Raising Daughters: How to be a Graceful Pillar
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Is your daughter a graceful pillar? I am sure you are wondering what in the world I mean by this. No, I have not gotten into the cooking Sherry.
This is a real question.
A question I had not pondered until today. My daughter sent a devotional to me this morning talking about this topic. I was intrigued.
You may be wondering what is a graceful pillar? Is it referring to fashion, modeling, or faith? You never know these days. Teen fashion is so weird.
The question has to do with faith. Let me give you the verse I am talking about, so you can understand a little better.
Psalms 144:12 says, “May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace” (CSB).
Another version says, “Let’s pray that our young sons will grow like strong plants and that our daughters will be as lovely as columns in the corner of a palace“(CEV).
In this post, I will dissect the second part of the verse that focuses on daughters. I will show you ways you can parent your teen so she can stand as a graceful pillar fit for a palace.
I probably wouldn’t go telling her this today though. She will think you have been in the cooking Sherry, too.
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Your Daughter is a Blessing
Psalms 144 “may be described as the prayer of a king for victory and blessing.” In the Bible, a verbal blessing was a big deal. Words had great power back then.
If you remember the story of Isaac and Jacob then you know Jacob was willing to deceive his father and usurp his brother to get the coveted blessing.
Men lived and died because of blessings and curses.
The fact that daughters were mentioned in the Bible as part of a blessing says it all. Your daughter adds a dimension to the family that is unique and special.
She is a blessing to those around her.
A daughter can melt a daddy’s heart in two seconds. Just ask my husband. Our daughter can get him to do things I can not get him to do.
As a parent, it is important to speak a blessing over your daughter daily. What you say to her matters. She will play your words in her head over and over again.
Keep encouraging her. Participate in her life.
Go to her plays, sporting events, and awards ceremonies. Catch her doing good things and praise her for it. Let her know what a blessing she is to you and your family.
Keep pointing her back to Jesus. Not to herself…
You may not know how to bless your daughter. Finding the right words can be difficult. For more help on blessings, Dr. Dobson has some good tips on how to bless your child.
Related: How to Get to Your Child’s Heart
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A Graceful Pillar-Beauty
Beauty is not about being “hot.” It is so much more than what is on the outside. Psalms 144:12 talks about the kind of beauty that encompasses character.
Studylight.org says, “The comparison [to a pillar] is a very beautiful one, having the idea of grace, symmetry, fair proportions: that on which the skill of the sculptor is most abundantly lavished.”
God lavishly sculpted your daughter with grace, symmetry and fair proportions. She is a graceful pillar standing with just the right dimensions.
She was fearfully and wonderfully made. Your daughter was not an afterthought. God took His time to make her beautiful.
In this day and age, being known as beautiful can be offensive. Women don’t want to be treated as an object or only known for their beauty. And I agree with this. But this scripture is not talking about something so one-dimensional.
If you have ever been to a museum or seen an ancient column, you don’t think “that is one ‘hot’ column or ‘sexy’ piece of artwork.” Beauty is much deeper than that.
Beautiful art is inspiring. It makes you want to do great things, to be a better person. It defines who we are as a society.
Most of all, when you look at a piece of art you realize you could never create that kind of masterpiece. It makes you appreciate the artist.
You start to wonder, “Who is the artist?” You want to know more about who designed such a great work.
Parenting: Focus on Your Teen: 9 Best Activities to Do as a Family
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Reflect the Artist
As a mom, you want to teach your daughter to reflect the artist. Her beauty should point to God in every way, shape, and form. Not just on the outside but on the inside. Both dimensions are important.
If your daughter is dressing in a way that calls attention to herself sexually, she is missing the “awe factor.” She is missing the depth, balance, character, and light that is so beautiful from within.
This is not a reflection of the artist. It is a reflection of herself.
Your goal as a mom is to get your daughter to call attention to the creator, not the creation (her body). You want all of her beauty to show, not just the external. And it won’t if all the attention is on the wrong outer parts.
After all, she is a graceful pillar.
That doesn’t mean she can’t look fashionable or adorable. There is nothing wrong with being in style. The point is to not forget the whole package.
Related: 13 Easy Ways to Screw Up Your Children
What is a Corner Pillar?
Psalms 144 refers to your daughter as the corner pillar. It is the most important pillar in the building. It is the one that helps hold up the structure. Everything goes back to that point for strength.
It has to withstand pressure. And it needs to be designed to stand the test of time. It is built to last centuries.
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It is important for your daughter to do the same. She needs to find her strength, and withstand pressure. Not just once or twice but consistently over time. This kind of character takes time to develop.
It is also important to point out that the pillars were beautiful in the palace (temple) which means it has had more cutting and polishing than a plain one. It takes a lot of time and energy to cut a piece of stone. Stone is hard and stubborn. Oh, is it ever hard and stubborn!
It is not malleable or teachable. Uh, sound familiar?
Stone has to be cut with a sharp object and then polished by rubbing. The artist has to know how to best cut the stone so it does not crack and break. It can’t have fissures.
Related: 5 Things Teens Wish Their Parents Knew
Parenting a Stubborn Teen
Are you parenting a stubborn teen and making her into a graceful pillar? Your job is to cut the stone (her) in a way that will not crack and break. It takes great skill and balance.
You have to understand the stone and its ridges. That means getting to know your teen. Spend time together.
Don’t forget to hang in there for the rubbing and polishing. Many parents give up at this point because they are so tired of reinforcing their values year after year. Stay in there until the end and finish the job.
Don’t let your daughter wear you down to the point that you compromise your core values. Know which battles to pick.
Related: Teen Entitlement
And, yes, there are going to be failures. This is when you need to love her the most. You are the graceful (corner) pillar of the family right now. Let her fall into your lap when she can’t stand on her own.
Here is a great video on how to choose your battles wisely. It will help you know what are the core issues.
Why a Graceful Pillar in a Palace?
After a little research, I found that the reference to the palace was actually the temple. This was and still is the most sacred place for a Jew. The temple was God’s dwelling place in that time.
To refer to your daughter as a pillar in the temple was a high compliment. This would have meant she was dwelling with God.
Keep your daughter in church, pray together as a family, have devotions, talk about spiritual things with her. Help her to develop her own faith. She is looking to you as her example. Live a life of faith she can model. Your actions speak much louder than your words.
If you are not living in a way that reflects your faith, neither will your daughter. If you have books, TV shows, movies, or behaviors you don’t want her to watch or do, make sure you don’t do them either.
She knows who you are more than anyone else. She is watching you and may repeat your behaviors one day. I know, ouch.
Related: How to Create Family Memories with a Crazy Schedule
Parenting a Teenage Daughter
I am so blessed to have a teenage daughter. She has been the light of my life. I’m sure you feel the same way about your daughter too. Getting through the teenage years is tough.
They do outgrow the uh, stone-like behavior eventually. Sorta. One day, you will see her determination more focused on goals instead of you. That may not be until college.
In the meantime, keep loving her. She is a work in progress just like you were at that age. If you will not lose heart, you will see her flourish and reflect the Corner Pillar and Great Artist, Jesus Christ.
Related: The Best Way to Change Your Teen Through Prayer
What are some parenting tips that have helped your daughter to follow Christ?
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Faith is such a grounding thing for me. I can’t imagine living life without it to guide me. My daughter sees that in me, for sure. I am glad to have that influence for her.
That is so great. Keep it up!
Such a nice post. I don’t have a teen yet but this is such a great advice in raising a teenagers girls I will share this with my sister as she has a teen daughter.
I hope she can use the information. Thanks for your comment.
An interesting and important topic. I remember my mom followed all of these rules, even when I was being a bit stubborn… (aka swimsuit shopping). Now, I am grateful she did what she did.
Oh, my. I had a few of these issues with my daughter when we went swimsuit shopping. We both left crying. Ugh. All is well now that she is older!
We have to be good to our daughters! They will become Mother’s one day too.
Yes, they will. And they will understand better when they are older.
This is great advice for parents of teenage girls. Will have to pass it along to our sister, for when our niece becomes a teenager.
Thanks. I am glad that it will help her.
This is definitely an important reminder for anyone raising daughters! Young women have it tough in today’s landscape…
Yes, I wish they didn’t have social media and all the pressures of today.
I have a 12-year-old daughter and soon she will turn into a teenager, This article help me more about teaching my girl to be a better woman.
I am so glad it will help you. Thanks for reading!
Great guidance for parents of teens. I have some time before I get there. We hope our next child is a girl.
I hope you have a little girl, too. They are great. The teen years are a bit bumpy, but it is worth it.
Really liked your post and being a reader i really appreciate your thought and tips. Keep sharing more.
Jyoti, thanks so much for your comment. It is so nice to have encouragement.
I’ve only done teenage boys so far! This has so much wisdom and insight great resource for the future!
You will have to read the next blog about boys. It is called Raising Boys: The Most Important Thing to do as a Parent. Good luck to you. That is a lot of testosterone!
“As a mom, you want to teach your daughter to reflect the artist.” I love that! Reflecting Jesus and standing as a pillar are great analogies for how we are to raise our daughters.
Thanks, Susan. It is hard to get teenage girls to see this when they are young. If they only knew their true beauty was more than on the outside.
As a mom to two young girls (5 and 3), I know they’ll be teenagers before I know it. This is such a good reminder into building them up into Godly women, and reminding them about their purpose.
Jessica, yes, it does happen fast. They will be a teen before you know it. I pray you will know how to direct them to their real beauty.
Great post! I love your analogy with the pillars and displaying true worth. So much value in this post! Thank you so much for sharing!!
Thanks, Amanda. I appreciate your comment.
This is so awesome and much needed! I am a mom of three teenage girls and it is so important, especially when Instagram and Snapchat are so popular with their peers, to know that their appearance is not the most important thing. I want my girls to focus on the greater things and reflect their Heavenly designer…not fashion designers!
Oh, you poor soul. So many hormones in a house. There were 3 girls in my family, too. Even our pets were female. My poor dad.
This is so good. I have been listening and watching friends who have raised godly girls. My oldest daughter is 12.5yrs. Our relationship has been changing and I am relearning how to be her mom now. I also have 2 younger ones so sometimes I am quick to treat her as I do them however this often backfires. She isn’t little anymore.
I admit I am guilty of not often praising her for what she does well as much as I should.
Thank for the pointers 🙂
Crystal, it is hard to adjust the ages of our kids. We forget they are older and can do more. Praise does help the doors to your child’s heart to stay open. Good luck!
There was a lot of wisdom here, and I appreciated the reminder to speak a blessing to my daughter daily, which is something I want to work on for this year. And also that her beauty should reflect her designer – a multi-dimensional beauty that goes beyond just the outward appearances.
You put this so well. It is hard to remember to praise when they are irritable and often don’t have a good attitude. Keep loving her through the difficult times.