This is a guest post by Deb Koster, producer of Family Fire. Family Fire is a Christian ministry committed to fanning the flames of the Holy Spirit in our family relationships. Thank you, Deb, for your contribution to Mom Remade.
Would you like to pursue spiritual wholeness in your relationships?
Do you struggle with loving the difficult people in your world? God has designed us for community; we find blessing when we are in loving fellowship with one another. Yet we are all broken people and prone to pursuing our own self-interest.
Jesus told us that the greatest commandments are to love God and one another (Matthew 22:36-40). We worship God and show him love, but how well do we show love to one another?
So how can we connect in meaningful ways that will enrich our lives and the lives of others?
Perhaps we need to start with ourselves to find spiritual wholeness.
RELATED: The Greatest Secret to Having Healthy Family Relationships
Spiritual Wholeness: 6 Ways to Mend a Relationship
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Don’t be Self-centered
Not everyone cares about our rants. People are probably not interested in having you talk through their movies. They might be annoyed if you are too busy playing with your phone to answer a question.
There are lots of behaviors that we fall into that lack compassion for the people around us.
Philippians 2:4 tells us, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.
We can’t look to the interests of others without setting aside our own needs to be the center of attention. There is much we can gain if we set aside our inward focus and tune into the lives of others.
RELATED: How to End a Toxic Relationship For Good: 3 Ways Out
Get your FREE CONFLICT RESOLUTION PDF to help you navigate difficult conversations with others.
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Tune In
Put away your electronics and be present in the moment.
Give others the gift of your attentiveness.
When our eyes are distracted by electronics, we tell others in the room that they do not matter. What is on your phone is not more important than the people made in the image of God sitting next to you.
When people right in front of you can’t get your attention then you are too distracted. Open your eyes to see what is going on in the space around you.
Listen carefully to catch the emotions that are being expressed. Quiet your thoughts to wonder about the experiences of others. This is one way to find spiritual wholeness in your relationships.
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Be Non-judgmental
Being critical or judgmental is a fast way to shut down the conversation and lose the opportunity to connect with others in meaningful ways. Take time to listen and understand another person’s point of view before jumping to a response or rebuttal.
There will be times for speaking the truth in love but that should be after we have taken the time to engage and learn about how others have experienced the world.
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Be Curious
It is easy to be self-absorbed and talk about our own interests but God has called us to “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (Gal 6:2).
Put aside your self-focus to tune into the interests of others around you. Learn to ask questions to discover the passions and interests of those around you.
Ask people about how they are spending their time and learn where their passions lie and discover what things get them excited.
Loving questions can serve to bridge our differences and connect us with one another. We share a common humanity as people fashioned by God and made in his image.
Learning about the lives of others helps us to get a bigger picture of God and his love for his people.
RELATED: How to Resolve Conflict in Marriage: 7 Biblical Ways to Healing
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Be Teachable
Acting like you know everything or treating people with condescension is destructive to the health of relationships. As we live in community we have the opportunity to learn and grow from one another.
Scripture tells us that we play a role in shaping one another in community as “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).
Be open to the correctives that others offer to you. Be aware that we all have blind spots that others can help us to see and correct. Don’t be dismissive of the advice that others are brave enough to share with you.
Eye rolls and a closed posture are never going to help you learn and grow. Be willing to accept the instruction being offered and evaluate it to see what has merit.
Being defensive or dismissive will derail opportunities to learn and fracture relationships. We are healthier people if we are open to correction. This is a great way to find spiritual wholeness in your relationships.
RELATED: 5 Reasons to Forgive Those Who Hurt You (Even If They Don’t Deserve It)
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Engage
James 2:26 reminds us that our faith is dead if it is not accompanied by actions. Look for ways to step into the lives of others and care for their needs. A listening ear or a helping hand shows others that they matter.
Compassion should always flow from our words and be echoed in our actions. Caring for one another helps us to align with God’s heart for showing compassion to the least of these (Matthew 25:31-46).
Jesus calls us to be sacrificial in demonstrating love for one another. We are called to live following the model that was set for us in the person of Jesus.
Let your actions speak love so that those around you encounter Jesus.
The truth is, we’ve all been failed by someone in our relationships. As you seek to pursue health and spiritual wholeness in your life, we would like to offer you access to our free Family Fire ebook Forgiveness: A Guide to Relationship Repair.
We hope this guide provides you with resources to develop the essential skill of forgiveness.
How do you restore spiritual wholeness when mending a relationship?
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10 Comments
Being tuned in is so important. It makes such a huge difference for everyone involved. Great post!
I think we tend to get busy and forget how our actions affect others. But God can redeem that no matter what has happened.
These are such great tips. I think the hardest one sometime is to be teachable. Many times we think we know it all, when really we all can learn a few things just by being open to learning from one another
This one concept can erase years of pain and heartache. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to take the field trip to learn. God can redeem it no matter how it happens.
I love this post! A lot of times we have to check ourselves – are we truly “being there” for our friends and family? And by that I mean, are we truly present in the moment? Life can be crazy busy and that leaves us in a constant mode of distraction. This is where we have to consciously make that extra effort and set aside the distractions. I have found it is truly helpful to be full out honest – If I’m distracted then I say so and I make time for them that I can give them undistracted attention.
Really good advice. I’m so glad you said this. A good practical way to reset.
my favorite is putting our phone away and really tuning into others around us!
What a great habit to do as a family. I am glad you make time for everyone at the table.
E book?
Yes, here is the link to the free ebook. I think it will really help if you are struggling with relationships. https://familyfire.reframemedia.com/resources/forgiveness-a-guide-to-relationship-repair