teen. Don’t get me wrong, there were some bumpy years with my teen kids too. That is why I feel called to encourage other moms. Thankfully, both of my kids are following Jesus in their adult life. It was really more about praying for them often because otherwise, it would not have happened. Raising a strong daughter is not easy. But so worth it.
I love the imagery and interpretation of Scripture here. A great reminder and encouragement about what we should all aspire to be even if we don’t have daughters!
Connie, thanks for your comment. Scripture is the best way to find such parenting treasures. Raising a strong daughter is not easy, but God is the best reference to get help.
Faith is such a grounding thing for me. I can’t imagine living life without it to guide me. My daughter sees that in me, for sure. I am glad to have that influence for her.
That is so great. Keep it up!
Such a nice post. I don’t have a teen yet but this is such a great advice in raising a teenagers girls I will share this with my sister as she has a teen daughter.
I hope she can use the information. Thanks for your comment.
An interesting and important topic. I remember my mom followed all of these rules, even when I was being a bit stubborn… (aka swimsuit shopping). Now, I am grateful she did what she did.
Oh, my. I had a few of these issues with my daughter when we went swimsuit shopping. We both left crying. Ugh. All is well now that she is older!
We have to be good to our daughters! They will become Mother’s one day too.
Yes, they will. And they will understand better when they are older.
This is great advice for parents of teenage girls. Will have to pass it along to our sister, for when our niece becomes a teenager.
Thanks. I am glad that it will help her.
This is definitely an important reminder for anyone raising daughters! Young women have it tough in today’s landscape…
Yes, I wish they didn’t have social media and all the pressures of today.
I have a 12-year-old daughter and soon she will turn into a teenager, This article help me more about teaching my girl to be a better woman.
I am so glad it will help you. Thanks for reading!
Great guidance for parents of teens. I have some time before I get there. We hope our next child is a girl.
I hope you have a little girl, too. They are great. The teen years are a bit bumpy, but it is worth it.
Really liked your post and being a reader i really appreciate your thought and tips. Keep sharing more.
Jyoti, thanks so much for your comment. It is so nice to have encouragement.
I’ve only done teenage boys so far! This has so much wisdom and insight great resource for the future!
You will have to read the next blog about boys. It is called Raising Boys: The Most Important Thing to do as a Parent. Good luck to you. That is a lot of testosterone!
“As a mom, you want to teach your daughter to reflect the artist.” I love that! Reflecting Jesus and standing as a pillar are great analogies for how we are to raise our daughters.
Thanks, Susan. It is hard to get teenage girls to see this when they are young. If they only knew their true beauty was more than on the outside.
As a mom to two young girls (5 and 3), I know they’ll be teenagers before I know it. This is such a good reminder into building them up into Godly women, and reminding them about their purpose.
Jessica, yes, it does happen fast. They will be a teen before you know it. I pray you will know how to direct them to their real beauty.
Great post! I love your analogy with the pillars and displaying true worth. So much value in this post! Thank you so much for sharing!!
Thanks, Amanda. I appreciate your comment.
This is so awesome and much needed! I am a mom of three teenage girls and it is so important, especially when Instagram and Snapchat are so popular with their peers, to know that their appearance is not the most important thing. I want my girls to focus on the greater things and reflect their Heavenly designer…not fashion designers!
Oh, you poor soul. So many hormones in a house. There were 3 girls in my family, too. Even our pets were female. My poor dad.
This is so good. I have been listening and watching friends who have raised godly girls. My oldest daughter is 12.5yrs. Our relationship has been changing and I am relearning how to be her mom now. I also have 2 younger ones so sometimes I am quick to treat her as I do them however this often backfires. She isn’t little anymore.
I admit I am guilty of not often praising her for what she does well as much as I should.
Thank for the pointers 🙂
Crystal, it is hard to adjust the ages of our kids. We forget they are older and can do more. Praise does help the doors to your child’s heart to stay open. Good luck!
There was a lot of wisdom here, and I appreciated the reminder to speak a blessing to my daughter daily, which is something I want to work on for this year. And also that her beauty should reflect her designer – a multi-dimensional beauty that goes beyond just the outward appearances.
You put this so well. It is hard to remember to praise when they are irritable and often don’t have a good attitude. Keep loving her through the difficult times.