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Are you raising a teenage daughter who is difficult?
How about helping her to be like a graceful pillar in the Bible? I am sure you are wondering what in the world I mean by this. No, I have not gotten into the cooking wine.
This is a real question.
You may be wondering, “What is a graceful pillar?” Is it referring to fashion, modeling, or faith? You never know these days. Teen fashion is so weird.
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Raising a teenage daughter like a graceful pillar has to do with faith. Let me give you the verse I am talking about so you can understand a little better.
Psalm 144:12 says,” May our sons flourish in their youth like well-nurtured plants. May our daughters be like graceful pillars, carved to beautify a palace” (NLT).
In this post, I will dissect the second part of the verse that focuses on daughters. I will give you tips for raising a teenage daughter so she can stand as a graceful pillar fit for a palace when she is grown.
I probably wouldn’t go telling her that you want her to be a graceful pillar though. Let’s just keep that secret between you and me…
What Should I Do With My Teenage Daughter?
If you want to know what to do with your teenage daughter, I suggest you start with a blessing. You know–encouragement!
Psalms 144 “may be described as the prayer of a king for victory and blessing.” In the Bible, a verbal blessing was a big deal. Words had great power back then.
If you remember the story of Isaac and Jacob then you know Jacob was willing to deceive his father and usurp his brother to get the coveted blessing.
Men lived and died because of blessings and curses.
The fact that daughters were mentioned in the Bible as part of a blessing says it all. Your daughter adds a dimension to the family that is unique and special.
She is a blessing to those around her.
As a parent, it is important to speak a blessing over your daughter daily. What you say to her matters. She will play your words in her head over and over again.
The best tip for raising a teenage daughter is to keep encouraging her. Participate in her life.
Go to her plays, sporting events, and awards ceremonies. Catch her doing good things and praise her for it. Let her know what a blessing she is to you and your family.
Keep pointing her back to Jesus. Not to herself…
You may not know how to bless your daughter. Finding the right words can be difficult. For more help on blessings, Dr. Dobson has some good tips on how to bless your child.
Raising a Daughter In a Sexualized World
Sadly, raising a teenage daughter in a sexualized world is difficult because the media, friends, and boys mostly focus on the outside rather than the inside. The truth is beauty is not about being “hot” or “sexy.
Psalms 144:12 talks about the kind of beauty that encompasses good character traits.
Studylight.org says, “The comparison [to a pillar] is a very beautiful one, having the idea of grace, symmetry, fair proportions: that on which the skill of the sculptor is most abundantly lavished.”
God lavishly sculpted your daughter with grace, symmetry, and fair proportions. She is a graceful pillar standing with just the right dimensions.
She was fearfully and wonderfully made. Your daughter was not an afterthought. God took His time to make her beautiful.
In this day and age, being known as beautiful can be offensive. Women don’t want to be treated as an object or only known for their beauty.
I agree with this.
But this scripture is not talking about something so one-dimensional.
If you have ever been to a museum or seen an ancient column, you don’t think “that is one ‘hot’ column or ‘sexy’ piece of artwork.” Beauty is much deeper than that.
Beautiful art is inspiring. It makes you want to do great things, to be a better person. It defines who we are as a society.
Most of all, when you look at a piece of art you realize you could never create that kind of masterpiece. It makes you appreciate the creator.
You start to wonder, “Who is the artist?” You want to know more about who designed such a great work. The goal for your daughter is to reflect the Creator.
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Raising Godly Teenage Daughters
As a mom, raising a teenage daughter to reflect the original artist, God, is not easy. It is important to help her see her beauty should point to God in every way, shape, and form. Not just on the outside but on the inside. Both dimensions are important.
If your daughter is dressing in a way that calls attention to herself sexually, she is missing the “awe factor.” She is missing the depth, balance, character, and light that is so beautiful from within.
This is not a reflection of the Artist. It is a reflection of herself.
Your goal as a mom is to get your daughter to call attention to the Creator, not the creation (her body). You want all of her beauty to show, not just the external. And it won’t if all the attention is on the wrong outer parts.
After all, she is a graceful pillar.
That doesn’t mean she can’t look fashionable or adorable. There is nothing wrong with being in style. The point is to not forget the whole package when raising a teenage daughter.
Mom, you have control over the money. Make sure your daughter buys clothes that you and your husband approve of her wearing. Furthermore, make sure you are setting a good example for her so that you raise a godly teenage daughter.
Raising a Teenage Daughter
Psalms 144 refers to your daughter as the corner pillar. It is the most important pillar in the building. It is the one that helps hold up the structure. Everything goes back to that point for strength.
It has to withstand pressure. And it needs to be designed to stand the test of time. It is built to last centuries.
It is important to raise a strong daughter who will withstand pressure. Not just once or twice but consistently withstand pressure over time. This kind of character takes time to develop.
It is also important to point out that the pillars were beautiful in the palace (temple) which means it has had more cutting and polishing than a plain one. It takes a lot of time and energy to cut a piece of stone.
Stone is hard and stubborn. Oh, is it ever hard and stubborn! It is not malleable or teachable. Uh, sound familiar?
Stone has to be cut with a sharp object and then polished by rubbing. The artist has to know how to best cut the stone so it does not crack or break. It can’t have fissures either.
Your daughter is the same way.
How Do You Deal With a Difficult Teenage Daughter?
Are you raising a teenage daughter that is difficult, then molding her into a graceful pillar is not going to be easy. Your job is to cut the stone (her) in a way that will not crack and break. It takes great skill and balance.
You have to understand the stone and its ridges. That means getting to know your teenager. Spend time together with her. Constantly reinforce your love with your actions. Talk about faith. Do devotionals as a family, worship together, and pray for her. I suggest fasting too.
Don’t forget to hang in there for the rubbing and polishing. Many parents give up at this point because they are so tired of reinforcing their values year after year.
Raising a teenage daughter that is difficult means not giving up. You need to stay in there until the end and finish the job.
Don’t let your daughter wear you down to the point that you compromise your core values. Know which battles to pick.
And, yes, there are going to be failures. This is when you need to love her the most. You are the graceful (corner) pillar of the family right now. Let her fall into your lap when she can’t stand on her own.
Here is a great video on how to survive a teenage daughter. It will help you know what are the core issues.
How To Be a Godly Parent
If you are raising a teenage daughter, you need to look at yourself first. Are you a godly parent? She is looking to you as her example. Live a life of faith she can model. Your actions speak much louder than your words.
If you are not living in a way that reflects your faith, neither will your daughter. If you have books, TV shows, movies, or behaviors you don’t want her to watch or do, make sure you don’t do them either.
She knows who you are more than anyone else. She is watching you and may repeat your behaviors one day. I know, ouch!
In fact, more is caught than taught. Be the person you want your daughter to be.
Encouragement for Raising a Teenage Daughter
I am so blessed to raise a strong daughter. She has been the light of my life. I’m sure you feel the same way about your daughter too. Getting through the teenage years is tough though.
They do outgrow the uh, stone-like (difficult) behavior eventually. Sorta. One day, you will see her determination more focused on goals instead of you. That may not be until college.
In the meantime, keep loving her. She is a work in progress just like you were at that age. If you will not lose heart, you will see her flourish and reflect the Corner Pillar and Great Artist, Jesus Christ.
Are you raising a teenage daughter who is difficult? What do you do? Comment below.
Got Family Problems? There is Help!
Are you experiencing family problems or even estranged? Are you feeling shame, anger, or rejection? Check out my book Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart on Amazon or at your favorite digital store.
This book not only talks about my seven-year estrangement from my Christian family, but it also gives solid tips to help you with your own family problems. Break free from your pain. Allow God to heal you no matter what has happened in your family of origin. There is hope when your family falls apart.
Creating Family Memories Book
Get Creating Family Memories. This book will help you manage your family in a way that allows more time to be intentional with your kids. It includes a schedule too. You can get it at your favorite bookstore.
Join Christian Family Living Facebook Group
Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the group Christian Family Living. This is a place for Christian women to share their experiences and get helpful tools to navigate the Christian life. We love to laugh, cry, and encourage each other to live out our faith one day at a time.