The Best Marriage Advice for Struggling Couples
The best marriage advice is the kind that really works. When you are a young couple, it seems people give lots of one-liners and cute quotes but no real actionable steps that truly work.
Fortunately, I have been married for almost 26 years, and I can help you out with some real tips. Although I have had a few heartaches, stumbles, and mishaps, I have also had some real successes.
By God’s grace, we are still together and more in love than ever. But it wasn’t always that way.
We both started off…let’s just say, different than we are now.
We have had a few rough edges rubbed off in our time. And it wasn’t pretty.
In this post, I am going to give you the best marriage advice for young couples. In fact, these ten marriage tips will help you keep your relationship healthy. Number five is especially important.
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The Best Marriage Advice for Young Couples
First, I want to start off by saying that it is best to marry a godly person. If you are not attracting godly people, then you are probably struggling in this area yourself. Additionally, I would recommend you work on yourself before you decide to include another person to the mix. Your marriage will start off healthier if you are both following Jesus.
The best marriage advice is to work together to create a budget. When you don’t know what you are spending, it can get out of control fast. In fact, it is important to talk about spending before you do it, not after. Look at your budget every month and readjust what isn’t working. Make sure both partners have an equal voice in the decisions too.
Pitfall: Money is one of the biggest reasons people get a divorce. If you both have equal say and stick to it, you will avoid serious damage to your relationship.
It is important to put God first in your marriage, then each other next. Family and job take third and fourth place. Furthermore, when God comes first, it is easier to put your spouse second. When He is not, the family quickly becomes out of sync causing disharmony among the members.
Pitfall: Many times husbands put their job first, and wives put the children first. This never works out in the end as both can become an idol. Sadly, this is how marriage partners slowly drift apart without even realizing it. Someone or something takes the number two spot.
The best marriage advice is to talk to each other every day. In addition, make time outside of your kids to sit down and visit with each other. If you do not know what is going on with each other then you will lose an emotional connection. Unfortunately, this is how misunderstandings happen, feelings get hurt, and resentment starts.
Pitfall: If your schedule is too crazy to spend time with each other, then something in your schedule needs to go. In fact, you have too many activities. The goal is to be home most nights. Spend time together as a family and then put the kids to bed and talk!
Encourage your spouse in every way possible. Your job is to be the biggest cheerleader on the planet. Say at least two or three positive things to your spouse every day. And bite your tongue when it comes to criticism.
I promise it will make a huge difference in the way you relate to each other if you will do this. After all, it is much easier to love someone who thinks you are great than someone who thinks you are a dud.
Pitfall: A critical spirit is destructive. Yelling, criticism, sarcasm, tantrums, the silent treatment, or any other negative tactic will only eat away at the marriage. In fact, it will destroy it. There is no place for these behaviors. Stop now before it is too late.
This is the single biggest thing that changed my marriage. When I started praying for my husband, things changed. I started running to God and telling Him my issues instead of complaining to my husband or others.
Moreover, I added my husband’s name to scriptures and prayed for changes in areas that bothered me. As a result, God not only changed my husband, but He changed me too.
Pitfall: Be willing to let God work on you. Ask him to convict you of any ungodly behaviors you may be displaying. By all means, don’t try to control what God is doing with your husband. That is God’s business, not yours. This the best marriage advice I can ever give you.
6. Unified Front
There are times when you and your spouse may not agree on parenting style. It is important to stay on the same page as much as possible and work through the places you disagree with each other. As a matter of fact, if your kids see you are not united, they will use it to their advantage by further dividing you to get their way.
Pitfall: Some parents never get on the same page when it comes to parenting. You may not agree on a few things, but push through to agree on most things. In fact, it will hurt your whole family if you don’t work together.
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Go on dates regularly. Sadly, after marriage, it is very easy to get lazy and take each other for granted. Dress up! Put some effort into the evening. Take time to reconnect with each other so you don’t lose the romance.
Pitfall: Don’t let money be an excuse. There are plenty of things to do together that don’t cost a ton of money. Get creative. Pinterest has lots of ideas for a cheap date night.
When you have kids, work long hours, or even feel angry about an issue, sexual intimacy can get put on the back burner. It is important not to let this part of the marriage die. This is the one thing that defines your relationship from everyone else in the world. Make time to do this regularly. (Your husband will like this marriage advice.)
Pitfall: Pornography, infidelity or even a close relationship with the opposite sex is not sustainable in a healthy marriage. Sooner or later it will creep up in unexpected ways and drive a wedge between you both. Furthermore, don’t let something cheap take the place of something priceless. Get help if this is a problem in your marriage.
Have fun together. Life is hard. Find a hobby, activity, or sport you can do as a couple. This will naturally give you something to talk about and experience as one. It will also create positive memories and help you to bond again.
Pitfall: You both need to enjoy the activity. If your spouse is dragging you to do it, it is not genuinely fun.
Forgiveness covers a multitude of sins. It is the basic ingredient for living closely with someone. If you don’t forgive easily those quirks and oddities, you will never really have a strong marriage. Resolve issues between each other and then truly release it. Don’t bring it up again unless it is a pattern that is truly unresolved and is causing great harm to the marriage.
Colossians 3:13, NLT “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
Pitfall: Holding grudges and self-pity lead down a dark hole. Take ownership of your stuff and deal with that first. Many times we are so busy focusing on the speck in our spouse’s eye that we forget the beam in our own eye (Matt. 7:5).
The Best Marriage Advice
If you are struggling with some of these marriage tips, don’t worry. No marriage is perfect. The best thing you can do is start with number 5. Prayer. Run to God with your issues. (If you are in an abusive relationship, you may need to step away or get help along with prayer.)
You and your spouse can have a healthy marriage if you will work on these ten things together. Remember that marriage is a reflection of God’s marriage to the church. In fact, your very unity is modeled after God’s love for us. Start replicating God’s love to your spouse and you will see changes.
If you are really struggling, I suggest A Weekend to Remember. It is a great way to start over with a good foundation.
Do You Have Family Problems? There is Help and Hope!
Are you experiencing family problems or even estranged? Are you feeling shame, anger, or rejection? Check out my book Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart on Amazon or at your favorite digital store.
This book not only talks about my seven-year estrangement from my Christian family, but it also gives solid tips to help you with your family problems. Break free from your pain. Allow God to heal you no matter what has happened in your family of origin. There is hope when your family falls apart.
Creating Family Memories Book
Get Creating Family Memories. This book will help you manage your family in a way that allows more time to be intentional with your kids. It includes a schedule too. You can get it at your favorite bookstore.
Join Christian Family Living Facebook Group
Continue the conversation on Facebook and join the group Christian Family Living. This is a place for Christian women to share their experiences and get helpful tools to navigate the Christian life. We love to laugh, cry, and encourage each other to live out our faith one day at a time.
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